Some people can exercise choice with drinking, some can't. Some people can always bring to mind what happens when they drink and prevent a relapse by logical thinking, some can't at times. In my experience every time I swore off and tried to stop it just got harder and the dry periods got shorter.

Looking honestly at the situation I was in I realised I did not have the resources nor the knowledge of what I was trying to deal with so I sought help through a programme of recovery. This might be necessary for you too.

Hi Jayus,

Please don't beat yourself up; I am sure that the hangover is already beating you up. We alcoholics face a disease that we alone can not cure. Our thinking becomes distorted, our bodies become sick, our actions are insane, but we are not weak, or crazy. We are ill.

As our disease progresses, we trade in everything, careers, friends, loved ones, and life itself, for just a moment of "feeling good". And even when the first drink no longer makes us feel good, we continue to drink. It is confusing, and it is frustrating.

By reaching out you are showing the willingness to get help. For me, willingness to admit that I am powerless over alcohol and that my life is unmanageable and reaching out to a Power Greater than myself is helping.

Have you thought about attending AA, or trying a treatment center to help you get sober? Please know you are not alone. Getting sober is a challenge, but the peace it will bring you is so much better than how alcohol makes us feel.

It's a frustrating and seemingly never ending cycle. But you can do this, it just will take some time and hard work. You came to the right place.

How can I do 10 months without a drink and then give in? How can I do 4 months with a drink and then have a glass of champane?
It's because we CHOOSE TOO... No one put a gun to our head, no one forced us, it's because we gave in to alcohol. You are not alone. Sooner or later, we are going to get tired of torturing ourselfs...

You are in the right place. I think everyone here can relate to what you are saying.

You have actually made progress. You are now AWARE of what's going on in your life. Take heart that you were able to manage 1 sober day. Which means that there can be two. And more . . .

Beating yourself up and calling yourself crazy will not help you.

Hang in there. See if you can make TODAY a dry day.

I didn't feel good I just didn't feel. Drinking was an escape My body craves and obsesses over booze. The only way I could kick it was to stumble in a room.

Thanks everyone. Yesterday I managed to not drink and am very happy with the way I feel today. I will try to not drink again today as well. I just need to keep it in my head how much of a waste of time it is, how unhealthy it is, how it negatively affects my relationships and how I feel every day.

I am afraid of the meetings. I saw someone posted a site that has meetings online which might be a good alternative. I don't want someone I know to see me going to the meetings because people can be very judgmental. I don't mind so much if friends or family would see, but coworkers and acquaintances seeing me go would really bother me.

Thank you all for your responses and words of encouragement. It means a lot.

Jayus I was more afraid of drinking again than who saw me going to meetings. Fear can distort reason and there is no shame at all in finding help for something that is problematic. The people at the meetings are there for the same reason. There are millions who attend AA in person every day all over the world from various walks of life.

People who know I am a recovered alcoholic see I have no shame about what I am. It was different while I was still drinking and had only myself to try and puzzle it out. Here are two links for you to try
aa.org for information on where to find meetings and e-aa.org for online meetings. Personally the face to face meetings were the best for me.