Four years ago I went for my fist surgery for cancer. I had a reaction coming of the anesthesia, when the surgery was completed at 9 AM . When they withdrew the anesthesia, my muscles went ridged. I bit through the breathing tube. Doc said that I had jaws of steel. This created vacuum in my lungs causing pulmonary edema. They attempted to bring me out of anesthesia two more times without success, requiring me to be put back under anesthesia. Finally the used a differed anesthetic to put me back under and I am out of it without muscle rigidity. I woke up around 3MP on the following day. The first words that I heard were from a nurse. He said as I put my hand on the tube in my mouth, Dont touch that tube. It is keeping you alive. I realized that I was on a respirator. I may live or die. I accepted that. The surgeon came in. He ordered another blood transfusion. At some point I was taken off the respirator an eventually take out of the ICU.
When I was released from the hospital I had no one to lean on. My wife, who is emotionally fragile, was a wreck. I thought I have been taking care or everyone. Now that I need someone to lean on, I have no one. It was then, that I remember what a nurse said to me, You are a very independent person. This saved me. It also changed my life. I realized that I have the power to get through this alone. My wife took care of my physical needs. Mentally I was strong. I took care of myself. I was able to walk around the house and later go for long walks.
This is was the beginning of my sobriety. After I was taken off the narcotics, I knew that I could drink again. However, I became aware, that I also have the power not to drink again. I have not had a drink since that day. I underwent three more minor surgeries and three major surgeries. During this time was sent home with three bags draining bodily fluids. , One bag was for the bladder catheter. Another was a ileostomy bag and finally a drainage bag from my peritoneal cavity. I did not drink during this time, because I had the power. The last surgery reversed the Ileostomy. The urine catheter was removed and the bladder healed itself, so I no longer needed the third bag.
After a six months of healing I celebrated my success by going to Jackson Hole Wyoming, and Yellowstone Park. When I came back I was diagnosed with an unrelated cancer. I went through chemo and radiation therapies for that one. I had a minor surgery for insertion of a feeding tube from just below my chest to my stomach since they were going to radiate my mouth and neck. I lost the sense of taste. It took a year to fully come back.
It is now two years since the chemo and radiation. So far I am cancer free. I celebrate getting through that by making a trip to the land of my ancestors, Mongolia. Again I had the power not to drink. I also celebrated four years of sobriety last week.
I enter the phase where there is only a 10% chance of cancer reoccurring. The chance of alcoholism recurring, so far is nil, as long as I use the power that is within me. Next week I am leaving for India, Nepal and Thailand. I am enjoying life, while I still have it.

The power that I have is not a higher power. It does not come from a group of people or from some god. It is in me. I just needed to awaken it and use it.

Thanks for sharing that impermanence.

I also had to realize that I am the one who chooses to not drink (or to drink). I had to find the power from within. It is there.

The power that I have within me comes from my Higher Power because I can't perform miracles and there have been many in my life too numerous to count.

God Bless!

My experience was that searching for a higher power and making lists of supposed character defects only muddied things up.

I think the heaviest burden you could place on an alcoholics shoulders is to ask them to define God... and it has nothing to do with quitting drinking.

buddhacat -- you describe a bit about why I quit and how I stay quit.

If I want to grow as a person (and I do), then how can I drink? It is poison to my body, fogs my mind, and dulls my spirit. It dims my inner light and diminishes who I am.

Fortunately, I took my power back in my life, and put the drink down.

Why in the world would I ever want to pick it up again?

Fuzzy,

Making lists of my character defects would have driven me down during a time when I needed to find and affirm the good in me. I prefer to look for the positive and reach towards that.

But there are different routes that can take you to the same place.And my path might not be the same as the next person's.