Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I'm back again. I cancelled my account because I wanted to get off DS as it was an addiction aside form my alcoholism. I thought I'd seek help this time but I didn't. People here told me to get help and I was stubborn, people told me things would get worse, and they did. I have a horrible history of drinking and driving. I'm trying to forgive myself for all of my unacceptable behavior. I shouldn't be alive today and by the grace of god I haven't injured or killed anyone. I'm coming up on 3 months sober and earlier today was feeling so hopeful and grateful. I checked myself into treatment 3 months ago because this nightmare had gone on long enough. I'm nearing the end of my outpatient treatment, am involved with AA twice a week, and seeing a therapist. I'm looking for a new therapist to see once a week because I know I need it right now.
I was happy earlier and started looking at some photos on my computer and fell into a depression. I was looking at pictures of my old vehicle. The hardest thing to admit is I crashed my Dad's car drunk when I was 21 and got away with it, I totaled his car. I didn't learn my lesson though, 5 years ago I was in a very dark place in my life and drove home from a friends house tired and drunk and fell asleep. I was driving my dream car and I totaled that. I thought I learned my lesson and vowed to never drink and drive. Truth is I was occasionally driving buzzed up within a few months of finding a replacement to that dream car. I promised myself I'd take care of this car and never be so stupid. It got worse, I drank and drove anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day for 2 years straight with a week of sobriety here and there.
Things got real when I fell into a depression and went on a bender. 2 days of drinking and not eating, I was working off a horrible hangover. I convinced myself to go to the bar for a hair of the dog. I ended up having about 6+ drinks in an hour and getting in my car with the intention of making it home as safely as possible, sleeping it off and getting my crap together. I don't remember leaving, I rolled my vehicle that night. Now I'm in a legal mess and have a mess of mental issues to deal with. I'm being completely honest here in hopes I can save someone else from making the same stupid mistake. I'm not sure how I'm alive to even type this and thank god I didn't injure or kill someone.
I'm 3 months sober and making progress but please, how do I help myself move on and forgive myself. I'll never forget these traumatic experiences but I can't help but think I'm not mentally well because of them, it's very disturbing. I'm doing everything I know how to do. I'm in treatment, going to 2 AA meetings a week, holding down a full time job, seeing a therapist, working the program, and taking my sobriety seriously. I just can't seem to give myself a hug and forgive myself and just breathe because I've found sobriety and I'm holding onto it with everything I've got. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
How do you guys do it?
I was happy earlier and started looking at some photos on my computer and fell into a depression. I was looking at pictures of my old vehicle. The hardest thing to admit is I crashed my Dad's car drunk when I was 21 and got away with it, I totaled his car. I didn't learn my lesson though, 5 years ago I was in a very dark place in my life and drove home from a friends house tired and drunk and fell asleep. I was driving my dream car and I totaled that. I thought I learned my lesson and vowed to never drink and drive. Truth is I was occasionally driving buzzed up within a few months of finding a replacement to that dream car. I promised myself I'd take care of this car and never be so stupid. It got worse, I drank and drove anywhere from once a week to multiple times a day for 2 years straight with a week of sobriety here and there.
Things got real when I fell into a depression and went on a bender. 2 days of drinking and not eating, I was working off a horrible hangover. I convinced myself to go to the bar for a hair of the dog. I ended up having about 6+ drinks in an hour and getting in my car with the intention of making it home as safely as possible, sleeping it off and getting my crap together. I don't remember leaving, I rolled my vehicle that night. Now I'm in a legal mess and have a mess of mental issues to deal with. I'm being completely honest here in hopes I can save someone else from making the same stupid mistake. I'm not sure how I'm alive to even type this and thank god I didn't injure or kill someone.
I'm 3 months sober and making progress but please, how do I help myself move on and forgive myself. I'll never forget these traumatic experiences but I can't help but think I'm not mentally well because of them, it's very disturbing. I'm doing everything I know how to do. I'm in treatment, going to 2 AA meetings a week, holding down a full time job, seeing a therapist, working the program, and taking my sobriety seriously. I just can't seem to give myself a hug and forgive myself and just breathe because I've found sobriety and I'm holding onto it with everything I've got. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
How do you guys do it?
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I too have guilt for things my drinking made me do, it ruined my first marriage and my wife committed suicide. I feel that by my drinking I drove her to her death. I don't know if I will ever feel absolved of the guilt and I understand your emotion of how do we let go of the pain that alcohol causes.
I think the best way to let go of the pain is stop drinking and don't let it happen again. I have 1.73 years sober on this, my third attempt at sobriety after my life was almost destroyed by my drinking. I think lifelong sobriety after alcoholic is possible. You can do this.
just remember, as the inspirational quote says, "Don't look back, I'm not going that way."
