Making Changes for people sharing a common goal.....

The Power of Affirmations
Recovering Couples Anonymous

Couples in RCA recognize the need for changing old
behaviors and beliefs. The pamphlet Affirmations for
Couples is a powerful tool that can serve as a guide for
growth. An affirmation is a statement of how we want it
to be and the statement is made as if it were already
true!
Using affirmations can be as difficult as accepting
compliments! Please try to accept these messages with a
thank you rather than a yes, but Here are a few of
the affirmations from the pamphlet. These affirmations
are designed to enhance and support your relationship.
They can be used as an antidote for couple shame and as a
means to strengthen commitment. Heres a sample.

1. We build dreams together and live them one day at a
time.
2. Today we choose to live in the present, despite our
individual or couple history.
3. We express our love in words and actions on a daily
basis.
4. We are honest, direct, appropriate and respectful with
each other.
5. We are totally deserving of unconditional love.
6. We treat each other with honor and respect.
7. Today we affirm that our partnership is made of two
equal, unique parts and that our relationship has a
valuable life of its own.

These are just a few of the 77 affirmations in the
Affirmations for Couples Pamphlet. It can be ordered
from the online bookstore at www.recoveringcouples.
org or from World Service Office at 510-663-
2312.


How do we practice diversity?

We acknowledge and accept our differences
We affirm what we have in common
We accept the fact that growth can be messy
We give our partners the benefit of the doubt
We use mirroring techniques for conflict resolution
We sponsor other couples
We are willing to be honest
We maintain and open mind
We maintain a willingness to change
We engage in active listening
We demonstrate Compassion
We enjoy each other


Each partner needs to look at the impact of his or her behavior
in the relationship. This requires fearless honesty. Many times we hedge on broaching sensitive topics, or waffle instead
of coming out straight. The same little white lies or conflict
avoidance techniques that may be acceptable with casual
acquaintances can erode the foundation of our coupleship.
When a couple can face the reality of their relationship, they
can grow in their love. Step Four asks us to look at areas of
interaction with our partner where we have not been fully
forthcoming. Many of us can identify with the following
common themes:

Not finishing things with my partner, letting them fester
Looking for things to go wrong
Avoiding shame by blaming my partner
Failing to take responsibility for my mistakes and issues
Not sharing uncomfortable feelings with my partner
Placating my partner instead of sharing real perceptions
Not connecting, or not being available to my partner
Getting overextended (resultant stress affects my partner)
Expecting my partner to guess my needs
Not clearly asking for my needs to be met
Tolerating pain that was unnecessary
Leaving things undecided or up to my partner

Our commitment today: Today we will begin a new life
together, let go of past mistakes, and open our minds to the
possibility of change in ourselves and in our partner.
My commitment today: Today I will look at least one way
that I can expand my personal responsibility. I will take action
in my individual program to change my behavior.

Our Philosophy
RCA is a tool for recovery and not an end in itself. It exists to
promote caring, communication and intimacy. A quite successful
formula of RCA is my individual recovery plus your individual
recovery plus our couple recovery equals a healthy recovering
relationship.

Recovering Couples
Anonymous San Diego Convention 2005