Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Gratitude + Grace = Peace
Posted on 07/26/12, 07:13 pm
When I've shared in my 12 step mtgs in the past 20 plus years, I've always wanted to wrap up recovery in a beautiful box, cover with fantastically sparkled wrapping paper and bows with ribbons covering and curling down around the package. It is a package for me with a present of the present. Meaning, this Power greater than myself has a gift for me. A gift of life in this moment, for this moment only. I don't get to live in the past nor the future, all I have is now. As soon as I have experienced this moment it is gone. I struggle with this concept everyday, & more often now than I have in previous years. I have a sponsor who told me once, " It is hard getting sane in an insane world." The longer I live sober in recovery, the more I understand the concept she offered me. We have no way of knowing what is coming in the future moment. We want to know what is coming because many of us have lived traumatic past experiences in our lives. Being alcoholic in itself is enough to keep any of us busy recovering for the rest of our days. However; when you add the experiences of mental illness, trauma, abuses of all kinds, and the fact that we attempt to hide from the effects of theses trauma, well, we end up with a lot more work to do than just a few steps and a few meetings, and a few realizations about ourselves. Many of us have new illness to deal with in our years of sobriety which add to the difficulty of staying sober. Remaining in recovery in a new way with a new conscious contact each day is enough to keep us busy, that's for sure. I have anxiety, P.T.S.D, with trauma issues from childhood and through my teens & early 20's which were hidden so deep it has taken me 20 years in recovery to become aware of them, aware of the seriousness of their effect upon me & my life. The effect the trauma has on me is as insane as the alcoholism, (which was only a symptom of much deeper issues.) I have spiritual, mental, emotional, & physical problems to deal with everyday because of the trauma. I cannot get all the help I need by just going to meetings & working at living the 12 steps. The program is a very good band-aid & good medicine to keep the wounds from becoming infected so badly that they take me back into the insanity of needing to drink, drug, or commit suicide to solve the issue of pain I cannot deal with. However; once again, the medicine & the band-aid are not going to kill the infection inside me causing the wounds.
If I read the literature handed down to me from the founders of the 12 step program I will find the written words suggesting I find & utilize all the help I can find from all the corners of the earth. We need to go to the hair stylist for a hair cut, but I would not go there for stomach surgery, or to repair a broken bone. I hope I am explaining my experience clear enough. I had 7 yrs of good recovery when my 2nd conscious experience with the effects of the trauma broke through my 12 step band-aid and sent me back out drinking with the suicide on my back everyday for 3 months. I do not know why I made it back alive. That is God's business. I just know that I was ready to step off the cliff in Pacifica, Calif everyday for 3 months. Some how I had a moment of clarity, woke up in San Jose, wondering how I had got there, and flew my kids & I back here and began over again. I saw a therapist trained in trauma back then ( 1997) and he helped me make it 13 more years with another band-aid he provided through hypnosis. It has come back again with a vengance, demanding that I deal with it and get well. My symptoms have been so extreme I have desired inpatient treatment, but it isn't an option at this moment. I have other heath issues which keep me from attending meetings away from home, & not many people come to visit. All well meaning people I have known intimately for over 20 years, but they all have lives to live. So the doctors, trauma therapist, literature, the internet, and a real conscious contact with a Power greater than myself has kept me alive, with even a few good days scattered throughout the hard ones. I believe we must allow more than one other person to know who we are on an intimate basis. My disease it out to kill me, but it is not out to kill you. Our best defense is to have close friends who will have our back in this war against a deadly disease of mind, body, & spirit. This means we have to tell them the truth, what ever truth we have the ability to know in this moment. More will always be revealed. I take medications that many people would disagree with and would decide in their minds that I am not sober. These people are not doctors, and they are not experiencing my reality, or they would not have an opinion on what medications I have HAD to take for my diseases. If prescribed medications are taken as they are prescribed, and are not being taken to "get high" then there is nothing wrong with it. There are many ways to self check whether we are taking meds with wrong intentions. It is called an inventory of intentions & motives. Did I take my pain medication today because I am in emotional pain & I don't want to deal with the real issue? Same with the anxiety medication. Inventory of intention & motive has saved my ass more times that I can count. I listen to what other members have to say, even the rude & crude ones. I take out all the personal opinions, and fears they have for themselves and look at what truth God may be attempting to hand to me through them. If they were to tell me to stop taking my psych meds I would not do so, especially without speaking to an experienced psych doctor first. I have watched people stop their meds thru the years and they have either killed themselves or killed or hurt someone else in their insanity induced from not taking the meds they needed.
