Hi Jacalyn,

My addictive drinking began like a snowball rolling down a hill. It gained in size (quantity consumed). It gained momentum and as it began to grow it laid waste to all that was before it and I could no longer control it or stop it. I refused to step aside (stop) and got knocked down many times. Eventually, I got to what you might call ground zero: I recognized the problem, and had the motivation for searching for an answer. Sounds like this may be the point you are at?

After that I admitted my life with addiction had become unmanageable, and took full responsibility for my drunken behavior and resolved to change.

So I would like to welcome you here and you will learn a great deal and get much needed support no matter what you decide to do about your concerns about drinking.

If you should decide you would like to learn more and seek out other informational and support groups there is: Women for Sobriety, SMART, SOS, and of course the most common and well known Alcoholics Anonymous. Any one of them or combination of them will give you a perspective of where you stand. All my best and don't be a stranger, OK...

Hello Jacalyn,

Sorry to hear that you have some difficult issues to deal with but I think drinking is guaranteed to make things worse. Why not talk to your doctor instead and see if you can get professional counselling that would allow you to work through the various issues.

How does it start? Well, as far as I can see it often starts off with a few harmless drinks and gradually builds to a point where it is virtually impossible to stop drinking without outside help. You are on a very dangerous path because of the way in which you are using alcohol. Alcohol works for a lot of things, including calming you down. However, in this case the solution can easily become a bigger problem. You start off by taking a harmless glass of wine in the evening in order to calm down, something that many people would do. However, gradually over a period of time and usually unknown to the drinker, the message in the head changes. Now, instead of taking a glass of wine in order to calm down, you begin to believe that you cannot be relaxed without a glass of wine. Alcohol becomes an obsession and you may feel restless, irritable and discontented if you cannot have that glass of wine.

The obsession for alcohol would not be such a great problem except that something else also happens to an alcoholic. A change occurs in the way in which the body reacts to alcohol so that one drink sets off a craving for more. Putting rum through your coffee in the morning may be an attempt to satisfy a craving for more alcohol.

You dont care so much that this is happening to you right now and that may be because drinking interferes with your ability to think clearly. However, your life does not have to be like this and you can change it for the better. You can deal successfully with the drinking problem and with the other issues in your life and go on to make the most of the talents that you have. You cannot cure your moms troubles but you can be there for her.

Your first responsibility is to look after your own welfare and I would urge you to seek help with that. When I could not stop drinking I went to AA meetings and have not had a drink for a long time. Maybe AA would help you too.

To drink or not is a choice. If your drinking worries you then stop now not later! Like an out of control train that is picking up speed you should jump off before it gets to fast to jump.
Life is great without booze. I am sober now for longest time in my adult life 106 days. First thing I notice is that my worst days sober are better than my best days drinking. I am learning to live a normal life at 52. Wish I would have jumped off the booze train 30 years ago.

Jacalyn -
Howdy and I'll add my welcome to a good place. Like most of us here my drinking started early in life and continued until I was morally bankrupt. I'm glad you made it here now instead of 40 years down the road...

Hugs,
Dennis

Welcome. I'm glad you are here.
My drinking started when I was quite young...and seemed like fun. No day time drinking, no consequences other than puking or acting like an idiot but I thought that was all worth it. I too developed an eating disorder and felt that drinking was an "improvement" --I never drank rum in my coffee and still felt i was /am a full fledged alcholic.
Please do try to get some help.

Well rum in your coffee in the morning ain't how normal drinkers drink.

I think you know the answer..:) As others say for me it was a slow process at first then gets heavier fast! I thought it wasn't a big deal.. Then it was every day for years.... Not good!!!!! Now I'm sober and my siggy is not. It's hard but we keep on keepin on! Hugs, T4L

Jac I hear little pieces of my story in lots of people today...

Dad left home when I was 14, mom went to pieces too and somewhere in the script I thought it was my job to put her to bed, sit up til 2 in the morning listening, which I could do and felt perfectly normal, kinda exciting in a strange way, a change of roles like growing up and coming in to my own. Funnily enough I'd often see her to sleep first then help myself to a tumbler or two of something strong...felt deserved like winding down but who knew? Never really looked at that stuff til 20 years later with sober eyes. ..

Growing up for me was characterised by a sense of feeling responsible, all grown up with an old head on young shoulders but a certain sense of reluctance like I would have preferred it hadn't been that way :)

Drinking alone and drinking in secret became a lot more common over the years and that for me is what came to signify my Alcoholism in particular. ..everything else was a contributory factor the undeniable truth was alcohol became my default answer to all of that and that brought me to the doors of Alcoholics Anonymous. ..had to face that one problem head on and slowly learnt to face the many others, if you hear me?

So where does it start? Lots of places in my experience but all I can say is I hear you - it's familiar - and you are not alone :)

P