Encouraging words are useless - if your not done with using yet, your not done.

The desire must come from within - the sad thing about addiction is that we have to be pretty well broken by it before we're hurting enough to stop.

its the only thing that makes me happy, nothing else has done this

What kind of encouraging words do you want?

Encouragement to stop - you don't seem to want to do that.

Encouragement that your drinking is ok - well, I can't do that.

"you know the last time i took it seriously i was taking meds for my mental illness and combined with not drinking i felt good."

These are your words. Sound pretty encouraging to me!

Get to that place again and use that as your jumping off point for a better life and a path to finding peace within yourself. But there are two steps -- 1) Stop drinking and using any illicit drugs and 2) take your prescribed meds for mental illness

And you ARE ready for this -- you are done when you say you are done. You choose. Then you act and follow through.

You're not done.

You need more pain out there.

And it always end with either one of the following:

1) Jail
2) Death
2) the desire to get clean and sober

Good luck

Until then

when i was on meds things were different then, i was with a nice support group of people here in the city. i dont have that anymore, the group i use to attend has been abolished. the last 2 times i drank with my friends i had a good time, i was smiling, that to me means its good. when i was sober for 45 days i hated myself and wanted to die, so how is that helpful?

In life there are a lot of things in our lives that get worse before you get better. I can guarantee to you a way to get happily and productively cleanandsober and stay that way for good! But are you ready for the sometimes painful journey that lies ahead?

Feel free to message me if you would like to know more about that.

Lyn

@serenity94 there is no way i am going to be sober and deal with all that mental pain again. i was so suicidal for those 45 days i had to come back to drinking, there is nothing out there that helps. i have been rejected by so many so called helpful people it just goes to show that no matter how much you explain your situation, people will reject u if you speak your mind.

Are you sure you arent rejecting their help?

If there is no way you are going to be sober then there is nothing anyone can do to "save" you from yourself. We arent done until we are done.
I wish you peace and hope you find a solution that works.