Keep a few close people near you who you trust. Do not hold back any truths, fears, stupid thoughts, etc from them. They have had the same thoughts even if they haven't told you so yet. We must allow others to know our deepest fears, the things we've done we are ashamed of, the human parts of us that make us all the same in so many ways. If anyone ever says they are cured, well, and have no more struggles with this disease, they are not telling you or themselves the truth.
We have been blessed with a guide to a map of living life in a way we can be satisfied with on a day to day basis. It gives us hope for the future to have a continuously better life. No life will be roses all the time. But, we can become content and accepting of our being human, and enjoy what beauty comes our way.
I know that I get caught up in the isolation I experience being stuck at home with just a computer to connect with the rest of the world. Humans need other humans, to see, touch ,have eye to eye contact with, or we begin to feel lost in a void of nothingness. The most important statement in the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in my opinion is on page 164. It states that, 'you must remember your real reliance is always upon Him.'
When there is no one on the other end of the phone. No one on line to type to, no meetings to be gone to, no one but me, My disease, and the book, I have but one & only one saving grace..... a prayer of help, to a Power I do not understand, with the hope that His Grace will do for me what I cannot do for myself. This is no excuse, for He cannot do for me what I can do for myself. I must do the asking, the acceptance of being human, the realization that of myself I am nothing, but with this power, and my willingness, I can make it through the darkest of darkness, no matter what the cause of the darkness.
Gratitude for what I have, rather than pity for that which I don't have, is a powerful potion for success in any endeavor. I hope you come to realize you can trust yourself more than you know as long as you are relying upon that power greater than yourself, what ever your beliefs are about that power, whatever you name that power. That whatever you need will be provided. The biggest problem I have realized throughout all these years is that we as humans do not know when we are suppose to stop trying to fix the problem, when we have finished all the footwork we can do, when we are to let go absolutely and allow that power to finish the job, when we, the human part of this amazing equation have done all we can do & His Grace is the only thing left to allow to happen. We will never know when this point is reached until we reach it. It is the most difficult part of being the human part of this divine equation.
As humans we want to know when to let go and let the power do it's job because we want the security of knowing when we have finished our part. This is something we will never be allowed to know because we are the human part of the equation and not God. I suggest the meditation of a peaceful knowledge that this power will never allow anything to harm your spirit in such a way that you will be destroyed. We will be safe & secure in this power always as long as we allow it to it's job of saving us through It's Grace. Grace is a gift for free, just because you are here. It cannot be worked for, it cannot be gotten any other way than by being in need of it and asking spirit to spirit for it to be bestowed upon you.
All these words are great and they all sound so reassuring. The knowledge of all of what I've shared has never taken away the fear I have, the tribulation, the pain, the crawling in tears with pain which makes my heart feel as if it will explode, nor does this knowledge make my being human any easier than any others experience of being human.
I just know that 25 years ago I gave up in complete desperation to a power I didn't believe was there, yelling profanities and cussing like a sailor, if He wasn't there i was fucked. I had my first of many spiritual experiences in that moment. A clarity that my soul had been placed in a safe place where nothing could ever hurt it or threaten it again. I pray this gift of the present & His Grace be bestowed upon you now and when ever you may need it.
