Alcoholism Support Group

Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.

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nickyj18022002 11/02/2009

I was reading some posts the other day that were talking about alcoholism/drinking being part of a pattern of self destruction. That drinking was an attempt to destroy ourselves.

I have been thinking a lot about it since, for myself, and have come to the conclusion that it was more about self preservation for me. I could not seem to live in the world, tolerate pain, feelings, things that happened and it felt to me that the world and other people would hurt me and destroy me. Alcohol was an attempt to cope with that, in a sense to save and protect myself.

I am fairly convinced that if I had not had alcohol to help me cope during my teenage years I would probably have killed myself. Life and being me was too intolerable to bear without it. It turned against me but I retained the delusion for a long time that it was what was helping me not what was hurting me.

What do others think - was your drinking about self destruction or self preservation?

Thanks

CoogeeMum 11/02/2009

YES Nicky. That was true for me too. If I hadn't turned to drink, I may not have made it here today either. My trust turned from God and adults, to drinking and the belief that I had to take care of myself, because everyone else had failed to do so. I had started to cut, looking for pain. But that was replaced quickly by alcohol. Which took the emotions away, so not only didn't I feel pain, I no longer needed to think about the hurt either.

It was coping mechanism Nicky, also gave me the false courage and grandiosity to face up to being in charge of my life. Gave me the anger to hide the fear. Took away the tears. I was the higher power. But it just spiralled into what we know now to be self-destruction. As a kid, I didn't know there was help out there. I'm a huge advocate of awareness, education and spending time with the kids of today. Prevention yeah. I can see how you'd be thinking about this one Nicky. Good topic to bring up :}

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Nicky, great topic, and I have been thinking about this as well. I have been operating on 'ignorance and apathy' mode "I don't know, and I don't care". Self protective frame of mind. When I was younger, alcohol served the purpose of a social lubricant. As I got older, alcohol protected me from pain, feelings, and the world in general. The self destruction came with the apathetic attitude. I knew I was hurting myself by drinking, but I did not care. Death seemed like a viable escape.

So I guess for me, it's both self destruction and preservation.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Great point Nicky. I think for me it was more of a coping mechanism combined with gluttony. Well, I guess it started out as gluttony and then became a coping mechanism. I was fortunate in that I never had any of the horrible things happen to me that so many have, but got to where I couldn't go grocery shopping with out drinking first!

Every little thing that caused an emotion, good or bad and I'd drink on it. I thought that was normal too, so I guess for me it was a cycle. Gluttony to self preservation to self destruction, it was progressive.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Oh and what Binary said 100%

"When I was younger, alcohol served the purpose of a social lubricant. As I got older, alcohol protected me from pain, feelings, and the world in general."

I think sooo many can relate to that statement.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

I totally can relate. Great post.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Hmmm, a thinker there Nickster.
My gig is what I definetly know to be true. I was born with these alkie CD'S just waiting for the first drink to release my ego. I found I really didn't like myself, I had to drink just to hang out with myself.
I found 100% courageous faith in the bottle, it would allow me to do things I could not do sober. However these actions had consequences that were not worth it. The spiritual malady is a sad place to be.
In working a slow but tested process of the steps I am coming out. Courageous faith supplied by a HP'er, not supplied by chemicals.
Self-destruction from the insanity of the first drink,, maybe???

deleted_user 11/02/2009

what i was told that fits my exp was for the real alcoholic the problems begins when we stop drinking. Thats when the poo hits the fan. I became irritable restless and discontent and I would try to fix that with stuff like a new car, new clothes , houses , kids, careers, money, I used all that stuff as a power to change how i felt on the inside. Although all that stuff provided relief it would eventually fail and off to the next thing then the next thing and finnaly when i couldnt stand mysel any more alcohol would show back up and instantly fix me. It worked every time to give me some relief from sobriety. The allergy would always kick in then off to the races again I would be. That terrible cycle continued till alcohol nearly killed me . thank god I was given a solution that worked. It was the spiritual malady that needed to be fixed in order to live comftorbly sober and that was way more than just stop drinking for me.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Nicky, I felt at the time that drinking helped me cope with the unacceptable emotions and helped me to forget. Actually I ended up dwelling on things as I sat in my chair imagining how I'd been done wrong and I would sometimes obsess more on what otherwise might have not been worth a minute of my time nor a single file in my brain's hard drive. Almost always ended up being a destructive endeavor to drink. Inspirational at the time it seemed.

JustAndrew 11/02/2009

Thanks nicky,

I did the best I could with the information I had. Other people could take it or leave it, but I had to drink to keep the top of my head from flying off.

I've become convinced that alcohol had an effect on me that it doesn't for most other people -- I could be suicidally depressed, anxious, lonely and fearful but, once a upon a time, all negative emotions would dissolve in alcohol. Three drinks and I was happy and looking for more.

I didn't know that I was powerless and that it would all fall in on me. Even when I did know -- I drank to escape horrible feelings -- I traded one millstone for another.

If alcohol still worked, I'd still be drunk!

deleted_user 11/02/2009

Good call Andrew. There is no doubt for me it was destructive from the get go. Any suicidal thoughts or attempts only came while drinking. It never made the pain go away for me it just amplified whatever I was feeling and made me lash out usually at myself but sometimes at others. The problem I am having today is I know how to be drunk I don't know how to be sober. Practice makes perfect I suppose.

deleted_user 11/02/2009

I think humans in general are drawn towards death and sex (life)....it is like the ying and yang of our existence. We strive to destruct yet we yearn to survive. It is the ultimate battle of dark and light within. People who are addicted to substances are very animated with this innate human struggle.

YOu want to live! You want to die (all humans have these internal struggles)! WHat do we do? Guzzle guzzle guzzle.........

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