Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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Hi hoping to get some advice...

Hopealways
Hopealways

Hi,


I've been debating for a week or more to join and post anything. I come in total peace and admire the compassion everyone has for one another. 


I'm asking for sincere help in two questions. 


My cousin and I are best friends. Grew up around addiction/ alcoholism our entire lives. I told him I wanted to ask this group a question but was afraid of rejection. Both my parents are recovered alcoholics. The rest of my family either is still using or has been recovered various years. I flat out asked my cousin who is an alcoholic if I am. My cousin said yes. 


Growing up I heavily drank. Being honest I cannot do anything in moderation. I have a very addictive personality. If it is not alcohol, then I have switched to smoking, or excessive exercise to the point of anorexia in the past. Those aren't the only things but I am embarrassed of some of the things I have switched to in excess.


I have not drank in two years. Mainly due to health problems and due to my significant other becoming sober from alcohol and pain killers. The reason I am coming forward and asking the nice people in this group is because over the past two years I have spent most of my time helping my cousin/other family members get into hospitals, detox, etc due to my line of work.


My cousin checked himself into a detox this weekend. I was so proud. I also started hysterically crying prior. I did not know if they would go. Then I felt like I had to evaluate why I was crying and what that truly meant. I have been on Alanon. I always get frustrated and end up leaving. I am trying to take a deeper look at myself. My cousin plans on calling me during his allotted time in a few hours. He asks me for advice or help with coping. To be honest, I'm at a loss for words. I am usually not. Any advice is helpful. I am open to constructive criticism. I come to each of you with an open mind and heart. 


Thank you for taking the time to read this. Many Blessings to each of you. 

1is2many
1is2many
You are very welcome here. As an alcoholic in recovery I found out some things that I really didn’t know when I was activly drinking. I am an empath. Basically I feel what others are feeling and become very emotionally involved. I used booze to short circuit the intense feelings. So when I am not drinking I feel the emotions and feelings that for so long I didn’t want to feel. Could it be you care so deeply for others and in the end there is not much left over for you.

I would suggest something, do something for you. Something that you have always wanted to do that will make you happy. Also try to make strides to allow yourself to be happy. I have found that I was constantly sabatoging myself and when I finally said it’s ok to be happy it was very freeing.

Another fact is this alcoholism is just a word. My life is normal in all aspects, just I know to avoid the first one because I will be in the gutter pronto and Stu just drinking daily if I have that “just one”. ( it was never just one it was a bunch)
It is also very heavy in the family genes and behaviors. It was a relief when I finally figured out what was wrong.

Prayers and I found a lot of help from other alcoholics that had figured out ways to cope and enjoy life. Now I have a network of sober friends. Cmon life is waiting

1is2many
Hopealways
Hopealways
Thank you 1is2many. I cannot tell you how much your words mean to me.
I definitely self sabotage without a doubt. I feel sort of like I'm not allowed to be happy. I told my cousin last week who has been suicidal for many years I felt bad for constantly giving him advice or sounding preachy if you will, when I for several years of
attempting to cope with my own trauma by drinking and other methods attempted a few times. I know I need to let myself be happy. Many Blessings my friend. Thank you dearly for you advice.
1is2many
1is2many
Stop saving the world and save yourself. The thing for me was like on an airplane that’s in trouble I needed to get the oxygen on me first. Then move along to those I care for. The main issue for me was dealing with fear. Fear of abandonment. Fear of death. Fear of life. To get past this I try to do things for others and it gives me some sense of self worth. It’s a weird thing but the selfish me and the self centered me were ashamed... enter pity, self loathing, and low self esteem. I used booze to give me the confidence to be bold and outgoing... but it only worked against me and made me do things that I was ashamed of and need to drink again.

Sorry you had the accident but maybe your purpose is to be revealed. You have things to do and places to go so get busy. I would also suggest some therapy thru some program. I couldn’t teach myself what I didn’t know. It’s like trying to lift myself up by my shoelaces. It’s impossible. But my alcoholic brain will try , and try. And try again. Asking for help was a watershed moment

1-2
TailorSailor
TailorSailor
I have friends, and relatives, who I just simply cannot help. On my own I cannot really help anyone to the point of help that God can, but I have found listening to them, and allowing them to speak, is very helpful for them. Most of the time they just want to vent, or talk without anyone telling them they are wrong.

It is very difficult for us to admit we were wrong, we are very scared we are going to get punished morally, mostly from teachings that God is vengeful and a control freak, which is simply wrong. God is love, forgiving, and wants us to just be friends to our loved ones.

