I never post here anymore but for you ExJ, I'd make an exception any day:)
I am happy to see you on here, although sad as to the reason for your absence lately.
I really am sorry that you are still going through this shit with him. Perhaps it's time for YOU to move on to happiness. I know, easier said than done.
LOVE and hugs to you....
Jen

Sorry - I meant to add that I am so proud of you that you are not compromising your own sobriety over this situation. It's sad all the same - you're still living your life with the risk of it being ruined by alcohol. It's just somebody else holding the bottle this time.
You are a smart, competent woman. I have no doubt you will do what is best for you and your children.

That must be tough. This disease is bad juju. I will say a prayer for you and him today.
1is2many

Ex NJ I was thinking about you earlier today.

It's always a struggle. I'm sorry your husband keeps relapsing.

Stay strong. It's good you are still sober. I've always admired you.

I too am surprised by this fact in your life....I did not know he had any problems....anyway hugs and you keep the plug in the jug....

I can relate. Watching both my parents commit a slow suicide with the bottle, knowing there was absolutely nothing I could do to stop the madness, just tore my heart out!

I feel for you Ex and I wish there was something more we could do to help, besides just being here for support.

God Bless

I'm so sorry that you and your family are struggling. I've often wondered what I'd do if my DH drank the way I used to. His dad drank himself to death; and the entire family was affected. He loved his dad and its taken him years and years to admit that he had a problem. My husband drinks but not alcoholically. And that's hard enough as a sober person to see. Anyway, I know from watching my sister struggle for years that until the alchi wants to get sober, he/she just won't. You should definitely take care of yourself and your kids. It sounds like you are. And you know you can't wish or will him sober. This is such a tough one. Just know that you arent alone and there is support for you and your family.

Thanks for all of your support.

He lost his job so that puts stress on our finances and reduces the practical options on how I can divorce him. He is a different person when he has some sobriety but then screws it up and drinks again.

He sees how I have changed my life. When I quit drinking I was in bad shape, in an awful job, unhappy, physically hurting -- a total mess. Now I am happy, healthy, and have a great job. Everything changed for me because I quit drinking. He see that and knows that when he drinks everything goes to hell (I can't begin to tell you the shit that has happened -- 2 DUIs, three days in jail, etc., etc.) Yet he still picks up a drink.

It is frustrating and exhausting for me to watch him do this to himself and our family. Bleh. He's told me that he is much better than he was. He no longer drinks everyday but continues to relapse every few weeks. It is better, but I don't see how he can transform his life to something great while he is on this roller coaster.

Salute to you! and happy to hear that he started to be better! Why can't you try for a professional addiction recovery treatment from your side? I had experienced such a situation (not in my family). He was our best friend and me and my husband together tried to make him sober and we have won with the help of an addiction recovery centre (Edgewood Health Network, Toronto). Try something like that. God bless!

First I want to say congrats to you for staying sober, especially through the tough time with DH. Second, now I'm not trying to over step my bounds and if I do please tell me. I am new to this group and am not really sure of the rules and such. Little personal history, my father is a recovering alcoholic of 30 years, and I of only 1 year. When my older brother was very young, my dad still had an issue. A situation came up where my dad didn't do as he was suppose to in properly taking care of my brother. He passed out about 5 pm holding him and didn't wake up until my mom got home at about 11 pm (back in the day she was a server at a restaurant with not the best hours.) My mom freaked because my brother hadnt eaten or been bathed or anything, he was just sitting there in my dad's arms scared. Now no harm was done to my brother, but my mom had enough. This was years of drinking with verbal abuse and failure at being a good father. My mom didn't want that in our lives. She told my dad either quit or I'm taking the kids and leave. My dad, being the great man he is quit and hasn't touched it sense. I asked him how he felt about the ultimatum my mom gave him. He said "I wasn't happy with it at the time, but her saying that made me open my eyes and realize that I wasn't being the man I should be. I got sober for me, so I could be around my kids, around my wife, and finally be happy." What he is basically saying is that for him to be happy and have the things in life he wants, he needs to get sober, for him. So he can feel better and be better, and in turn, be with his kids. Now I'm not saying do that to your husband because that's a very risky thing to do. What I'm trying to say is that as much as you love him and try to help, unless he is willing to make a change for himself, it won't happen. I'm sure you know this already, but sometimes it's nice to have a reminder. I needed them, and still do, now that I'm sober as well. If you need to step away for the better of your children, or yourself, do it. Those kids need a positive environment and they might not be getting it right now. Sometimes, as hard as it is and as much as it sucks, doing so is the best choice. Divorce is hard, financially and mentally. I know you said he just lost his job but you have to look at it this way. If you want to divorce, his job is his problem. Sounds like he needs a wake up call to get his act together. Maybe you leaving will give that to him, maybe not. But that's not your choice to make, it's his. Your choice to make is to stay in that abusive relationship, or get out and show your kids a healthy lifestyle. Yes, it will be hard. Yes, there will be struggles. In the long run, it will all be worth it. Call family, call friends. Do what you have to to make sure you get out of there. Or ask him to leave.I hope that helps, and like I said, if I overstepped I am sorry. Keep us posted! It will get better my dear.

Hi LilyT,

You did not overstep your bounds. I appreciate you sharing a story that is meaningful to you so that I might be inspired by it. My situation is a little different -- my kids are older. This is more of a dysfunctional situation than an abusive relationship. I have thought about divorce. I'm not sure why I haven't gone ahead with it. It's a combination of not wanting to go through the pain; not seeing how we will manage it financially (sell the house, etc.; and this stupid hope that he will pull it together.

i haven't read any of the other replies.. but sometimes it's more than just alcoholism.. he might have bipolar depression or any depression.. as it is like that in my family full of alcoholics.. maybe he should see a therapist rather than AA to see what might really be causing the drinking problem. but great for you!! i'm proud of you that's amazing :-)

My prayers are with you and your family.

I feel sad for your situation. You're a smart cookie EXJG so I won't offer advice because I know the measures you've gone through. There's no doubt in my mind that you will do the right thing. Just wanted to stop by and tell you I'm rooting for you. Hugs, Dianna

My heart goes out to you and your kids while dealing with your husband’s alcohol problems. It must be frustrating for you, especially since you were successful in overcoming the same problem, and haven’t look back since. I applaud your strength. I had addiction problems years ago. I had the desire to stop but then I would feel guilty about hurting friends and family which made me continue the same reckless behavior. It was a vicious cycle. Finally, I decided to join a local church in my neighborhood, received prayer – that worked. It’s been over 15 years now free and clean. Have you considered discussing your husband’s inability to remain sober with his sponsor? I hope my situation helps you. I will be praying for your family.