My experience has included a good amount of fear recently.  The Alcoholics Anonymous literature tells me frankly that fear is evil and corrosive.  It also tells me somehow fear touches EVERY aspect of our lives.  It says like residue of a burnt substance, it sticks and is everywhere inside of my character while I am recovering.  It says fear makes motions that create circumstances that bring misfortune, unjustified misfortune.  Fear is like a retained lawyer arguing inside a Judge's chambers without his or her client, that his or her client deserves the jail time, after they have been paid the fee of retainment and have gained the trust of that same client whom they are now secretly pleading to the judge outside of court to be given a lack of freedom.  Fear is that much fuckery. 

Then the book asks me to ask myself if I set the ball of fear rolling?  This is an incrediblely hard question to answer properly and takes lots of courage to look at honestly.  If I am walking through tall grass, and fearing snakes may be resting there, did I set the ball rolling that snakes in tall grass are a reality?  I did not, but what ball I am rolling is not asking myself, "why the hell am I walking in tall grass when right around the way there is cut grass or a dirt road to be walked on too?"  Do I need to walk in the tall grass in the first place or do I just crave danger?  Would it be my fault if I stepped on a sleeping snake, when there was a definite other choice to walk down a different path?  It would absolutely be my fault. 

Me not being willing to walk another way, take another route, choose another style of life, in this case one that requires or doesn't include alcohol or drugs, is the problem, and fear is a way to get my attention that I haven't gone far enough yet in knowing I do have a choice in whether or not it is going to become an evil or corrosive influence in my life. 

The literature in the fear section on page 68 asks me to review my fears thoroughly.  Thorough means actually picking up a pen and writing them down or pulling up to a keyboard and typing them out.  If I just think about them, they are still mixed up with the fear, but if I get them out and see them seperated by my mind visually, I can attack them or accept them easier. 

It is interesting that this type of fear, is a fear that includes no resentment.  I have a number of bosses, none of which I resent because they all are good at giving me opportunities to make more money than I probably deserve.  I make sure to either offer them some of the money they through their good intentions have helped me earn, or I spend that money on the less fortunate typically to counter my ego when it tells me I don't deserve good things from good people.  Getting back on track of the subject of my bosses, for the reasons just mentioned, I do not have negative feelings towards them.  However, I do have a fear that is constant that they are all going to fire me, even though they have shown repeatedly not only do they depend on and appreciate my quality efforts and good decision making, they like me and like that I am a part of their businesses.  They trust me because it is clear when challenged I have good intentions for their businesses, and therefore them.  With all the being said, and I never tell them this, and it is the exact reason why at work people sometimes sense there is something wrong with me when everything is flowing and normal, I ALWAYS believe I am going to be fired.  I've never been fired before in my life is what makes it even more abnormal.  I have been layed off, and I have quit, but I've never had one single boss tell me I did such a poor job he or she is firing me.  LOL. 

But I've got fear, that I am not powerful enough to remove, telling me my whole life, "they are going to fire you."  Is that not some evil bullshit that would be the characteristic of a hater?  Telling you something constantly that for one has no factual backing to support the claim, and secondly it knows you're opened mind is open to influence, and it is exploiting and taking advantage of that.  To me, that is why the fear is evil, intrusive, and corroding.  Only if I believe it though.  It's the same reason why when senior members "warn" me about this or that, and their tone and information is flowered by seeds of fear, that I have to tune it out, and just considerately act like I am listening. 

This abnormal fear drives people to do all sorts of things that they either become more confused by or left less knowledgeable over.  The Authors of this book called Alcoholics Anonymous ask us to ask ourselves if self-reliance failed us?  At this point we have determined self to be an ego driven mind that functions defectively through selfishness, self-seeking, dishonesty, and being afraid.  If I am relying on being selfish, seeking that selfishness's will, not being honest, and not being concerned enough with not being afraid, can my God given spirit honestly be relaying a message to my brain that I will not be a failure, therefore have nothing to fear?  What it is saying is my spirit, not my mind or ego, is subconsciously (ironic since I did just take it out of the mind context), knows a life that is selfish, self-seeking, dishonest, and afraid, is grounds for failure and grounds to believe I am going to enter into some evil shit that will corrode and ruin my right to peace, love, happiness, and joy. 

