After 5 years Sliding in and out of the doors of AA , looking for reasons I wasn't an alkie by looking at the guys whose stories were much worse than mine and deciding "I'm not that bad so i couldn't be one" I finaly hit my own bottom and started to listen to what others were saying and discovered that a lot of them were like me when they came in. The words "the next one is the one I had do avoid because it triggered the start of another journey into hell.
I got a sponsor who had a lengthy period of sobriety and did what he told me along the way. One day at a time I will, God willing, have 40 years sobriety this March 25.
Over the years I noticed that in sobriety it isn't the hard times that make us go back out.(We tend to have lived through hard times in the past.) Most of us in early sobriety that go back out is because we havn't learned how to live when good things start happening. Find yourself a no nonsence sponsot who isn't afraid to chew you out when you start straying of the path.
Good luck on your court case.

Forgot to add that those who we thoguht were friends and try to tell you that after a few weeks or months it's safe tohave a drink or two now, are not your friends, The ones that tell you that if you take a drink they'll kick your ass are your friends.

What happens in DUI court ?

@ Flashreturns

Depends where you get caught drinking and driving. Here in Maine, it's an automatic two days in jail for the first offence. The penalties get progressively harsher, the more you get caught. The reason why the penalties are so severe is because we have many accidents resulting in deaths caused by drunkin driving. I once met a young lady at an AA meeting who spent 5 years in jail for killing someone while driving drunk.

@FredL Congratulations on 40 years. I hope I live long enough to have sobriety for that length of time!

@PAJimbo It's alot easier to stay sober when you love yourself and the people around you.

Don't forget to pick up your 24 hour honesty chip. I have had 3 in my life. The last one was 6 years ago. A new sponsor helped me through some difficult times and without him, my last relapse could have been my last!
Good luck!

God Bless

Great posts, above; thank you. I love and need to hear the message over and over, although I am coming up on 11 years in about a week. The disease tells us that trying a drink...that "first sucker drink"... might be ok. I like to remind myself (and others) that AA is an abstinence program...in "Alcoholics Anonymous" [the "Big Book"] both Dr. Silkworth in "The Doctor's Opinion" and AA co-founder, Dr. Bob, in "Dr. Bob's Nightmare" use the word "abstinence." Keep up the good work, all of us, one day at a time.

Thanks for sharing your story. AA has worked for me. I hope you keep coming back.

thanks for the share Jimbo, welcome to our little group. my eventual sobriety came late in life too, after a lifetime of relapses, broken marriages and relationships. have been sober about 1000 days now and in spite of all the shit I went through and caused others, it's been like a new life. not perfect by any means, but finally able to be close to the man I want to be, living without shame and regrets. I hope this for you man, I really do.

thank you all for the experiences, much strength, and a lot of hope...

48 days today...not too bad for a guy in and out for 30 years and up until 3 years ago had 10 years

funny thing - I was at a meeting that focused on Step 2 - typical for a step meeting in February - and I was asked to share - AND - instead of thinking of a great and well thought out response that would get an AA standing ovation - I was caught off guard and spewed out what I think was some very deep honesty...

I don't believe GOD or a HIGHER POWER can restore me to sanity

my sponsor asked the typical questions - "do you not believe in God" or "believe that GOD can't do it" or is it "nobody but me can fix me"

if you read step 2 in the 12 and 12 all of these scenarios are covered and I think I am a combo

biggest problem maybe...all of my life growing up on a farm and in a rural area in the 60s and 70s and as a GAY boy and even after high school into college and beyond as a GAY man I was terrified to tell anyone about "me" as being different and/or talk to anybody about how hard it was for me which led me to only relying on myself for anything and everything

i came to distrust and be fearful of everything and everything with the assumption that everything and everyone didn't approve of me and wanted to hurt me - thus - the only person place or thing that I trusted was ME and of course booze and other stuff which helped temporarily drown out the pain and fear and everything else

SO...

what do I do if I don't even trust GOD or the UNIVERSE or anyone else to have the power to restore me? 12 and 12 I think says - all I have to do is notice how folks like any of you...@kevin105, @jeffneedshelp, @risober, @bobinmaine, or @fredl - have stayed sober - supposedly making the connection that all of you got sober with the help of your higher powers

the ego or dummy in me says....well...that's fine...maybe GOD or whoever or your individual HPs did that for you...but I don't get that luxury

you ES&H would be great right now!

peace to all

Jimbo

Do you think YOU have the power to restore you? Countless people have achieved long term recovery without ever stepping into an AA meeting or ever opening up the Big Book. So I believe some people do have the power to get sober without acknowledging God or His help.

