Thanks for your post. I'm glad that you didn't pay the price and relapse. Now it sounds like you might be back on track, which is really cool.

The most important thing in an alcoholic's life is their relationship with their HP or God because that is where sobriety is found and maintained.

I also liked that you mentioned honesty - it's sometimes really hard to get honest with ourselves and about ourselves on an ongoing basis. I had to work really hard on that until honesty rather than dishonesty became my default setting. it doesn't mean that I am always honest because I screw up sometimes but mostly I am and that is an amazing blessing.

Welcome back - keep on trucking!

Good post and I am also glad you did not relapse.

I remember a time when I had been doing meetings every day, a couple of attempts at starting the Steps and going steadily crazy when I met a lovely man (a non alcoholic) and within six weeks we had bought a house where I wanted to live and AA was as far away for me as the moon!

I relapsed. The poor guy had not really believed me when I said I was alcoholic but suddenly it was all very clear. That drunk was nearly the end (literally) for me. I went back to AA - or rather AA came to me in the form of a new sponsor who was reputed to "get results" and I flew through that 12 Step programme as if there were no tomorrow.

That was my last drink and ever since, over this past four years, I have stayed firmly in God's hands, in the middle of the lifeboat of AA .

I average about 1 or 2 meetings a week at the moment but do a lot of service at intergroup level. I go to meetings to carry the message and help newcomers if they ask me. 10, 11 and 12 is like water and air to me, essential to my survival.

Life has improved dramatically as a result, the man stood by me through it all and we are still together so I am very fortunate in every way.

I screwed up big style and that has been my experience but I have learned so much as a result.

Today God comes first in every way and all other things fall into place when I use the spiritual tools I was given in my journey through the Steps.

I cherish my Big Book, its promises come true and, when I take others through the programme, we do it by the book.

I totally agree with you about the honesty with self Christopher, I think that is often a path to save you from relapse. It worked for you!

Nice post. Sometimes we have to do the "wrong" thing in order to find out what the "right" thing is.

Good that you found a change in direction before you took a drink. You might be grateful for what is happpening when you look back as hopefully this is the start of a whole new chapter of your recovery.

The big book and the path it shows to a spiritual awakening is an essential possession for me. I know I cant stay sober if I dont stay spiritual. Recovery (the 12 step program), unity (the fellowship) and service (carrying the message) all vital to my recovery. And as lyn says all amounts to nothing unless it iis underpinned by an active connection to a power greater than myself.

Enjoy the new phase of your journey!!

Welcome to D/S Chris. You may have learened a lesson the easy way instead of the hard way. We must maintain not only our physical sobriety as well as our spiritual and emotional sobriety. There is so much more to living a sober life than just not drinking. You're doing what needs to be done starting over with your steps and getting a sponsor. All that is left is squashing your ego and learning how to stay humble one more time. We will be here for you to support you on line and we hope you'll keep coming back but nothing beats your participation in your own sobriety. I think you know that.. Greg

Glad you went to a meeting. I go daily. I can't imagine not going to meetings. Its a big part of my program. Meetings, working the steps, working with my sponsor, prayer, meditation, reflection, and talking to other alcoholics in and outside AA.
I couldnt feel comfortable now without any of these and don't want to guess which one helps the most in my sobriety:)
Do you have a sponsor??

Hmmmmmn..I haven't seen that Avatar in a very long time and it is not one that I would ever forget.

Sounds to me from your share that the step that you have always had 100% was the 'first step'. You didn't pick up and that is smiley :)

Also seems to me that you were spiritually aware enough to realise that you were having a 'dry drunk' syndrome. I posted a similar thing here a few months back and one of the lovely members that have replied to you spoke about a spiritual plateau and I so idenified with that. I don't think, looking back, I was a dry drunk at all. I just wasn't putting any work into my sobriety.

Funny how I too am now going back through the Big Book.

So......maybe not so far away as you thought. Lots seem to have sunk in and still be there.

Oh and lastly......I like this line from the Big Book, page 85, Into Action:

'What we really have is a daily reprieve contingent on the maintenance of our spiritual condition'.

Happy maintainingR :)

WTG Chris, making it back to meetings. I read all the posts and don't really have anything to add except that I used to have pockets full of phone numbers people had given me. You also described them as "ppl who are willing to talk to me if that time comes". Here's my little story about that...

I had a woman ask me once: "are you getting phone numbers?"

Me: yes.

Her: well, are you calling them?

Me: well, no.

Her: Why not?

Me: I always feel like I have to have a question, or a problem or something...and what if they're doing something or in the middle of something? What do I say when they answer? (blah blah blah)

SHE INTERRUPTED ME AND ASKED: Verna. Did it ever occur to you to ask how THEY're doing?
-----
Well, no. I laugh about it now. But that became my ace in the hole for those phone calls. I needed to make the connections with others ahead of time so that when the time came that I was upset or angry or confused or thinking of drinking, I had someone I WOULD call.

I also know how great it feels to be on the receiving end of someone's call. It feels great. I heard one speaker say she was grateful for the call by describing it as, "I had to take the gun out of my mouth to answer the phone.". Sometimes it feels like that.

Anyway, again, glad you made it back. Glad you had a good experience when you did.

V.

That's an amazing message V. - thank you!

love the avatar!

Great post Chris, sounds like you are in a better place. I was in a dry drunk for 18 months, then I relapsed for 2 years. But this time, I am doing all the right things. Just keep coming back and work hard with your sponsor. I can't say anything else that has already been said, The steps mean freedom!

Welcome back, Chris. My story is the same as yours, except I did pick up a drink after several years of no AA.

As Nicky said, sometimes the wrong thing needs to be done to find the right thing. Like Gailly, I went full force into the steps with a sponsor and living a life that I never dreamed possible.

Glad you are back. :-)