You could start going to Al-anon meetings for a start. I am sorry you're having to deal with this while pregnant. I think you could find some lovely people who would understand just what you're going through. Is your husband seeking any treatment at all?

No.No treatment.Only when he is drunk he claims to have a problem.But when he sobers up he says he doesnt.He says there is nothing wrong with drinking occasionally.

He could be headed into dangerous territory if he's not doing it everyday but he's headed in that direction. I had to decide that it was time to knock it off and not jeopardize the rest of my life. That has to come from him wanting it. That's why I think outside support would help and it might plant a seed for him to seek help and understand why he needs to get drunk.

tray... from some of the things you have said on the other board... i am really glad to see you here.
Ok, so now it is time for an opinion(watch out)!
From the way it sounds, i think that it might be a pretty good idea for you to get yourself to an AlAnon meeting.
I believe that your husband is an alcoholic, and he has been putting you through hell.
the people that you meet their will have either been, or ARE where you are!

their=there

Thanks for you answers..I am so relieved to have someone to talk to about this.He makes me feel like I am the bad guy,trying to control him and tell him what he can and cant do.And thats not it.But I also will not stay with someone who chooses alcohol or friends over family.Jimmy you know from the other board I like to have fun but this is serious stuff.How can I get him to see that this is a serious problem?

I have heard of someone putting a family portrait by their favorite drink, and asked himself which one is more important. That would make me think a little. I have no clue how the outcome may turnout, but you might find an answer then.

Thanks David.It seems like him looking around and seeing tons of baby stuff everywhere would make him realize,KWIM..I told him this morning he has to decide whats more important and what he's going to do about it.

Your family is in my prayers. However the outcome make sure you take care of you, and the children first.

Thanks David..Thats why I am trying to fix this before this baby gets here..I need all the prayers I can get.

Tray, I'm really sorry to hear what you're going through. Try Al Anon.

You can only work on yourself. You can't change him. But you can work on yourself, learn how to set boundaries, learn how to not accept unacceptable behaviour. And if nothing changes with your husband, you can make a decision. Just try to remember that you can't fix him. And you can't control him or his disease either. The only person you can change is yourself. With an active alcoholic, things will only get worse if he doesn't seek treatment. You dont deserve that. More than that, your baby doesnt deserve that.
Untreated alcoholism destroys the alcoholic and everything around them especially their family. Please take care of yourself.

How do I set boundaries?Not accept unacceptable behavior?I make it known when he does wrong but it doesnt matter to him.He admits to messing up and promises to never do it again and a few weeks later we are right back to square one.He wonders why I dont trust or believe him but how can I?I asked him if he was having an affair and he says no.Its a vicious circle we are going in..

You will get stronger if you work on your recovery in Al Anon. You will get to a point where you can say something like: 'if you're drunk, you can't home' or 'I cannot except this situation anymore. I am leaving if you don't get help', and stick to it.
I understand it's a viciuos cycle.
And you know, when he is promising you that he won't do it again, he probably means it. But the disease of alcoholism is very incidious. That why there will be broken promises, broken hearts. As long as he is an active alcoholic, nothing can stand between him and his drinking. And that's not because he is a bad person, but because he is a sick person.
Think about you and your baby. What do you want? Do you want a happy life with a partner that is going to respect you, love you, be there for you? If this is what you want, it will not happen with an active alcoholic. This disease is affecting his physically, mentally and spiritually. As long as he is active, his values are out the window.
And unfortunately you can't make him quit. He needs to hit his rock bottom, whenever that may be, in order to quit. The question is .. what will you do until that happens? Take care of yourself and your baby, or put up with abuse until he's ready to quit? (if he will ever quit)
You're in my prayers. Take care!

The 1st thing you need to do is keep your self safe,maybe you should think about going to some Ala-non meetings asap, it will help you learn how to deal with this problem I promise. You can't get him SOBA he needs to want it, don't beat yourself up trying to. Hang in there is only 1 day at a time. I'm here if you need someone to talk to. GOD BLESS an SOBAS BETTA