Self reliance might get a trade deal done, or bring home the bacon for a nagging wife, but it will not solve the problem of being completely powerless over people, places, and things you do not want to be around, visit, or do.  If we take a step back, we told another or told God we were committing to God-reliance, so if we are still relying on ourselves, we need to have a heart to heart with Step Three again. 

The Great news that comes after this bleak information that I am screwed if I keep relying on my defective self to get jobs done and makes others feel secure, is it is a very easy solution that takes little to no effort, and that is instead of trusting myself, I can trust God.  That suggestion is supported by a plausibility that we are in this world to play the role he assigns, and if we choose not to, that is our self doing so, not his assigning.  His assiging didn't have me drunk, driving, and his assigning didn't have me experiencing fear from not getting what my ignorant ego tells me I want.  His assigning has me being his responsibility, his creation, and his vessel to show the world how great he is, can be, and will be for those who trust that he is.  The even greater news is he does it all for those who do not know yet, who he cares about more than me who does, which is exactly the way it should be.  God wants the lost to be found not the found to be bragging to the lost that they haven't been found like they have. 

I have such a hard time answering the question of "what do you want to be?" or "what do you want to do?" from others because the honest answer is I will be what God asks me to be, and that might be a janitor, or a car salesman, or a burger flipper, but a fear driven world wants to hear a response of movie star, or motivational speaker, or world leader.  The real answer when asked is I want to be God-reliant and vocal about his laws and ways.  Most people are taught they need to be self-reliant, but the fact is self-reliance is a want, after a solid building of comprehension has been established, and if you are self-reliant on shaking ground, fuckery for yourself and others is the only production you will be able to produce. 

The literature suggests that humility and lack of fear go hand in hand, and this reliance on God, that helps so much so it is something even the greatest men feel compelled to speak freely of when given the podium, probably fares best with humility.  The literature suggest that calamity from an insecure and fear driven world, can be countered with serenity through humility. 

Depending on God is no reason to apologize, the literature goes on to say.  Jesus on the cross apologizing to the Jews for inconveniencing their binding to old laws they knew not why they had or had to obey, would have been grounds for a comedy sketch.  I never have to apologize for doing the right thing, saying the right things, or being on a right path that has no room for fear.  If you do this correctly you will laugh at those haters who haven't a clue how fear driven their intimidations upon you are saturated in.  They will be doing what they do, and you will burst out laughing as a response, fearlessly, and they will think you insane, not knowing they are so non-sane they can't even comprise of theory that would suggest others could laugh at their own insufficiencies.

Furthermore as they drift off in confusion as to how you could have burst into laughter when their aim was to constrict you with hot anger and strife, the strength constructed by that display of God-reliance will not decay, it will adhere itself forever to your character and you will have experienced victory. 

All men who display courage have faith, and men who travel the road less traveled do it courageously and faithfully.  Twice the literature says "we never apologize for God" indicating no all-knowing, all-loving, and all-powerful source needs an apology for it's perfect and rightful action that is considerate of everybody and not just itself.  You will be apologizing a lot however if you commit to a fear based style of living equating in tons of little bitch moves and inexcusable motions that make no sense to anyone but that pathetic and powerless entity inside your underdeveloped mind called fear.  This is exactly why spiritual developement over material and emotional development will lead an alcoholic and a drug addict furthest away from the bottle or the pipe, each and every time.  You cannot help but go in the direction of God when you make spiritual development a priority in your life, and that goes for both the over-achiever and the under-achiever. 

The literature says this removal of fear, in the process explained by this way of life, will a lot for a demonstration of God through you, the once useless and unimpressive drunk, or drug addict.  It is not for the drunk or the drug addict, even though it helps him or her still greatly, but it is a gift for the world to see there is a God, and it is always here for the world, its world.

In conclussion the literature asks the person to ask God to remove the fear, and then direct their attetion to what he would have them be, and then the process of outgrowing or outpacing fear can begin, and life will improve substantially. 

There you go, live your life and be merry.