In Love Light Truth & Service,
Stubborn TerrieAnnWhen
Posted on 07/26/12, 07:13 pm
When I've shared in my 12 step mtgs in the past 20 plus years, I've always wanted to wrap up recovery in a beautiful box, cover with fantastically sparkled wrapping paper and bows with ribbons covering and curling down around the package. It is a package for me with a present of the present. Meaning, this Power greater than myself has a gift for me. A gift of life in this moment, for this moment only. I don't get to live in the past nor the future, all I have is now. As soon as I have experienced this moment it is gone. I struggle with this concept everyday, & more often now than I have in previous years. I have a sponsor who told me once, " It is hard getting sane in an insane world." The longer I live sober in recovery, the more I understand the concept she offered me. We have no way of knowing what is coming in the future moment. We want to know what is coming because many of us have lived traumatic past experiences in our lives. Being alcoholic in itself is enough to keep any of us busy recovering for the rest of our days. However; when you add the experiences of mental illness, trauma, abuses of all kinds, and the fact that we attempt to hide from the effects of theses trauma, well, we end up with a lot more work to do than just a few steps and a few meetings, and a few realizations about ourselves. Many of us have new illness to deal with in our years of sobriety which add to the difficulty of staying sober. Remaining in recovery in a new way with a new conscious contact each day is enough to keep us busy, that's for sure. I have anxiety, P.T.S.D, with trauma issues from childhood and through my teens & early 20's which were hidden so deep it has taken me 20 years in recovery to become aware of them, aware of the seriousness of their effect upon me & my life. The effect the trauma has on me is as insane as the alcoholism, (which was only a symptom of much deeper issues.) I have spiritual, mental, emotional, & physical problems to deal with everyday because of the trauma. I cannot get all the help I need by just going to meetings & working at living the 12 steps. The program is a very good band-aid & good medicine to keep the wounds from becoming infected so badly that they take me back into the insanity of needing to drink, drug, or commit suicide to solve the issue of pain I cannot deal with. However; once again, the medicine & the band-aid are not going to kill the infection inside me causing the wounds.
If I read the literature handed down to me from the founders of the 12 step program I will find the written words suggesting I find & utilize all the help I can find from all the corners of the earth. We need to go to the hair stylist for a hair cut, but I would not go there for stomach surgery, or to repair a broken bone. I hope I am explaining my experience clear enough. I had 7 yrs of good recovery when my 2nd conscious experience with the effects of the trauma broke through my 12 step band-aid and sent me back out drinking with the suicide on my back everyday for 3 months. I do not know why I made it back alive. That is God's business. I just know that I was ready to step off the cliff in Pacifica, Calif everyday for 3 months. Some how I had a moment of clarity, woke up in San Jose, wondering how I had got there, and flew my kids & I back here and began over again. I saw a therapist trained in trauma back then ( 1997) and he helped me make it 13 more years with another band-aid he provided through hypnosis. It has come back again with a vengance, demanding that I deal with it and get well. My symptoms have been so extreme I have desired inpatient treatment, but it isn't an option at this moment. I have other heath issues which keep me from attending meetings away from home, & not many people come to visit. All well meaning people I have known intimately for over 20 years, but they all have lives to live. So the doctors, trauma therapist, literature, the internet, and a real conscious contact with a Power greater than myself has kept me alive, with even a few good days scattered throughout the hard ones. I believe we must allow more than one other person to know who we are on an intimate basis. My disease it out to kill me, but it is not out to kill you. Our best defense is to have close friends who will have our back in this war against a deadly disease of mind, body, & spirit. This means we have to tell them the truth, what ever truth we have the ability to know in this moment. More will always be revealed. I take medications that many people would disagree with and would decide in their minds that I am not sober. These people are not doctors, and they are not experiencing my reality, or they would not have an opinion on what medications I have HAD to take for my diseases. If prescribed medications are taken as they are prescribed, and are not being taken to "get high" then there is nothing wrong with it. There are many ways to self check whether we are taking meds with wrong intentions. It is called an inventory of intentions & motives. Did I take my pain medication today because I am in emotional pain & I don't want to deal with the real issue? Same with the anxiety medication. Inventory of intention & motive has saved my ass more times that I can count. I listen to what other members have to say, even the rude & crude ones. I take out all the personal opinions, and fears they have for themselves and look at what truth God may be attempting to hand to me through them. If they were to tell me to stop taking my psych meds I would not do so, especially without speaking to an experienced psych doctor first. I have watched people stop their meds thru the years and they have either killed themselves or killed or hurt someone else in their insanity induced from not taking the meds they needed.
