I noticed quite awhile ago that my environment has a profound affect on my sobriety, my emotions, my frame of mind, and so much more. When I'm in a good environment, I feel really generally good about things. It motivate's me and inspires me. It instills an aura of positivity with me, and feelings that life is good. It can also give me a false sense of reality if I'm not careful about it. I can think that finally, I've found my spot in life and everything's going to be wonderful from now on. I've found the answer that lifts me above the average person. Perhaps a sense of specialty. But this false sense of reality can come crashing down and suddenly I feel my world is upside down and wonder what happened?

   Sometimes we might not have much choice on where we live, but we always have a choice on how we live. How we choose to think. Addicts need help here because of the real problem of addiction, addictive thinking. That thinking...That can be so subtle, and so logical, but leads us right back to drinking or using.                                                                                                                                           

At present, I don't always appreciate the environment where I need to live for now. It's a transition house that allows you to stay up until 11 months after you complete treatment. It allows you the time to get yourself situated back into the community. There is a lot of good things about this, then there is the not so goodI don't always appreciate the environment where I am. Some good things about this transition house are that your pretty safe from the world. You have a room, a bed, a place to wash, shower, laundry, and food. It's big so there's lots of room so you can get away when you want. The rules are extremely lenient with a minimum amount of supervision. You can lay around and do nothing all day if you want to. It's a transition house that allows you to stay up until 11 months after you complete treatment. It allows you the time to get yourself situated back into the community. 

I don't always appreciate the environment where I am. Some good things about this transition house are that your pretty safe from the world. You have a room, a bed, a place to wash, shower, laundry, and food. It's big so there's lots of room so you can get away when you want. The rules are extremely lenient with a minimum amount of supervision. You can lay around and do nothing all day if you want to. It's a transition house that allows you to stay up until 11 months after you complete treatment. It allows you the time to get yourself situated back into the community.                                                                                                                                                      

I don't always appreciate the environment where I am. Some good things about this transition house are that your pretty safe from the world. You have a room, a bed, a place to wash, shower, laundry, and food. It's big so there's lots of room so you can get away when you want. The rules are extremely lenient with a minimum amount of supervision. You can lay around and do nothing all day if you want to. It's a transition house that allows you to stay up until 11 months after you complete treatment. It allows you the time to get yourself situated back into the community.    

    The downside to this place is that a lot of people still use and drink here, not openly, but it definitely goes on. It makes it harder for me because I don't know who to trust, or who is actually serious about recovery. Some people lie so convincingly and I get tired of hearing the bullshit, so I avoid it by not talking much. People here are mostly people that have lived on the streets, in shelters, and been in trouble with the law. Some just don't want to change. Most have negative ways about them from their addictions and the life they lived and it can be very difficult finding someone to talk to when your down. I've also had to live the same ways, but I want to change those. That's a lot of the reason for my wanting to get sober. I didn't like myself, the way I was living, or anything else about it. I wasn't raised that way so I have been fortunate enough to have experienced good things in life.

    I find the food pretty bad. It's donated food and we don't have to pay for it. I understand very well about being grateful and I do practice it in my daily living. Being a chef I also know the aspects of food and preperation. What I see tho is really a huge problem of not giving a shit about it. They do have a person that they say is a chef, and 2 cooks that have previous experience with food, but they don't care much either. To them, it's just a job and most of the people here are scum anyway, and I'm not making this up. I've actually heard it said in ways that might be considered joking but really isn't. The people that work the kitchen have been there for many years so I suppose that contributes to the lack of caring. It definitely is a different place here.

    The surrounding area outside isn't the greatest either. It's one of the roughest in Toronto because of the density of shelters, soup kitchens, drug dealing...etc. So most of us are on assistance of some kind and can't afford to spend much. It limits where you can go and do. I often struggle with feelings of not knowing what to do.

    So what I try to do is find, or create for myself an environment that I can be satisfied with. It takes time. I need to find and look at my true values, and for ways to nurture them so they can grow. I do that by staying around recovery. Finding positive support from others trying to find the same for their lives. During the day I look for ways to help make my environment pleasant. Sometimes I mop the floor, or clean the washroom, or take the garbage out. Things that normally would not be done and would generally piss you off just watching, and make you want to tell someone off, which doesn't normally bring about anything good.

   So, yup, a long post. Just getting some stuff out, and now I'll go about the rest of my day....SOBER. Thank you, Lord.