I got some genuine clarity on why life has been confusing and not making much sense the last few months.  I had been playing recovering alcoholic instead of staying bound to the reality that I am the real deal, and without help my mind, produces such a chaotic explanation of life to itself that relief is needed, and I drink.  I was going to meetings but not really listening to everyone, I straight up was refusing to read the literature and was reading things like the news and more interested in people on Instagram when I woke up in the morning, and I resented my sponsees, who I conveniently forgot are sick and need help, because my mind told me they were "wasting my time."  I am glad the storm is over, and I am glad I was able to let it pass, looking back, it was a very painful and uncomfortable unecessary months long session of misery and ignorance.  I am reminded about what an awesome member used to say to our group, and he used to say "My name is (blank) and I am an alcoholic, and if I forget what I am it won't matter who I am."   

Of course part of the reason I have been spiritual sick the past few months was work related, and me thinking I was something I am not as an employee.  I definitely was thinking I knew more than others, and mostly others who were in more powerful positions than I was.  Mostly the lack of faith I had built up in others resenting them, forced me to harden my mind, and I see now I was mostly a one man show who wouldn't help others before I would make sure my goals were accomplished, even if that made for a worse work environment and lots of toes being stepped on.  That might work for some others, but for this alcoholic, it's a sure fire recipe for disaster and spiritual destruction.  

Anyone else can relate?