Morning Treadly.

My expectations of others was for them to live up to what I wanted, to be what I wanted, and to give me what I wanted. Result was frustration and misery. One thing I did notice later on about my sponsor and those who helped me most in AA, is they had no expectations of me. They guided me for sure, but also allowed me to have my own experiences.

"The higher my expectations, the lower my serenity."

That's pretty much what we talked about coogee. But it feels like a fine line between low expectations and being a pessamist. No expectations is probaly best, yet still difficult to achieve. The member who brought up the topic had gotten caught up in other people's expectations as well. Been there too.

Heard in Al Anon. Expectations are premeditated resentments.

That's a good one Nemo. I'll have to remember that.
Jacker I always thought that when things didn't go my way it was because the universe was somehow punishing or even mocking me. Now I know it's just life and nothing personal. The universe gives us all a little shit!

One drawback to sobriety is that now there are expectations of me. lol

Hard to believe you have never heard that Nemo.

My serenity is inversely proportionate to my expectations.........the lower I keep expectations the higher my serenity

Perhaps this topic...Expectations fits well with Coogee's Manipulation thread. As I have found that when I expect something, my old way wants to jump in to control the outcome....Don't we all want to be right?

With practice faith replaces expectations. Maybe it is faith in HP, Maybe it is faith in your ability to do the right thing.

Moving with the current of the river and an open mind for where it takes me....allows serenity into my life.

good point angel. We tend to see the outrcome of something as our job, when our job is usually more about providing opportunities.

I was just looking alittle bit.....baaad Mindlight...sober though

This is one of my MAJOR sticking points. I felt like I had to lower my expectations sooo low...that I couldn't live that way..
Do I just expect the worst/least...and then be bobbleheaded happy when they are not met..
I am grateful, absolutely and unequivocally...but do the Gods want me to strive for just living in serenity / which I agree would be really cool.
I expect my son to be a good hubby...but it is soo out of my hands now.....but I went sober when he was 15 1/2. But also my expectations of him grew, morphed...he was the tie-dye baby......raised my kids with the mantra "I just want them to be happy.
Dirty dreadlocks on a 6'4" white boy...to me is ridiculous...but I proudly walk each day with me. He is happy atm. None of my business....I will say the program is really good to learn how to be aGMom .
But what....should I expect the least/worst of him? Shouldn't I, as Mom, encourage him to go where his soul leads?...saying You can do it You Can!

No...program says expect nothing and be happy for what you get.
but that is serenity.
ahhhh Ebb and Flow Ebb and Flow

I always expected the worse....maybe my mental issues. Then I am happy and stupid that I don't get beat to death

What of Hopes and Dreams?? Striving for the good...fighting the good fight????
I am alone today...scared something might happen with my son gone for the day....I will be very careful and respectful...but my exspectations are...silly gossip, and my thoughts getting shot down

Someone's Court?

i think when your raising kids you have to have expectations for their behavior. But too often those expectations exceed the role modeling, which doesn't work.

Im sorry in advance for the length of this. I rarely post anymore and when I do Im too long winded. What an interesting topic! It makes me wonder how many of these are thoughts specific to alcoholism or personal experience or even upbringing? I began wondering how many of these same thoughts I have.

Expectations, yes, of course I have them----good ones. To not have any is cynical and a breach of faith in human nature. And I can say that I am rarely, if ever, disappointed. Example: Last December I started a new job with 2 women managers. A friend said Ugh, are YOU in for it! I told her that Id had several women bosses in the past and never had a problem. One, in fact, is my best friend today. Should I have gone to work the next day expecting catty problems from my female managers? That was not my expectation and I didnt get it. To sound bizarre, I think its what we project. My personal feelings are women should support women in what they do----period.

Another example: I have 3 kids (two sons28 and 27, and a daughter, 23). All were raised with a strong sense of right and wrong and a deep work ethic. My first son is now a certified Harley-Davidson mechanic. He has so many tattoos he looks like a Rorschach inkblot test gone bad. But hes worked his way close to the GM position at his dealership. He has unsurpassed customer service skills. He opens the door for all people, will lend a hand to anyone that needs it and tells me he loves and appreciates me all the time. He also has an IQ close to genius level. If a person saw him on the street, would one expect those traits or behavior from him? If one were to look beyond the ink and see the beautiful smile, they might, but that needs to come from the person looking.

Having said that, however, he isnt perfect. He has faults like everyone else and in those areas, he didnt meet my expectations. But they are smaller expectations than the bigger, humane expectations I wanted him to have. And Im totally fine with that.

So much of this is all about perspective. Keep it in perspective---chances are the person who doesnt meet your expectations isnt an axe murderer, theyre just someone that sees things differently than you do. If someone doesnt meet your expectations, so what? Who am we to set expectations for other people (aside from being a responsible and loving parent and instilling values?)

Expect the worst and if thats what you project, thats probably what youll get. Expect the best and if thats what you project, thats probably what youll get. Maybe Im confused. Have I missed something?

P.S. 27 year old son is an IT geek and 23 year old daughter is a cop. Family gatherings are ALWAYS interesting and fun, lmao.

I expect that most problems can be resolved. I expect that the sun will still be in the sky when I wake up tomorrow morning. Other than that, I can't really expect more than what life has in store for me. At least I can choose to make the best of what is available rather than squander the opportunities that are afforded me.

I know these used to knock me for six...expectations of others, and also huge expectations of myself.

One thing I have found is that expectations stop me seeing change and growth...kindof like not being able to see the woods for the trees.

Today I am grateful to be able to be realistic (well most of the time) and that stops me coming to earth with a big thud.

Great post Tread and something I have had to (and still do) work hugely on.

I am getting so much better with this. I remind myself to stay in the day and to not project into the future. Of course, this can be problematic if my day is crappy. if I expected oh simple things to go alright like, for example, my getting to my meeting this morning.

The rain was torrential but no worries as i have a car to get there. Well, halfway there the electric window on my side stops working so I am soaked before I even get there. Then I hear a horn from the driver behind me. I expected that it had nothing to do with me as I already had something to irritate me. I expected one thing was enough but oh no I was informed my brake light was out. Lots of cops around so I did the brake and turn light on simultaneously thing to fool 'em. I get there soaking wet but there all the same.

Time to go and I expect to get home doing the same thing. Well, I get a few miles down the road and (rain is still torrential) and my right windshield wiper is spinning like a top as if its going to fly right on off the car. This is bad I think as I cannot see a thing so I call the AA club. Help arrives and the guys take it back to the club to look at it. Somehow the window is rigged to kind of sort of stay up (broken cable) and the wiper is fixed. By now I pray that this day comes to a merciful end but oh no. I start driving again and the oil light comes on and I know I just had it checked but back I go to the AA club. The kind guys in detox now tell me I'm a little low but nothing that should have caused the light to come on. I put oil in anyway. By this time I have no expectations as I am exhausted and want a long into tomorrow nap. However, I do suspect there may be more to come so I call my roommate and make him drive my car while I drive his home. He has no problems whatsoever, no pesky lights, no flying windshield wiper, no rain soaked body from a tempermental window. In fact, he says, "Why'd you call me anyway?"

Don't think I'll leave the house tonight.

Expectations are a double edge sword. Set them to high and you are in for a let down. Set them to low and you already let yourself down.