I can't moderate at all. I'm a mess. I keep drinking. I just had 2 weeks sober and drank 1/2 gallon of wine last night. Right now I am feeling horrible so I just went and got a glass of wine. I usually drink beer..thought that wine would make it so I didn't drink this morning...but NOPE. I hear ya....its all or nothing with us. You have to stop completely as do I.

Yes you are making sense, the way you feel is quite understandable. The choice is yours - you are fortunate if you can be really honest with yourself about how much you are drinking and controlling it successfully. However, it seems to be causing you concern so the question you could consider is "Does what you gain from drinking outweigh the concerns you have?"

Personally I love the freedom of not drinking at all and feeling so much healthier, but then I could never control how I drank, all bets were off once I started.

My best friend had lost very little when i met her, unlike me, but she certainly had an emotional bottom from what had happened so far. She has a couple of years sober now and is also happy not to need or want a drink these days.

Everyone can be different, in my view the "bottom" comes when sobriety is way more desirable than drinking. Some of us are half dead when/if that happens and for others they get to that point far sooner and save themselves a lot of pain and complication.

I hope this might help in some way as you make your choices.

Hello Needhelp4me2quit,

Rock bottom is a term that once described alcoholics who were in the gutter and who were almost exclusively male and of a certain age. It was thought at the time that nearly all alcoholics were male and quite old. Then women and young people started turning up and people with good jobs and two cars in the garage so rock bottom had to be redefined. Therefore, rock bottom can be whatever you want it to be.

I do not like the term real alcoholic because I believe that every alcoholic is a real alcoholic but for the purpose of explanation it may be useful to look at the difference between someone who can drink moderately and a so-called real alcoholic. If you are in the second category you will not succeed in moderating your drinking.

Someone who does not have a problem with alcohol can moderate his or her drinking quite easily or sometimes with difficulty and can also quit drinking if there is a strong enough reason. A person who is in the early stages of alcoholism may also be able to moderate for a time or quit. However, alcoholism is a progressive condition and if such a person keeps drinking the condition will gradually worsen until that person becomes what some people call a real alcoholic. The trouble is that few drinkers will have a desire to quit when it is still possible to do so and by the time that they see the reality of where they are it will be too late.

What then is the difference between a moderate or normal drinker and an alcoholic? Well, it is said that there are two distinct differences, one in the mind and one in the body. If you understand how an alcoholic is mentally and bodily different you may be able to see why such a person can never succeed in moderating. People are probably tired of reading this but it is important to know so here it is once more:

An alcoholic is someone who has developed an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol and it is because of this abnormal reaction that moderation is not possible in the long term. When a person with this abnormal reaction takes a drink or two, a craving develops in the body (not in the mind) for more alcohol. The craving leads to another drink and this in turn increases the craving still further. Such a person may decide to place limits on the number of drinks or may try all sorts of tricks in order to moderate but the end result is likely to be: To hell with this give me another drink. If you ever had the experience that I have had of drinking all day and all night, coming home and searching the house for another drink, that is a physical craving for alcohol at work. Although there may be a cure for alcoholism some day there is presently no treatment known to science that can reverse this abnormal reaction. The good news however is that the craving for more can never develop if the first drink is avoided.

The mental component of alcoholism is an obsession for alcohol. This obsession works in the mind (not in the body) and the job of the obsession is to convince an alcoholic that he or she needs alcohol in order to function and survive. Plausible excuses will be dreamt up, for example: I haven't truly hit bottom yet or Im still reasonably well off or No jail time, or car crashes, or physical fights and many more along those lines.

In my case it was not until it got so bad that I no longer believed my own excuses that I had to make a decision along the lines of: Do I keep fighting this to the bitter end which often means being locked up or covered up, or Do I accept defeat and look for help.

You ask: Why should I keep drinking (albeit less frequently and not as much) rather than just stop? The answer to that question may be that you have a mental obsession for alcohol that is so strong that it overcomes your willpower. If that is the case, you may need help. You dont have to stay on the elevator until it reaches the bottom floor.

I hit the bottom ( for me ) on June 8, 2012 because honestly since I got sober on June 9 it has been nothing but up. Man I don't miss the shame The guilt. The depression. I am proud of the sober me. It took a good deal of work but it's amazing.

And I just need to stay close to the beast by coming here and checking in to see I really can't have just one.

Moderation is for monks ...
1-2

Weather or not you want to quit is entirely up to you. If you want to quit, then we will do everything we can to help you stay sober but if not, then it's your choice to stay on that endless downward spiral until something tragic happens like your doctor discovers during a routine physical that your liver enzymes are way up so sends your for a liver biopsy which shows you have sirosis and so doctors says, I am sorry sir but you have 2 years to live.

That's exactly what happened to my mother who was dead at the age of 52 which is not a good way to go, by the way, cause you essentially bleed to death!

