I don't fit in as a traditional alcoholic because I don't drink every day or even large amounts anymore. However, in my relationship there are a lot of repressed feelings on my part, so when I drink if a fight starts it can trigger my ptsd? or something and I freak out and release all those repressed feelings about my relationship. I frankly, get hysterical. It's rare and doesn't happen every time I drink, but I've come to the point where it is not worth it to drink with my husband because despite our obvious communication problems, it's not his fault something gets triggered easily. I'm the more submissive partner and I think this setup contributes to the trigger. On sunday I only had a glass of wine, granted on an empty stomach, and we were texting in separate rooms and things got bad quickly to where we were calling each others family and that's just embarrassing and taking things way too far. The only good that came out of it is that we talked about these repressed feelings and we are both finally awake about these problems. Part of the issue was I can't try to communicate by myself, one-sided conversations only lead to these dangerous repressed feelings. Hoping things get better at home, but not willing to drink with him anymore since it eventually leads to hurting him. I said some terrible things, but really didn't recall them until reminded and even then it was detachedly, like watching yourself but being unable to stop yourself. This is how I used to freak out occasionally on my stepdad as a child/teen well before ever drinking. All the abuse and cruelty would build up inside so painful and id just explode verbally and emotionally when he'd yell or threaten me.