That was me too, hugs.
I have no room to tell you how to do it but I want to tell you it sure feels good to be sober. I know you will too, as you have before.

Your not a failure...you took the first drink....made a mistake.
You can fix this....and I've been there many times this year....I'm routing for you to find the "fight" to get yourself back :(

In my own humble opinion, it is very important that you don't fall into the "failure" cycle. That is what gets us drinking again. You slipped. Okay. It happens allll the time. Ask yourself what convinced you that you could drink again and take the steps to fix it so you don't go down that pathway again. One more path that doesn't work eliminated. Fine.
Please don't be too down on yourself. This isn't a game of staying sober and perfect. It's a process, and all the while we are dealing with our humanity which means imperfection. Stay positive.
This is one of the things I don't like about AA (and I know you made no reference to it and I could be wrong about AA's take on it) but that if you slip, you start your sober clock all over again. That is nonsense. As long as you are honest with yourself, then that is what matters. This isn't a game of trying to get it right. That merely puts the focus on staying dry rather than working through the underlying causes of addiction in order to live sober. You slipped! That's the pits but it's not the end of the world. Keep moving forward.

There is no failure . . . only feedback. Five months with NO alcohol is quite an accomplishment. Slowly re-introducing it (as opposed to going wild) is an accomplishment. Re-connecting here for support is an accomplishment. Be self-aware enough to seek help is an accomplishment. Having the courage to admit to other human beings that you are not perfect is an accomplishment. I am very impressed with you right now.

Okay . . . so, you've make the first step back. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other in the right direction. You can do it. You are strong.

It's easy to quit, it's tough to stay quit

I found that by addressing my habit and disease I deal with it and move on

I couldn't quit on my own and had to find a room to finally plug the jug

You can be sober and happy. I am

1-2

I don't think it's failing. Just a learning curve as long as we live to tell the tale. (And many people die of this condition in horrible circumstances). I also think it's brave and honest of you to speak about yourself.
I drank again after 15 yrs of abstinence. Does that mean I have to forget everything I learned in that 15 years? Of course not. What I had to understand was why I drank again, and the list increased the more I thought about it. Bottom line was - not asking for help - (the biggest contributor, in my experience).
You had 5 months. You must have learned something in that time. Plus you already learned that drinking again can sometime soon take us back to the place where we had to quit the first time. That's a massive lesson learned. Tim

Hello hopefulsarah,

It is not failure, providing that you learn from the experience; if you do not learn and keep repeating the same cycle of having periods of sobriety followed by relapse then I think that would be classed as failure. However, a quote from Thomas Edison says: I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work.

Maybe you need to look at what you have been doing, decide if it is one of those ways that wont work and maybe try something different. In my experience many alcoholics need to change their way of thinking if they are to recover from alcoholism and that often requires outside help.

Regarding Sosas comment on restarting the sober clock in AA, it is understandable that you would have that impression as there is so much misinformation about what AA is all about. Much of this comes from AA members, who go to meetings and ignore the actual AA programme of recovery. There is no sober clock in AA, although members do celebrate their sober birthdays in some groups. The programme of recovery is written in precise language in the Big Book and it states: The principles we have set down are guides to progress. We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection. Unfortunately, many AA members go to meetings, listen to drinking stories, drink coffee, moan a bit and go home without ever exploring that guide to progress.

Therefore hopefulsarah, being hopeful is good but it takes some spade work to turn those hopes into reality. Time to get out the spade perhaps.

u Said: I haven't posted in a long time. Why? Because I was in denial and now shame and regret.
That happened to me, many times before. I do not think your a failure and it is good to re connect.
Some do AA, someone recommended to me Allen Carr's Easy Way To Quit Drinking, that is what worked for me. It made me change my view on alcohol and it is no longer appealing.
It will get better if you decided to make a change. If you continue to drink, I would assume you will feel like this again. Welcome back...

I don't reall have any answers that will eradicate your problem but I can tell you what worked for me.

I got sick and tired of being sick and tired so I went to the ER and asked to go to detox. I was in detox for 4 days and after detox I went into an IOP (Intensive Outpatient Program) In the IOP, I was treated for the things that triggered my addiction such as ptsd and depression. My counselors decided I needed more treatment so I was refered to relapse prevention group counseling where I learned what my triggers were and how to deal with them.

Throughout all of it, regular attendance at AA meetings were a requirement and I still attend them occasionally today.

7 years ago, I started on a journey to see where it would lead me. I went all-in because there was no other way.

I am sober today by the Grace of God and the 12 steps of alcoholics anonymous and I have a happiness, I never thought possible!

God Bless!

You've probably learned something from your experience and thats not such a horrible thing. Your not starting over not drinking your continuing on.