Frustrations can block the help, because we know our relatives the best, so I have found that being supportive, and listening, instead of assertive and dominating the conversation is best for them.
Dps4673
Dps4673
Welcome to the group! I found during my time drinking that I was using the alcohol to cope with a lot of childhood trauma. Instead of treating my anxiety and depression the right way I would turn to the booze to numb myself. After multiple relapses I finally decided to see a mental health professional and counselor. I immediately started on antidepressants which surprisingly took away cravings since I wasn't seeking to cope with my depression and anxiety. I also created my perfect "lifestyle" that I wanted to live but only dabbled in since I still wanted to drink. Keep a daily schedule and set aside a lot of "me" time to do things you enjoyed. Celebrate the little wins and be kind to yourself!
Hopealways
Hopealways
Thank you so much Tailorsailor and 1is2many
Hopealways
Hopealways
Thank you Dps4673. I have been seeing therapists and I as well am on medication for depression ans anxiety. I definitely need to make some me time that is more structured. Many blessings. Thank you all for welcoming me. It means a lot.
jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
Agree 100% with 1is2, work on yourself. Go to AA and work on your drinking, your emotion and your pain. Now you and your cousin can work a program together. There’s more to sobriety than the physical addiction. Sure you’ve stopped but how are you working on the turmoil that leads you to drink, smoke, or exercise excessively? Therapy can help too. AA calmed my mind!
Hopealways
Hopealways
Thank you Jeffneedshelp, I have been in therapy over ten years. I try to meditate, do yoga, acupuncture in the past. I just spoke to my Uncle who has been a mentor to me for years. He has been sober 25 years. He said the same thing to get to a meeting. With a few curse words in between. That's honestly just how he talks. He agreed that my main issue that repeats the cycle of my addictive behaviors is self loathing/not loving myself. I gravitate to helping others. I know I have a lot more work to do on myself.
My significant other agreed to go with me to my first meeting.
jeffneedshelp
jeffneedshelp
Awesome!
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Any kind of addiction is always triggered by underlying causes. These were the things I was treated for when I when I went through outpatient treatment followed by counseling, but the best thing that helped me was when I was in detox and I came across a book called "The 12 steps for everyone who really wants them, written by Jerry Hirschfield who is also a recovered alcoholic and is now working as a psychologist. It is the AA 12 steps adapted for EHA (Emotional Health Anonymous) and it walks you through each of the steps in great detail. It is very easy to understand and to practice the steps in your life which is where you will see many positive changes over time. This book was a gateway to me which helped me grow at the spiritual level and brought many miracles into my life. Like a gateway drug which leads you to other drugs, this book led me the other way...up instead of down!
That was 10 years ago and today I have a great life and am very happy!

I have an extra copy of this book which I can send you for free if you trust me with your address. If not then I totally understand. You can also find it used on amazon for a few dollars. I really think it will help you and I highly recommend.

God Bless
Hopealways
Hopealways
Bobinmaine, thank you so much. Is it only on amazon or can I get it from a Barnesnoble? I appreciate you offering your extra copy. You may need it for another person you meet. It means a lot to me. I am spiritual. I dont attend church anymore, but I do believe in God. If you have any other books you recommend as well I am all ears.
I want to thank everyone that has responded. I honestly feel a huge weight is lifted off my shoulders. My journey is far from over but each of you has restored my hope that I can push through, have support, and begin to love myself again. Many blessings.
MrDavid
MrDavid
Thanks for stopping by Hopealways. I personally can relate, because I also never did anything in moderation. I have a compulsive behavior in whatever I do. But, once I start I can not stop. I have the seed, and at first when I was younger I did not want to admit, but I knew. My mom had me read proverbs, and I cried like a baby from guilt of knowing I could be doing better. it took me some time to get there. When people ask me how am I doing? My response is the better I do the better everyone does. Positive regard and accepting him where is, is all you can do. Encourage him to stay focused. You have the answers to your future. Stay focused.
Community Leaderbobinmaine
bobinmaine
Yes Hope, I just checked. You can get it through the Barnes and Noble marketplace online used for $1.99. New is $25.

God Bless
smokekiller
smokekiller
You are sober tow years but for for reasons other than being fully accepting of alcoholism. Perhaps you won'r have some of the answers to your cousins questions yet and that's OK. It OK to admit and to refer to someone else.
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