I tried to do it on my own too and didn't have success until AA. Don't beat yourself up. There are other options to try too if AA isn't for you. I advise you try to get your hands on the Big Book at the meeting if you can. It has helped me so much.

Thank you msmermaid!
I will seek it out. I need all the help I can get.

Go in with an open mind. It has helped many people so it may be just what you are looking for. If not, there are many other avenues of support that you can look into for help.
Good luck:)

The post-drunk blues are no fun. Remember that alchohol is a depressant. But you are taking action and doing something about it. So hold your head up and tomorrow will be better.

You are so right LLB2. The post drunk blues are the worst.
And no one to blame but myself.
And thank you forestfreak I will do whatever it takes this time.

That's the attitude:)
And keep coming here for support. It really is a great group - lots of encouragement here.

The first time I went to an AA meeting was memorable. Of course I was consumed with guilt and shame. I came from a nondrinking family and I was the mother of 3 beautiful little girls. I'd been a closet drinker attempting to deal with unspeakable childhood trauma and my father's suicide.

I convinced my judgmental church-lady mother to go with me. We drove around and around and couldn't find the address. I finally found it but by that point we were 25 minutes late. As you can imagine, I was pretty rattled. I pushed the squeeky door open and all the heads in the room swiveled around. I'm sure I blushed and the meeting leader said, "Funny ... you don't look like alcoholics!"

My mom blurted out, "Oh no! Not me! She's the alcoholic!" At that moment, I realized that I would be making my journey to sobriety with the help of these strangers who were kinder to me than my own mother.

I hope you enjoy your meeting.

I have been there, at on time, I had 7 years sober and when life got really tough, I snapped. I was so depressed, it seemed like the next best thing to do. I screwed up, I have not maintained sobriety except piecing together 2 years, then a year, then a few months here and there. Don't beat yourself up. Get back up, dust yourself off and get back on the wagon, that'sounds what I do. I only have 8 days now! I have failed so many times at sobriety and lost keep coming back for more, until I get it right or I'M dead! You are in the right place. Keep Pushin' On! Sly

Wow babyshelby thanks for sharing that story.
My mother is my ride to AA tomorrow. ; )
But I'm blessed. My mom is a rock and she is kind and I don't think I would be able to walk thru that squeaky door if I didn't have her to hold my cowardly hand.

Thank you Sly. I'm not use to failing except when it comes to sobriety
I can not drink again. It has cost me valuable relationships and I can not afford to lose anyone else because I chose to drink. I know that relapse is common but I'm tired of it. I'm scared to death.

I think the meetings are good and will probably help you. Be as open as you can. Nobody's expecting you to tell your whole story all at once, but they all be willing to listen to what you've got to say. I went to a bunch of meetings early on, but didn't think it was right for me, but I went to one last Friday, and the Sunday before that. Good luck to you.

Blessed, I just want you, I'M not in this alone this time. I have support, but not AA. I realized there are some things about me that have to change before I can stay sober. I'M working on those things with a counselor. I also like INTHEROOMS.COM for meetings.

Sorry, I don't want you. Lol I meant to say I want you to know.

You can do this. Believe you can. Keep telling yourself that you're strong. Believing in your strength adds to your strength.

Agree with the other responses. Don't beat yourself up or wallow in the self pity of drinking. I spent way to much time there personally, and there was nothing positive about the regret, self absorbed / self pity, I sat in for a long time. Well other than to look back on now and know I don't want to be there ever again. in that way its a lesson to learn.
Anyway, go to a meeting, then go to another. Rinse, repeat. Live in the moment and let go of yesterday.
easier said than done; but stlil doable a day at a time.