Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
How do you deal with other peoples awkward reactions when your not drinking? I'm pretty damn good at being sober at this point but I haven't mastered other idiots stupid reactions for why I don't want an alcoholic drink.
For example. I went on a 2nd date with a someone. We walked around a lake and then were going to go bowling. There was a wait for a lane so she asked if I wanted to grab a drink at the bar. I said sure. We looked over the beer menu and the bartender came up and asked what we wanted. She ordered a Hefeweizen beer, I admit I was mildly tempted to just say fuck it I'll have ONE beer. I ordered a Lemonade Iced Tea, the bartender like did a double take, stuttered and was like I'll bring those right out. Then right away her reaction was "So...you don't drink at all?" I was like "well not really so much right now..." and deflected the comment. Ok that one was minor.
Last night I played frisbee golf with some friends. They wanted to get a beer after and I figured what the hell I'll come with, it's nice to see my friends plus the baseball game is on. They ordered a beer each and they asked what I wanted, same thing Lemonade Iced Tea. The girl bartending gave me a confused look. She got them their beers, and had shaken up my Lemonade Iced Tea which was cool, then she set it down and was like "There's your Lemonade Iced Tea" and then sarcastically said "I spiked it." I couldn't tell if she was making a dumb joke or it was an awkward comment but it came off as really a really cuntish thing to say. I almost said something back but I didn't I'm better than that now. WTF I try to have a normal life and have worked so hard to be sober why do people gotta make igrnorant comments. Maybe I look weird ordering a lemonade at a bar, I can accept that. She looks like a complete asshole making a joke about it.
How do you guys handle dealing with people who simply don't get it or are too innocent to know what we know?
For example. I went on a 2nd date with a someone. We walked around a lake and then were going to go bowling. There was a wait for a lane so she asked if I wanted to grab a drink at the bar. I said sure. We looked over the beer menu and the bartender came up and asked what we wanted. She ordered a Hefeweizen beer, I admit I was mildly tempted to just say fuck it I'll have ONE beer. I ordered a Lemonade Iced Tea, the bartender like did a double take, stuttered and was like I'll bring those right out. Then right away her reaction was "So...you don't drink at all?" I was like "well not really so much right now..." and deflected the comment. Ok that one was minor.
Last night I played frisbee golf with some friends. They wanted to get a beer after and I figured what the hell I'll come with, it's nice to see my friends plus the baseball game is on. They ordered a beer each and they asked what I wanted, same thing Lemonade Iced Tea. The girl bartending gave me a confused look. She got them their beers, and had shaken up my Lemonade Iced Tea which was cool, then she set it down and was like "There's your Lemonade Iced Tea" and then sarcastically said "I spiked it." I couldn't tell if she was making a dumb joke or it was an awkward comment but it came off as really a really cuntish thing to say. I almost said something back but I didn't I'm better than that now. WTF I try to have a normal life and have worked so hard to be sober why do people gotta make igrnorant comments. Maybe I look weird ordering a lemonade at a bar, I can accept that. She looks like a complete asshole making a joke about it.
How do you guys handle dealing with people who simply don't get it or are too innocent to know what we know?
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I found that in the many times I quit before I would try to do the normal things. Go to a bar etc. I would be able to not drink, but my insides would ache so badly to be a normal drinker. I would almost obsess on how much fun all were able to have , and I felt left out. I remember one time after 2 years of not drinking when we were at a party at my wife's friends house. The host asked what I wanted , knowing I was not drinking they had coke and ginger ale... Red wine was my answer. It just came out like I couldn't stop it. I drank for 5 more years?
This time I tell myself I'm not going to get into situations of danger. It is reality. I just leave if it's a scene.
I also have friends that I call when I'm going into a lions den and tell them when I'm coming out and that I will call them.
My go to answer is I don't drink. And usually a bartender respects my order of a double club soda w lime. They deal with drunks and actually respect it. I also tip like I was drinking. They also like that.
Bottom line is I'm an alcoholic. I have a predisposition to abuse alcohol. I need to stay with others that understand me and a group of other drunks makes me not feel alone. It is tough at times but I am the 1 in 12. I admit it and that makes it easier.
1is2many
When I stopped judging others and started practicing forgiveness was when I finally began to feel a peace and happiness, I never thought existed!
God Bless!
It takes an awful lot for me to conclude a person is an "idiot" or described something someone has said as you did. When you are 100% committed and comfortable with being a non-drinker you won't even notice reactions to your status.
My girlfriend's ex-husband moved back to this area before she did and started telling everyone she had been cheating on him and was on meth. One of her friends told her about the rumors and she made a huge joke out of them. She didn't care because she knew the people who mattered would never believe them.
Of course, it's much easier said than done. I still have a hard time with worrying about what other people think. I asked her how she does it. She said, "I don't really have to do anything. I have people I care about. Their opinions matter. If someone believes something like that about me, they clearly don't care about me so why should I care about them?" So, stealing her words - if someone puts you down for not drinking, they don't give a damn about you or your well-being so why should you care about them or what they think?
As for other friends, I agree with the other comments here. Tell them you don't drink. That should be enough. No other explanation needed. Then, move on to the next subject with them; talk about the food. Or a mutual activity....sports or whatever.
I found out just how sensitive I am after I got sober irregardless of others sensibilities. My middle name was always Butt " dont You KNow who I Am" :)) they never did ...They were just busy being themselves:))) And I was busy Doing the best I could and trying be a little more objective instead of projecting out I became far more introspective!! That payed off In the long run! But I do hear you loud and Clear CR
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vAOVRkSCWmg
Billy
For example the waitress was probably just trying to be witty and the bartender may never had heard someone order that or was thinking "shit do we have both so I can make that?"
We tend to think we are being treated differently but I don't believe that to be true on the other hand telling someone you don't drink at all is a bit more of a challenge.
I have only had one person be a total ass in my 5 sober years so far. And that was a waiter. He actually brought me a spiked coffee after I refused drinks all night. I was about to take a sip when I realized it had booze in it. I told him then HEY I DON'T drink so back the hell off.
I over reacted but his pushiness was over the top. Short of that, no one has been too reactive. A few friends have asked me repeatedly to have a drink and I just tell them repeatedly --- no.
Oh and I stay out of bars. Unless I am there for a business function (a few rare occasions) or have another reason like a band, or a dinner happening in the same place, I don't want to be there. I don't want to be in an environment where everyone else is there to get drunk. it bores me and I find it tedious.