hi all
someone dear asked me a while ago what brought me to my knees in drinking no rude answers and i wrote this, i'd like to ask what brought you to your knees in drinking again no rude answers lol

i remember it well drinking heavily and a girl came in talking away i said do i look rough she said i look lovely well fine she said i was pissed i was looking at her crying with pain inside me i wanted to die

my last few weeks of drinking really took me to my knees i just could not and would not stop drinking

i knew i could drink from say 6.30am till about 1 ish then stop drink loads of water to sober up then start again at 7pm it was hell waiting till 7pm mouth dry shaking skin crawling ohhh i remember so well now im sat listening to music crying right now but it wasnt long before i just started drinking all day i was now drinking 6 cans before i even opened the shop before it was 2 id moved on big time by 1pm i was thinking bollocks lets just drink the day away once my boss turned up at 2pm he always came about 9.30am if he ever turned up at all not that day he knew i was drunk he never really said anything my book work was a mess not done in 4 days round about then i was also getting taxis to work every monday simply because i was so paranoid i had no idea if id left cans in the shop i really had no idea what the shop was like the taxi cost me 45 my work is 40 miles away a dear do

i often woke up looked in the mirror day 1 thought im ok

day 2 not bad day 4 shit i look awfull if someone turns up im gone sacked
my HP kept my job

i often drank when bosses was at the shop giving training id go to toilet swig a can then of i went chatting away to him mad i know but i pushed my look every step of the way once a team security officer turned up to do a shop check etc its random shit that day couldnt have been any worse books a mess shop a shit hole and on top of this i was heavily pissed well my body was pissed but my brain was relatively sober as you know we never really got pissed in our heads i felt normal inside at the end of my last days drinking i was up stairs drinking sweating cause i was going to throw up but i laid on the floor to get cold and keep the beer inside me so that i did not waste any by throwing it up then i went downstairs looked at the officer and said to him is that my job gone he said no why should it be thats up to you area manager to be honest i didnt give a toss long as i had my drink that day my life was a mess i phoned my dad and said dad i want to die i went to meetings pissed drinking in the toilet then i walked to one and said please someone help me help me i asked a chap to be my sponsor he sounded very alike his stories where like my life he said kid your drinking days are over

i see that girl today she knows i told her a while ago about my drinking today work is busy where top shop out of 50 this is from been sober

today i skip down my yellow brick road searching for happy joyous and free today i have it :0)
im so gratefull to be sober another 24 hours this will kill us if we go back out today i enjoy life so much it gets better as they all tell me it will

peace and love to each and everyone of you i love you all
xmarkyx