So if you want to keep tempting fate and keep spinning the chamber on the gun, sooner or later or later it is bound to go off!

In summery, my suggestion is to ask yourself this question, "How do I want people to remember me?"\

God Bless!

I believe many think to be an alcoholic you need to be in dirty clothes sitting/sleeping on a park bench drinking from a paper bag. *Always think of the character in to Kill a Mocking Bird who everyone thinks he is an alcoholic because he drinks from a paper bag. Turns out he is drinking soft drink and does not drink. Guess this is all about perception and understanding.

For me what makes me alcoholic is when I put grog in I can not control how much I drink. The loss of jobs, bankruptcies, car crashes, divorces, locked up in institutions etc are just the drama of drinking.

I had not lost all this stuff in my life, I have a wife, a home, two cars, boat and a lot of finer trappings of life. I used these things to justify that I was not an alcoholic. Having these trappings allowed me to live in denial and justify to drink.

For me the truth is once I put grog in I can not control how much I drink that is what makes me alcoholic. Having accepted that then I was able to move forward in my life.

Wishing you well G8

According to your Public Journal, you wrote:
'Today is the day I admit to myself that I have a major problem with alcohol. I no longer drink "socially." I drink to "self-medicate."
I have gained a lot of weight because of my drinking. I have procrastinated on projects and life goals. I don't exercise like I should due to alcohol use. PLUS I feel miserable'.

Today, me personally, I wanted a drink so bad. My Partner is getting bottles and bottles of alcohol as gifts for the holiday season, Very tempting. But I know if I slip (AGAIN), I know the end result. I will be back at day 1. I will be feeling guilt and shame. I also will be having a war in my brain, thinking things like: 'well maybe I can just have 1 more or maybe I can't'?
Because of your post that your wrote today titled "Hitting Bottom", it just reinforced the fact that I do not want to mentally torment myself, I do not want a war going on in my head and I will not be having a drink.
Thank you for helping me figure it out tonight.

Here's the deal. I get in a "bad place" with my drinking. Then I recognize what I'm doing, and I get better. Then I question whether or not it was "really that bad" after all. What a nightmare.
As long as I keep it down to a few drinks in the evening - then everything is fine. Well . . . actually not. I keep adding weight, my blood pressure stays elevated, and I keep stalling on my life goals. It's all a house of cards.
Thank you all for being a place I call "talk out loud" about these issues. And Merry Christmas everyone!

Another description of an alcoholic is one who minimizes!

God Bless!

My question for you is, WHY would you want to wait to hit bottom???

Isn't that like waiting to get lung cancer to stop smoking???

Not drinking is better than drinking. Period.

What's preventing you from just saying no??? THAT's the key issue.

I had to be sick of feeling sick, hopeless and terrified. I love what another poster said about the bottom being when she quit. Yes amen that. Bottom is when you stop digging. For me it was when I said say I'm done, and mean it, admitted defeat and asked for help.

I'd had a friend involved in a fatal motorcycle crash after a party at my home, that didn't do it. Drank in the pediatric icu when my son was recovering, that didn't do it...and so on and so on.

I was done when I was done. Are you?

"Hitting bottom" is when you stop digging the hole you are in and start climbing out.

You can quit anytime you decide to stop torturing yourself by drinking and stopping and drinking again. it starts with the decision, then you need to figure out how to see that decision through.

NHTQ, be smarter than I was. Desperation is how I sobered up. My fear of the KNOWN was greater than my fear of the unknown. That is what gave me the willingness to go to great lengths to stay stopped.

I was like Gr8fl. I had all the trappings so I thought that made me a success. At the end of my drinking, nothing made me happy. My anxiety was through the roof, my weight gaining with every drink, my blood pressure way high, my relationships with friends and loved ones dysfunctional. I had been reading about AA starting 2 years before I actually stopped drinking. I was very fearful about stopping. Key for me was that the alcohol stopped working for me.

You don't have to wait for something catastrophic to happen in your life. Who knows when you'll have another opportunity to stop?
I wish you sobriety and peace of mind.

I think you are making a mistake if you think you have to 'hit bottom' before you can get recovery from alcoholism. I, too, have never had jail time or car crashes or physical fights. I've never had a personality change either. However, I did get to the point when drunk one night of wanting to attempt suicide. That's enough for me. So is all the incredible sickness of mind, body and spirit. I know I can't moderate, because I don't want to moderate. I want to drink the way I always drank - too much.
good luck, I hope you can get sober sooner rather than later, and stop looking at the differences. You know you're in trouble with your drinking, that's enough to seek recovery.

Many alcoholics and addicts hit bottom at death. Don't take any opportunity to get sober lightly as it just might be your last. I'm not thinking the moderation thing is going to end well