Angie, the only thing that removed my drinking problem was finding a sponsor and going through the 12 Step programme of recovery. I had a spiritual awakening as the result and the drinking problem was removed. I have not feared or wanted a drink for a number of years.

This is possible for you if you follow the directions of the Big Book.

I remain mindful of this from Chapter 7:

"In our belief any scheme of combating alcoholism which proposes to shield the sick man from temptation is doomed to failure. If the alcoholic tries to shield himself he may succeed for a time, but usually winds up with a bigger explosion than ever. We have tried these methods. These attempts to do the impossible have always failed.
So our rule is not to avoid a place where there is drinking, if we have a legitimate reason for being there. That includes bars, nightclubs, dances, receptions, weddings, even plain ordinary whoopee parties. To a person who has had experience with an alcoholic, this may seem like tempting Providence, but it isnt.

You will note that we made and important qualification. Therefore, ask yourself on each occasion, Have I any good social, business, or personal reason for going to this place? Or am I expecting to steal a little vicarious pleasure from the atmosphere of such places? If you answer these questions satisfactorily, you need have no apprehension. Go or stay away, whichever seems best. But be sure you are on solid spiritual ground before you start and that your motive in going is thoroughly good. do not think of what you will get out of the occasion. Think of what you can bring to it. But if you are shaky, you had better work with another alcoholic instead!

Why sit with a long face in places where there is drinking, sighing about the good old days. If it is a happy occasion, try to increase the pleasure of those there; if a business occasion, go and attend to your business enthusiastically. If you are with a person who wants to eat in a bar, by all means go along. Let your friends know they are not to change their habits on your account. At a proper time and place explain to all your friends why alcohol disagrees with you. If you do this thoroughly, few people will ask you to drink. While you were drinking, you were withdrawing from life little by little. Now you are getting back into the social life of this world. Dont start to withdraw again just because your friends drink liquor."

So two things apply to help an alcoholic go where he/she wants - having good reason to go and being in fit spiritual condition. I always weigh this carefully. I live in a house where alcohol is always available, my partner is not an alcoholic but I hardly register the bottles. If I was in fear of drinking I would be unsettled at home.

Your self-protective instincts are wise while you are still disturbed around alcohol. If you go through the 12 Steps with a sponsor who had a spiritual awakening as the result she can help you to find your own. This will free you from unnecessary fear.

Hi Angie, I also can't hang around people that drink.

Hello angie73,

It probably depends very much on what you mean by hanging around with people that drink and also where you are with your own sobriety.

Personally I have no problem being around people who drink and it does not tempt me in any way. That said, I do not go into bars or such places unless I have god reason to be there. It comes down partly to the decision that I made when I accepted that I could not drink safely again. If I am not drinking I dont really have any business hanging around bars.

However, life would be very dull and restricted if I had to hide from alcohol and avoid people who drink. In order to get to where I am no longer tempted in such situations I had to bring about a big change in my way of thinking. I did not have the knowledge or experience to bring about these changes and that is why I got a sponsor who helped me through the Twelve Steps.

I cannot tell you what you should do but it is important to be true to yourself. Maybe you need to find some sort of half-way point with your husband so that you can do things together. I have found that there is a whole big world out there that does not rely on drinking and I am doing new things that I would never have considered doing when I was confined to a bar stool.

Most don't . Some do. I use the AA philosophy that if I am spiritually fit AND have a good reason for going I can go anywhere. However, for me hanging out in a bar is not a good reason and even if I had a good reason its not something I would do all the time. Also there is a difference between people drinking and people getting drunk. I do not like to be around drunk people

booze is everywhere, we can't grocery shop with out seeing it. I have no problem going to a bar or around people that drink. My hubby enjoys a glass of wine I even pour it for him. And he is on a bowing league. There is a lot of alcohol there too. But I still go with him occasionally. I just choose not to drink. it's just not an option for me. I am always just one drink away from staying sober, no matter where I am. it is always up to me NOT to drink.