There are probably different things that you can do in order to move forward but since you are going to AA meetings and you have mentioned working the programme, it may be worthwhile looking a bit more at that approach.
Working the program is a pretty loose expression and often people do not understand what that actually means. The programme as laid down in the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) is a precise roadmap to a new way of thinking and it is also a complete package so picking out bits and pieces while ignoring the rest will not lead to success. For those reasons it is essential to have a good tutor or sponsor, someone who has travelled the road before.
The AA programme of recovery can be broken down into three component parts that make up the whole. For the purpose of illustration, I like to compare this structure to a dartboard. In the centre or bulls eye of the dartboard, you can place Steps 1, 2 and 3, the Spiritual Steps. This is already a big change for an alcoholic who has always put me in the centre of everything.
The next ring of the dartboard contains Steps 4, 5, 6 and 7. These steps are the Mental Steps and they are designed to identify and remove certain things in our thinking that are a barrier to a fuller spiritual life. This is where you may find the answers to your current difficulties so more about that later.
The third ring of the dartboard contains Steps 8 and 9. These are known as the Social and Physical Steps and they deal with our relationship with other people and the wider world.
Steps 10, 11 and 12 are not contained within any ring and that is because there is no limit to what one can achieve by putting those steps into practice on a daily basis.
Returning to the issue of forgiving yourself, as already mentioned, you may find the answers within Steps 4 to 7. It would take too long to go into precise details here but going through it with a good sponsor should give you positive results. Having identified character defects in Step 4 and understanding how these traits develop, Step 5 sets about removing those short-comings Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs. At this point, past deeds have been brought out into the open and dealt with and are forgiven. This is where you also have to forgive yourself.
There are of course many things within the AA approach that some people disagree with and this can lead to unwillingness to embrace all aspects of the programme of recovery, which often leads to failure. Therefore, it is important to keep an open mind until the new approach to living has been learned and put into practice so that the path to freedom can be nurtured and allowed to grow.
"The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."
Carl Rogers
https://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/102062.Carl_R_Rogers
I always got told Shame and guilt have no place in a healthy recovery, any more than denial and self-justification do. They all needed to be sorted through before I could get on with the business of living a useful, fulfilled life without booze.
Who says your behaviour was Unacceptable? Listen real close the answer is probably - You. Acceptable or not, makes no odds. It's done. It was you, at that point in your life and no amount of regret or analysis or wishful thinking will change that. But you can (should?) put it right as best you can, and more importantly...change it from this day forward.
I used to justify things I knew weren't right because I knew for sure, the same night I would get drunk and probably do the same thing all over again. Wake up next day, grovel and apologise...then get drunk and do the same thing all over again.
Accepting me exactly as I am is a powerful tool I first learnt in Recovery...when I accept, I'm dealing with things as they are - with reality. Then I can do something and move forward, however painful it might seem. If I can't accept - I'm still dealing with fantasy...with some idea of who I think I am, or who I think I should be :)
Come back down to earth - wether it's with a bump or with a soft landing, things are easier to deal with when your feet are on the ground :)
P
I personally (and I'm sure many others) have driven drunk, ruined relationships, ruined property, gotten into fights... the list goes on and on. I think the things that haunt me the most are the things I've said to people and things I've done while drunk that I would NEVER in a million years do while sober. I've humiliated myself in front of my entire family and countless friends and poor innocent bar-goers. I still sometimes struggle with running into people whom I know I've made a fool of myself in front of.
I understand your case is different as you have legal issues to be dealt with as well. Over time you will continue to make progress, both in your sobriety as well as your mental state, and I think you will be able to come to terms with the past and ~let it go~. Three of the most beautiful words ever spoken!!
PJ answered it perfectly so you may want to re read what he wrote.
I have an excellent book called,"The 12 steps for Everyone who really wants them" which walks you through each of the steps in easy to understand language. It is the AA 12 steps adapted for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous) because it sounds like your emotions are holding you you back from spiritual growth, which would get rid of your self pity and other negative emotions. If you trust me with your address, I will send you a free copy but if not, I totally understand and you can buy it used on amazon for a few dollars.
The way that I look at it is, today is the first day of the rest of my life. All I am interested in are the things I CAN change and everything thing else, I turn over to God. I accept the past as having been a necessary part of growing but then I let it go. For me, it's the only way!
God Bless!
I realized I never had to behave like that before, and that gave me the freedom to forgive myself because I knew I was getting off that merry-go-round of bad behavior, regret, remorse, shame, guilt and apologies, repeated over and over again.
I also found that the "amends" steps, in which I became fully accountable for my actions helped me put that past behind me.
You sound like a lucky guy to me.
Life isn't fair, thankfully.
You can overcome the legal woes, by following the program and being of service today. Think forward. People will begin to look at your present and future, and they too will leave you past in the behind.