Its rough in early sobriety to not cave in situations like this.
You can do it again....just remember your friend and your husband want what is best for YOU.

For her...life got to hard....don't give up on yourself.

That is terrible!!!! I lost a brother figure to suicide years back!!! It was awful!!! I'm so sorry for your loss!!! It's OK to feel hurt, I still do!!! You're disappointed in yourself in how you coped... Well you are still gaining strength.. Don't beat yourself up, its OK!!! Be kind to yourself no you are not doomed you will be OK...

That's terrible. I am so sorry for your loss. I don't blame you for wanting to run from those feelings and I also understand your fear that if you drink because of it, you anticipate you will never be able to healthfully cope with life's downs. I empathise.
My sincere condolences.

I did that, when my son died. Now I know that I had to go through the grieving process and go back to drinking prevented me from doing that.

Sosa86 post explains "Don't escape the pain be with it" You must go through the grieving sober.

i'm sorry for your loss. It is a tough way to lose someone.

Now you need to face it sober and deal with the pain and the loss. Your grief will be more real and a truer way to honor and mourn your friend than if you try to drink your way through it.

Am so sorry for your loss. The shock is terrible. Hope you have someone close to support you for a bit during the initial grieving period.

Please take good care of yourself - sleep is very important.

I am sure that loss hurts...I have lost a brother in law, uncle and cousin to suicides...plus many people I knew thru the years...I am 57now and I too have tried to kill myself...so I know what it takes and it is not a good place...your friend is at peace now and she would want you sober....hugs

Thank you all for your replies. It's nice knowing I'm not alone.

I lost someone very close to me (not in the same way, but it was still and is still very difficult) and I have had the hardest time dealing with it. It has been almost 7 years and it still hurts. Now, I am trying to get out of this rut into which I have fallen where alcohol is the only coping mechanism. I do not want that kind of life.

I understand where you are. If you ever need anyone to talk to, do not hesitate to e-mail me. I will get back to you as quickly as I can.

Best wishes, my friend.

Hello anchorbird,

I am very sorry for your loss. Sadly I have experienced something similar several times over the last few years. Although the people involved were not what you would call close friends they were still people I had got to know quite well and it was painful.

There are always unanswered questions when a tragedy like that happens and words alone bring little comfort. The truth however is that there is usually nothing that you could have done or said that would have made a difference. What you can do is accept it as Gods will even though it is difficult to understand.

You can pray that your friend is at peace and honour her memory by making the best use of your own life. The pain will ease but it will take time and in the meantime it is natural to feel sad or hurt.

I lost my first love suddenly to a motorcycle accident. I spent years trying to "cope" by drinking only to find the grief was still there when sober and it was like starting from day one grieving. In my opinion you never truly grieve until you are sober and allow yourself to feel all the emotions one should. Drinking just prolongs the process. You will never forget and you will always remember but if you don't truly grieve and just numb it will be like day one in the process each time you come to from a binge and realize they are really gone and you have two choices to feel your pain because it's real and sort through your emotions or repress them, drown them only to start the whole thing over again in a few days....

Also I am truly sorry for your loss. Prayers and hugs.

Condolences on your loss. The death of my brother started a 16 year run. I wish I'd gotten help back then but am happy that I'm sober now. You can do it. There is no one more important than you.

A few years ago, my brother in law committed suicide. I was devastated. He was someone who seeminly had it all....a beautiful wife and daughter, a nice home and a well paying job.

We were good friends and we did things together. He was a funny guy with a big heart..

I spoke about it to my AA sponser and he told me, "No matter how well you think you know someone, you never know what's inside his head!"

So I can identify and you have my deepest sympathy on your loss.

Sometimes things happen that we can't explain but it's a sad part of life that we have to deal with at times. Sometimes I think my brother in law is pulling some strings from me while in Heaven. I have see some positive things happen in my life which I have no explanation for, and these have occured since he past away. I have a pretty good idea that he is behind it all.

Like my BIL, I really believe that your friend is in a better place.

I will keep you both in my thoughts and prayers!

God Bless!