I hang with people who drink -- primarily at restaurants, meals, parties and business events. Doesn't bother me. I try to avoid being around people who are drunk, not because I am tempted to drink (being around sloppy drunks makes me very happy to be sober), but because ti isn't fun.

But that's me -- you have to do what is right for you.

I'd rather have a cup of tea with a friend than go to a party. I think that was me long before I became a drunk. I might still go out if I want to or need to but its important I think to be comfortable saying "not tonight Josephine, I don't want to do that" :)

spent a long time trying to be someone I'm not, what a relief to put that burden down.

Sorry if you're other half doesn't appreciate that. Maybe you could explain its a matter of preference rather than weakness?

P

Oh and suggest some common interests so you can do things together...doesn't have to be bright lights, big city eh?

P

im ditto with all the other posters. For me this all comes down to how spiritualy fit I am. This question came up for me in my first 40 days I was given a sponsor and I was with him and my grand sponsor and I asked my grand sponsor what about the booze in my house? He asked me who it belonged to I said its my wife's he then said well then its none of your buisness. For what others have posted in here is vital for me. The BB says that if I cant be around it there is something wrong with my spiritual condition and that needs to be addressed. The one thing I like that is in the BB also is we dont argue over these things. It is up to each family to make that decision weather to have alcohol in the house or not. One of the warnings it gives in the BBif you are on shakey ground it is better to go find a alcoholic to work with in the steps than go to a place your not fit enough to be around. Good luck on your journey I hope this helps.

I dont have a prob with being around ppl drinking but when they are "knee dragging" drunk i dont stay around.

In recovery I have to almost "step up" and engage sometimes. I respect my wife, shes a normie, and we do go to functions where alcohol is served. I just have to bring it

I understand the desire to not even be there but sometimes there are comprimises that need to be made.

1is2many

Thank you so much for your replys. I asked because I'm scared for my husband- he's only going to meetings about once a month now and seems to be hanging with active alcoholics and goes to gatherings were everyone gets drunk. I also asked because he said the reason I can't go is because I don't have a strong enough program. I feel like he's on a slippery slope and trying to get me to come along. I have offered to do other things but lately it's been weekly because of football. For me- I never liked to hang around people that drink, even when I was drinking, it was always alone. And I wanted to know what other alcoholics did.

Hard to answer without the back story. Personally I can tell you what's working for me. My DH is a normie. He drinks socially and occasionally at dinner in our home. We have beer, wine and other booze in the cabinet and outside fridges at our home.
My best friend in the world who I adore, drinks *less* now that I'm sober, and has told me I help her to realize she can have fun sober. But she drinks. She's gotten drunk a few times in front of me at events. I'm OK with it. I don't judge her and I don't feel temptation. In fact, quite the opposite. While a *drink* might momentarily have appeal, seeing people *drunk* is a repellant.
Anyway, my sponsor says we can go anywhere so long as we have a reason to be there other than drinking. For me that's been outdoor concerts -- with open bars. I drink water and soda and listen to music. Parties, weddings, etc. I'm there to have a great time, see friends and I don't need to drink to do that.
However I always have an exit plan. My sobriety comes first and I've left a few social events v early as I felt uncomfortable.

Angie,

You are right to be scared for your husband. There is a saying in AA that goes: If you hang around the barbershop for long enough, you will get a haircut. Not going to many meetings and constantly hanging out with people who are drinking is not a good combination.

At the end of the day, the only person you can keep sober is you and dont let anyone or anything divert your mind from that. It looks like your husband does not fully accept that he cannot drink again and if that is the case he will probably drink sooner or later. Maybe Al-Anon meetings would help you as the people there would have dealt with similar situations.

My advice is don't do it.

I tried going to parties and drinking club soda at bars to socialize, but it didn't work for me. It wasn't just the booze, social venues like that also exposed me to pills, weed, and all the rest.

If you don't want your new shoes to get wet, don't walk along the edge of the beach where the waves might come catch you. Play the game of life to put the odds in your favor, not against you.