In "The Doctor's Opinion", Dr Silkwood refers to an "entire psychic change" that is necessary if one has any hope of recovery.

Just what is a "psychic change"? I don't know if the true AA definition is found in AA literature. But I tend to think the psychic change is a complete change of psyche (the human mind, soul or spirit) as a personality change. A complete upheaval of the way one thinks, therefore a change in the way one feels and behaves.

The 12 Steps are a mere formula to follow with the result being a psychic change stemming from a belief and a reliance on God.

But is it possible to undergo that personality change by human aid alone? I tend to think so (primarily because just because I don't believe in God, that doesn't mean God doesn't believe in me or that God doesn't move in mysterious ways).

I believe the Steps of AA are kinda like a self-guided self help manual. If Step 2 and possible step 3 are causing trouble for you, perhaps you can move forward to Steps 4 and 5. The steps that work to identify your fears, insecurities and other "character defects" that drive you to drink in order to lessen those fears. Then YOU be the one to remove those defects of character. You do have the individual power to work on yourself to make that psychic change on your own.

I hope I made some semblance of sense or logic. I guess my argument is that one can follow the steps (with or without God's guidance) and hopefully find the same result. Or a similar result or at least a more favorable result than continued drinking.

And for the ego... My ego and arrogance told me that "if those jerks can get sober, I sure as hell can get sober too!" Because my ego told me (and still tells me at times) that I was so much better than my fellows.

Good luck!!

Jimbo...nothing shabby at all about 48 days, maybe this morning 49? I go to a Step meeting every Thursday, One of my, meaning MY, biggest problems with the 12 and 12 book is that the word "God" is used countless times, and many times before the key words, for me, in Step 3: GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. I have to keep those words in mind, and I realize that my understanding of God is changing constantly. I just thank the invisible void, while doing my very early walks, for keeping me away from a drink and a drug. It has worked for 11 years and 3 days for me. I heard an anecdote when I first got sober. A woman says to her friend: "God is keeping me sober." Friend asks: "How do you know that it is God?" Woman replies: "I don't. But I did not ask anyone else for help."

good morning RiSober - and yes it is a good morning and I am grateful because I woke up to day 49.

thank you so much for your words...back in 2007 (the beginning of 10 years sober) I found yoga and codependents anonymous. YOGA was great and I found myself thanking the "UNIVERSE" much like you thank "the invisible void".

CODA and my codependence along with ACOA helped me identify my "underlying malady" as in "alcohol is but a symptom of an underlying malady"

As I work through this "struggle" with step 2 I have to also admit that prior education and employment (M.S. in Biostastics & Epidemiology and 25 years of work in the field) automatically have me looking back on the past events to predict my future.

Doing this of course - past experiences of 30 years of meetings - 3 treatment centers with 2 of them being very long and very expensive - even the yoga and ACOA/CODA - at first glance I see my probability of success now past on my past very slim indeed.

My failures in sobriety (which there have been many) though have resulted because of my failure to continue to do what the program of the 12 steps and recovery tell us to do.

The biggest reason has always been my failure to continue to stay connected to the program...my biggest failure 3 years ago after 10 years of sobriety resulted from me getting into a very codependent relationship and stopping my meeting attendance and connections to those folks who have maintained their sobriety.

So, what the problem is - might be very simple - alas it is a simple program is it not?

The program of AA and recovery and the 12 steps actually did help me maintain sobriety as long as I worked it - the failure happened by me ending the work - not the program failing.

Thus, my lack of hope, my ultimate hopelessness I feel now at 57 and 30 years of trying falls on me and my lack of work and not the program and it's work.

As for GOD...and GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM...I'm gonna try this morning to let that one go...and use your words and thank "the invisible void" - especially since it's still February and here in PA it's another blue sky sunny day and it is supposed to be in the 40s or maybe even 50 again!

Thanks again for your words.

Jimbo

I drank to hide from my guilt, shame, and remorse. I found booze at an early age helped me to hide from ME. Now remove the booze and I’m there ALL the time.

I too quit many many times. This time I finally figured out that it was not the booze , it was ME. So today I try to keep this game simple. I try to help someone. I try to be good so I have some self respect.

It is possible and if you just start to believe in yourself you can get some lasting sobriety.

Give a helping hand to someone today. You will have a good feeling and self respect will help

1-2

congrats on waking up to day forty-nine today. so grateful for all of us who can greet another day without the burden of addiction.

like you, I relapsed when I lost touch with the principles that got me home. that was after a year of sobriety. looking back now, I'm convinced that I had to go through this ordeal to learn the value of the steps, my recovery plan, so I'd never forget how vulnerable I am without keeping them close.

I think a lot of us here had to experience a hard relapse to get this.

continued success!