Sounds like your doing great! No cravings...good. I think I would go..and maybe talk to my partner before hand and have a signal for when I have to leave if I was getting a craving. Or I would make a certain amount of time we were going to stay and say we over commited and can only stay that amount of time but wanted to enjoy the company of others.

And while there..if offered a drink...you said your not tempted when out...at resturaunts...so you possibly won't be tempted. And just decline using the excuse that I'm on a medication right now that I can't drink on Geeze wish I could have some of that wonderful wine..and PIG OUT.

If you go and you get thru it without a drink...it will bring you so much strength and so much pride. You may even have a better time not drinking. :)

I think you should go, you said they have great food!!!
As far as the 'great wine', view it as 'POISON' served in a PRETTY glass' and you will PASS. Bring sparkling water!!!
Just because drinks are FREE, does not make it any healthier or better.
If you were at a party and they were giving out hits of meth would you ingest it because it was 'free good meth'?
Remember you are going because you said you are there to see good friends and have good food. Do not envy these people drinking at this dinner party, they are drinking POISON, weather you view it that way or not.
One last thing, You would be no good company if you were intoxicated and you would be disappointed in yourself if you gave in. You been doing so good.

What does your "gut feeling" tell you? Listen to that rather than what you might like.

Hi Rich! I am on day 23 as well, and like you, my problem drinking occured at home and I have also not made an annoucement that I am no longer drinking. This past Saturday, I went to a friend's cookout where alcohol was served. I did feel a bit uncomfortable when more than one person asked why I wasn't drinking. I used the medication excuse which made me feel a little dishonest, but am just not at the point where I can "share" yet. The good news is, I did not have the desire to drink and was actually proud that I was able to get through the day and enjoy myself without drinking. This is just my experience and I agree with Fairilse, go with your gut. Good luck!

Hi Everyone --

I could actually use the "medication excuse" as it is not a lie - I am on a high dose of anxiety medication which is another reason that I should not drink. The friends hosting the party know about my anxiety / meds but I have always drank before. I could just say I'm on "new" anxiety meds and get sick if I drink alcohol or something like that or just say generically I am on medication and can't drink.

Rich

Hello Rich,

Only you will know the answer and going by your gut feeling is a good idea.

Personally, when I was on day 46 I would not go to that sort of function because the temptation would be too great. Going to social functions would not bother me now but back when I stopped drinking I was invited to one of those must attend family occasions. I was not sure about what I should do because I knew that the hosts would be offended if I skipped it. I shared about it at a meeting and a man came to talk to me afterwards. He did not tell me what I should do but he said that if it was him, he would not attend. I took his advice and passed by the party venue on my way to an AA meeting. People were indeed unhappy with my apparent snub to their celebration but they got over it. More importantly for me, I stayed sober.

As I see it you have several options:

You can go to the dinner party and make some excuse for not drinking being on medication, designated driver etc. are common ones. There may be pressure to have just one and for you one will probably lead to very many and it is likely that you will be back to your worst days of drinking in a short while.

You could go there and tell the truth to anyone who asks. You dont have to tell them everything but you could say that you have decided to stop drinking and leave it at that.

You could decide that sobriety has to be your number one priority and that for now, being in an environment where alcohol is freely available is too much of a risk. Be mindful of the obsession for alcohol as it does not automatically go away when you stop drinking. It can tell you things like: I want to go - for the food and the company when in reality it could be pushing you towards drinking, unknown to your conscious mind.

I would suggest you think about the good vs bad. Will you drink if you go ? Will you drink if you don't go. ?

Thing is for me I wanted to be like the normal people. But I'm not , I'm an alcoholic. I drink lots not just a taste...

I suggest a phone call asking if you could just be served non alcoholic drinks and tell them any reason , just set the stage. I bet you would be surprised how they are accommodating.

The reality is you will decide to bend your arm or not. What's it going to be?

1is2many

I know how you feel. I went to dozens of boozy events in my first few months of sobriety and it was always a challenge. I'd go if I felt I could enjoy the conversation; the food; the atmosphere. And I let myself off hte hook in advance. If I needed to go; I'd go. One year at a huge open bar christmas party I had to leave about 30 ms after arriving. But that's the exception. Mostly I'd enjoy the company, the conversations; and then I'd start to get bored and notice the drunks....no one not even my most beautiful sophisticated friends are better drunk. Its one of my epiphany's of sobriety. Anyway go and enjoy. But have an exit plan and tell your wife.

I agree with everyone's posts on trusting your gut.

When I had to go to a function with alcohol, I would commit myself to connecting with a fellow recovering alcoholic before and after the event. Some call it the Oreo cookie. That way, it helped me to stay on track knowing I had to call someone. And I didn't want to call drunk.

Also you can say that you have fatty liver ( I do) and tell them you can't drink alcohol.

I hope that helps.

Also you could bring your own bottle of raspberry gingerale or something you like and use the medication excuse and PIG OUT.

You will not even have an urge to drink if you eat the GOOD FOOD.

:)
Nice preparation by the way..thinking way ahead of time :)

I went to a number of functions and parties where people were drinking in my first few months. What helped me was visualizing myself at the event, how I would talk and have fun and sip on a glass a water while others were drinking cocktails. I even thought about how I would answer if people asked if I wanted a drink or asked why I wasn't drinking. ("No thank you," and "for medical reasons.")

Like Missy suggests, i would have an "early escape plan," in case I needed it (I never did.)

What I found was that I was fine at the event, and after i got home, THEN the temptation would hit. But I never acted on it.

One suggestion Missy makes that I do not agree with. I would never say that I wish i could have some of that wonderful wine. I do not drink and i do not make positive comments about alcohol. I would never tell my host that they are serving poison, but that is what it is for me.

Do what feels right for you. And if you decide to go, be clear in your head that you can do this (because you can) and have fun!

I like what ExJerseyGal suggested. Visualize yourself sober at the party. You could go a step further and remember the times (if any) where you acted foolishly or don't remember the whole party...

Of course, such an exercise can provoke some anxiety or guilt. If those feelings surface to an unmanageable degree stop the exercise and come back to again at a later time if you choose. Some anxiety is good and desensitizing oneself about the anxiety provoking thing is a good thing, because when the day arrives you'll be better able to assess your anxiety level and breaking point so to speak and leave the situation if necessary. Leaving the situation might be as simple as going to another room or taking a "potty" break or it may mean leaving altogether.