Hello Yasabella,

First of all, welcome to the forum and well done on three days sober I remember when I had three days and the feeling of hope that came from realizing that I could do this after all.

Sometimes we tend to gather up a lot of problems that on their own could be tackled and mesh them into a big unmanageable web. The bigger the mess gets the more we lose hope and the whole thing looks impossible. What I have found is that I dont have to tackle every issue at the same time but instead to start with one thing and work from there. Therefore, maybe you could separate the different issues that are bothering you and look at each one on its own, using help from other people where that is needed.

Start with the fact that you are three days sober and still probably suffering from alcohol withdrawal. This will pass with time and in a few more days your body will start to adjust to life without alcohol. It is always a good idea to have an honest talk with the doctor about these things too as there may be medication that could help.

Drinking too much is often just a symptom of other things that are troubling the mind and not being dealt with. Maybe the second thing you could consider is to get help so that you can deal with those underlying issues. You can do that through counselling, through AA or by a combination of both. You are putting yourself down in many ways and not looking at your good points. Your thinking is wrong and so you have a wrong opinion about yourself. When you say not healthy enough or pretty enough or normal enough to have a boyfriend, much less have a child that is just a wrong opinion, based on how you see yourself right now but what you are seeing is not the real you. With the right help you can discover the real you and will see that you are just as good as the next person. When you come to feel good about yourself you will gain the confidence to do a lot of things you thought you could never do.

It may be that you are meant to have a child or it may be that you are not. If it is meant to be then it starts with solving one thing at a time. Start with sobriety and become willing to do whatever it takes in order to stay sober. The second step up the ladder is to feel good about yourself and you may need help with that. The third step is to look at what you need to do in order to have a chance of becoming a mother and although I am not by any means an expert on the subject I believe that there is a lot that can be done to help people these days compared to years ago.

Therefore, your life is not a mess and there are things that you can do. A good starting point would be to try and take me out of the centre and put something else in there. Your friend and her baby give you a chance to look outwards at what you can do for other people. In my experience, when we try to take happiness from this world it doesnt happen but when you try to give happiness by doing something for other people you suddenly realize that what you have given away has come back to you tenfold.

PJ said it all. I agree that we tend to mount one problem on top of the next and before we know it we feel overwhelmed. Also, I agree that you should get into some counseling and go to some meetings, especially today so that you can develop your plan for tomorrow, your pay day. And yes, helping someone else is a wonderful respite to thinking about our own problems, but I think right now you should focus on getting some additional support.

First off Yas, there are people that can't put 24 hours of not drinking together so 3 days is great.

Just one other idea. I never had a problem that taking a drink didn't make worse. Please hang on. The rewards are incredible.

Hey Yasabella. With 3 days under your belt you are off to a better start than I am. It is an accomplishment that you can and should be proud of!!

I think that, similarly to what PJ said, when you have so many problems that your life seems hopeless, the only real thing to do is to make sure that you try to improve each day so that each is better than the last. Big changes we make to ourselves work best when we take our time, making sure that we go about things a logical way. You can't expect yourself to be perfect today, but how about to just try to be better than yesterday. Try to take one step toward fixing just one of your problems instead of trying to fix all of them to perfection at the same time.

And don't be so hard on yourself for realizing you really want a child when it's too late. We all have our regrets and things we should have done better in life. I know it's hard to always put a positive spin on things, and no one is perfect at doing that, but try to focus on a solution to the motherhood issue....would you consider adoption?

I hope you find some happiness in your day today and that you realize you aren't giving yourself the credit and appreciation you deserve.

Hello and welcome! Be proud of yourself for making it through the first three days. It really DOES get better.

There are other support groups such as Smart Recovery and Women for Sobriety that you might also consider looking into,

Good luck to you!

First, congrats on 3 days. Not as easy as it sounds. Hang in there and make it to day 4. That's all.....nothing else. Day 4. I was in your exact spot a while ago. I was drinking so much that the thought of ever having a family seemed completely unattainable. Now, I'm finally marrying the woman I've loved for years and we're having a baby. I'm 40 and I feel like a normal person for the first time in my life. Rest assured, God has amazing things planned for you...He's just waiting until you are ready to take care of his gifts. In other words, whether it's a baby, or some other awesome thing, He just needs to make you sober first. It will happen. Do whatever it takes. AA, detox, therapy.........to day 4. Stay clean and have hope.

PJ did a great job with advice. I can only offer a couple additional tidbits from a woman's perspective. I did not have children - by choice. My husband came from a massively dysfunctional family (alcoholic mother, drug addict brother, rage-issues father), and he did not want to continue the legacy. I would have had a child, had I married someone else, but it was not to be.

Then - at age 49 - my husband died of a massive heart attack. He was just - gone.

I spent a lot of time drinking, to numb myself to the fact that I was "alone" now - with not even any children to keep me company.

Then I met a wonderful man, who had a son. We were married, and now I have a husband and a son. So, you see, life is NEVER hopeless. Just keep breathing, and keep trying, and turn your face to the light - and the shadows will fall behind you. God will find a way to help you be happy. You just need to meet Him half way.

That's my two cents. Hopefully you will find it useful.

thank you for sharing this and oh my GOD I love the responses. I particularly loved reading wecanbhappy's. I was thinking along those lines this morning.
I've been sober coming up on 4 years. 4 years ago 4 days seemed unattainable. So focus on today. Be sober today. Focus on the next right thing. Sometimes that's as simple as doing the dishes. Sometimes its going to a meeting, going for a walk, calling a friend. Just do the next right thing today. the rest really really does take care of itself and miracles unfold. they did for me and they did for the other posters here.

Really thoughtful replies here, I would just add that with a few more days off the booze the anxiety and depressant effect of the alcohol leaving your system should have you feeling less vulnerable and overwhelmed by your current circumstances. A great reason to take action on the positive task of finding lasting sobriety, day by day.

Everything can change for the better when you become at peace within.

You need alot of support right now. AA is a great place to find that suport. I, for one, owe my life to the 12 steps of AA.

You need to focus on just staying sober. That's all you are required to do. If you can stay sober, then the rest will take care of themselves.
It sounds like your addicted brain is setting you up to fail by fillling your mind with all kinds of negative emotions.

You know, good things happen to those who stay sober! I hear success stories at every AA meeting I attend!

You remind me of what it was like with 3 days of sobriety....not that I want to get pregnant or anthing....but the struggle to stay sober seemed insurmountable and I realized I couldn't do it alone I needed help.

So I went through a safe medical detox at the hospital followed by a 3 week iop and then 3 months of group counseling. It took all of this to put me on the road to sobriety. That was 7 years ago and I have never looked back.

I live my life by the 12 steps! I seem to get what I need, when I need it and I have never been happier!

Good luck and God Bless!

You are important. You can get better. C'mon! Take action!
1-2

Go for it ! Alcohol is poison ! That is why you were so sick...I can tell you of a book that may be something you would like.
It is called " The Easyway to quit drinking " by Allen Carr