I can only share my own experience which is that I looked back over my life at the things about me that got in the way of me living the way I wanted to and became committed to living in a different way. By seeing myself as I really was I was able to forgive myself for a lot of things that i had done. Also this helped me to understand other people too and start to forgive them.

I made amends for the wrongs that I had done, so that I could really be committed to a new way of life because I had started to do the right thing by taking responsibility for what I had done in the past.

I have also had a lot of therapy to help me understand how the things that have happened to me in the past have shaped the way I have been and the things I have done. Talking about things and being able to take the power out of them, by bringing them out into the light rather than keeping them hidden inside eating away at me, has really helped me to start to be free of the past. From this I have also been able to see ways that I can behave and live differently.

Who I am now is definitely an accumulation of everything that has happened to me but I have been able to start looking at who I really am and how I can be different. Also how I can use my past experiences as an advantage especially to help others who have had difficulties in their lives too.

For me, this hasnt been a quick journey and it hasnt been painless but things are getting better all the time.

Good luck with your journey.

The answers you are seeking lie in the steps and possibly some additional psycho therapy.

You've taken the first step by identifying how these things have affected your life. We can't change the past, but we can change ourselves, our future & make amends to those we've hurt....including ourselves. By working the steps, we learn to forgive ourselves and others. Like nickyj180 said in an earlier post, bringing these things out into the light instead of leaving them in the dark helps us to recover. Some Adult Children of Alcoholics literature as well as some one on one therapy or becoming part of a support group can put you on the path.

past experiences don't define identity........yes, it throws a cloak.....but self is defined by heart.

don't get me wrong.....i play the blame game too.....but deep down i know there are only 2 forces that bring one's self to the surface....one is heart..........your choice on the second.


best to you....nods and whispers. lew

obviously professional therapy is in need and i would truly say spiritual therapy also - Peace for everything only comes from knowing and accepting Jesus Christ as your savior -

Peace be with you.

Many thanks to those who contributed to this post and overlooked my many mispellings. Emotional immaturity was what I meant to say on the 3rd line.

My own drinking problem was a way to numb the pain from the past which showed up as high blod preassure and weight gain as well as other things. My parents are both deadnow. My mother past way at the age of 52 from sirosi. I have had counseling and group therapy but it didn't seem to go far enough. I somehow failed to "click" with my counselors.

At the moment I am looking for a sense of purpose in life.

Hi Bob. Sorry for all this. Where are you at in the Steps? Your sponsor working with you?