As ,I am sure you learned in alanon, you can’t change an addict. You are using up energy so fast because it’s like swimming upstream. My daughter is in a similar situation. Her and her boyfriend are burning all their bridges and there isn’t anything I can do. I have gone the route you are doing and it didn’t work. Just enabled them to make more bad decisions. I am intervening to help get her into another rehab, and this time, a strict sober living situation for women after. She needs consequences to her actions and this is the only way I see. She knows I will help her anyway I can except finance a party. And I think that’s what you are doing. They need to grow up. And they need to want an independent life. We can’t give that to them. As much as that would make it easier for us it’s just impossible.

I remember when I was in outpatient treatment. One day out of the week was family day and our families were invited. A person's family would gather in a circle with the addict and each member would take turns telling the addict exactly what their actions did to them, under the guidance of several very skillful addiction counselors who would prompt them how to speak without judgment.
There were alot of tears but at the same time, there was also alot of healing going on. When I saw that, I was determined to never, ever put my family through that kind of torture, ever again!

The counselor told us that addiction has been referred to as a family disease because it disrupts the lives of everyone close to the addict.

Biby, welcome to the group. My heart goes out to you. You see what your son's sickness is doing to him but look at what his addiction is doing to you!
I would suggest alanon but you have already tried it apparently.

The only thing that worked on me was when my wife stopped enabling me and I had nowhere to go and basicly no way to survive. Detox seemed like a good place to spend 4 days. I could get a meal and a warm bed to lie down on...

I remember years ago, I met another mom here who refused to allow her son to live at home, unless he got sober so he lived on the streets. He was an alcoholic, but there were times when she allowed him to come and take a shower and eat a decent meal and other times she would drive along the streets looking for him and when she found him, she would give him food and fresh clothing. That was the choice he made. He would rather be high or drunk instead of living at home, sober with a loving family. That's the madness of this disease! Eventually, he died on the streets of his disease. I hope and pray that doesn't happen to your son.

In the meantime, try to live as normal of a life as you can and if you are siritual in any way, try connecting to that voice within through prayer and meditation. I do so on a daily basis and I have not had a bad day or a day when I had a craving for alcohol, in over 6 years.

Feel free to come here and journal or post or talk to anyone of us here.
My door is always open. We will keep you and your son in our thoughts and prayers.

God Bless

Why would he need to get it together if his rent is getting paid ?

I drank until the pain was so bad that I had to make a change. The more I was cradled the more I drank.

Cut the cord

My first and second wives went to my mom to about my drinking, after having pleaded with me. Thankfully I was a functioning alcoholic that had a good income. But I’d go into terrible blackout drunks that frightened my kids.

Nothing changed for me until I was ready. I knew I was an alcoholic at 21. I didn’t stop until I was ready at 41.

I walked into AA, and I’ve neeeded nothing else to stay sober. I simply wanted it finally. My bottom wasn’t bad but I’m lucky.

It is a tough position to be in. You’re no help to him in 6 months if your bankrupt. His disease will ruin the both of you. You may have to cut the cord. What will the breathalyzer do? Confirm the lies you’re already telling? And if that was your threat, he could move to pulls to booze.

I’m sorry you’re facing this.