I don't see you as a flunkie or a loser. i see you as a human being. They say relapse is part of recovery. That's not permission for u to use. It's permission to accept that we are not perfect. I am a newbie to the program so maybe what I say holds less weight. But it sounds like as you review how your relapse happened, you can shore up your program so that it doesn't happen again. To me it's more like learning how to stay on the wagon and not slip off.

Oh I wouldn't call it stupidity. From my experience of relapse there were always two things at play from the way my mind worked - or didn't. One was seeing alcohol as some kind of answer and not being able think it through before it was too late.

I just couldn't trust my thinking with alcohol at all really. Even the periods of dry time counted for nothing because I still saw alcohol in the same light at the next relapse. Huge changes were necessary for me, not least understanding why I took leave of my senses where alcohol was involved.

Please don't feel like a loser, it might be that you have not found the right answer yet.

Don't think it as starting all over. That is like saying you lost all the time you were sober. You never lost them. You had all those days. All those day then a bump in the road and now you will continue on.

Sounds like you are still on the wagon. :)

Best thing I read in your post was that there were no excuses. We all have cravings and are always subjected to enabling behavior in people still in denial.

Mr. E.

While relapse may be a part of one's journey to permanent sobriety, it is NOT a part of recovery. It is actually the opposite of recovery.

After a relapse, it is important to get your baring and begin again. It just takes what it takes. Don't waste time on regret. It will only lead right back to the bottle. And you never have to be ashamed to post here.

Hugs,

Dianna

It's tough, but it can be done. I was sober for 24 years. After I had that first drink, I was on and off for the next 7 years. I fell often after a few months. I made a year once and 1.5 years again.
I had this idea in back of my head that there are times, when drinking will be better than dealing with life. Now I have 4 years. I finally said to myself that I will not drink no matter what happens in life. That and my dharma classes is what brought me back to long term sobriety.

Keep trying. It is difficult but you can do it.

I guess i am not the only 1 here who had a good amount of sober time under there belt and then chose/choose to have a drink.
You recognize you need to get back on track, that's why your here. It's better than saying 'well f it all' and start to hit the bottle.
It is easier to hit the bottle and to stay sober. Staying sober takes work, opening a bottle and getting f'd up is way easier. THIS I KNOW!!!

Typo mistake...
It is easier to hit the bottle "than" to stay sober.

There's no failure when you pick yourself up, learn and make changes. Some relapses don't get that next chance. You had 8 years which isn't lost at all. Onwards.

You are alive, you are aware, you are worth sobriety.
If you are alcoholic you did what we do. The only way I know to stay sober is a day at a time.
So you have today. Me too. It's a gift.
Did you go to aa? Other support? Reach out it's there.

What are you doing to get sober? AA? Counseling? That wagon can be slowed down with some help

Hello alitmorsly,

It is good to see you back and I wish you success for the future.

My experience has been that I came to a point where I knew I had to stop drinking. I made a decision to quit and applied my willpower to it as I had done successfully before. However, alcoholism had progressed to a stage where the obsession that I had for alcohol had become so strong that it overcame my willpower and I drank again. I knew at that time that I was beaten and that was when I lost all hope for the future.

I became willing to do whatever it took in order to get sober. Other people who had recovered from the same problem suggested that I would have to do something to change my way of thinking so that the obsession for alcohol would be removed. Today I do not have to use my willpower to fight against alcoholism and stay sober, simply because the problem no longer exists the obsession is gone. Providing that I continue to live my life in the way that was suggested I will not drink again.

Therefore, do not beat yourself up about what happened but try to learn from it. What will you do differently this time so that the results will be different.

Hi alitlmorsly,

Welcome to the club . . . literally. I have stopped drinking several times in my life, only to return again, and again, and . . . . well, you get it. If I could only moderate my drinking, I think I would be fine (e.g., a drink with dinner and no more). But one drink always eventually turns to two, which turns to vodka shots before dinner, and so on.

I agree with the others. You are not a loser or flunkie if you are here - and are willing to get "back on the wagon." There are no failures - only feedback.

So . . . what did you learn? And will it help you with your forward journey?

All the best. And by the way, several of us have caught up to the wagon, and are holding the horses for you. Climb on!

Good luck with your pursuit of the wagon. I myself am trying to get sober. This is the fourth or fifth time I've told my wife (and myself) that I would stop drinking but the longest I've gone was 11 days. Being able to stop for 7 months is great and it should prove to yourself that you can do it and you will do it again.

Don't go that route; you are not a flunkie. A flunkie is someone who has thrown in the towel and let alcohol win.
You are getting back up, dusting yourself off and staying in the fight. No flunkie here. But what can you learn from this? Some pro-activity and maybe it's time to alter your approach, add something else in the mix to keep you on the good path?
God bless