Keep a few close people near you who you trust. Do not hold back any truths, fears, stupid thoughts, etc from them. They have had the same thoughts even if they haven't told you so yet. We must allow others to know our deepest fears, the things we've done we are ashamed of, the human parts of us that make us all the same in so many ways. If anyone ever says they are cured, well, and have no more struggles with this disease, they are not telling you or themselves the truth.
We have been blessed with a guide to a map of living life in a way we can be satisfied with on a day to day basis. It gives us hope for the future to have a continuously better life. No life will be roses all the time. But, we can become content and accepting of our being human, and enjoy what beauty comes our way.
I know that I get caught up in the isolation I experience being stuck at home with just a computer to connect with the rest of the world. Humans need other humans, to see, touch ,have eye to eye contact with, or we begin to feel lost in a void of nothingness. The most important statement in the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous in my opinion is on page 164. It states that, 'you must remember your real reliance is always upon Him.'
When there is no one on the other end of the phone. No one on line to type to, no meetings to be gone to, no one but me, My disease, and the book, I have but one & only one saving grace..... a prayer of help, to a Power I do not understand, with the hope that His Grace will do for me what I cannot do for myself. This is no excuse, for He cannot do for me what I can do for myself. I must do the asking, the acceptance of being human, the realization that of myself I am nothing, but with this power, and my willingness, I can make it through the darkest of darkness, no matter what the cause of the darkness.
Gratitude for what I have, rather than pity for that which I don't have, is a powerful potion for success in any endeavor. I hope you come to realize you can trust yourself more than you know as long as you are relying upon that power greater than yourself, what ever your beliefs are about that power, whatever you name that power. That whatever you need will be provided. The biggest problem I have realized throughout all these years is that we as humans do not know when we are suppose to stop trying to fix the problem, when we have finished all the footwork we can do, when we are to let go absolutely and allow that power to finish the job, when we, the human part of this amazing equation have done all we can do & His Grace is the only thing left to allow to happen. We will never know when this point is reached until we reach it. It is the most difficult part of being the human part of this divine equation.
As humans we want to know when to let go and let the power do it's job because we want the security of knowing when we have finished our part. This is something we will never be allowed to know because we are the human part of the equation and not God. I suggest the meditation of a peaceful knowledge that this power will never allow anything to harm your spirit in such a way that you will be destroyed. We will be safe & secure in this power always as long as we allow it to it's job of saving us through It's Grace. Grace is a gift for free, just because you are here. It cannot be worked for, it cannot be gotten any other way than by being in need of it and asking spirit to spirit for it to be bestowed upon you.
All these words are great and they all sound so reassuring. The knowledge of all of what I've shared has never taken away the fear I have, the tribulation, the pain, the crawling in tears with pain which makes my heart feel as if it will explode, nor does this knowledge make my being human any easier than any others experience of being human.
I just know that 25 years ago I gave up in complete desperation to a power I didn't believe was there, yelling profanities and cussing like a sailor, if He wasn't there i was fucked. I had my first of many spiritual experiences in that moment. A clarity that my soul had been placed in a safe place where nothing could ever hurt it or threaten it again. I pray this gift of the present & His Grace be bestowed upon you now and when ever you may need it.
In Love Light Truth & Service,
Stubborn TerrieAnnWhen
CoogeeMum
I could relate ralop. Trauma returned years into my sobriety and I needed to work through that outside of meetings. I love how you wrap this fantastic gift with sparkly wrapping paper. People helping people.
citychick2011
wtf yes. or no.
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