Hey Rich, My son's birthday is 2/14. You did the right thing about that "toast" situation. I observe a certain religious day once every year, where real wine is required. So, I just buy one of those "airplane bottles" for myself. That's the only alcohol I drink all year. Ya gotta respect alcohol's power to alter your thinking process to one of "Feels Good. More! More!" Be the driver of your life, not the passenger.

i have to be on guard all the time I remember when I was at a party and I was distracted and somebody sat a beer right by my Coke. I took a swig before I knew it. I swig big and I got that light sweat and was pissed. But it passed. I just can't even tempt fate because I know I will be back to daily boozing if I'm not vigilant. I have a switch that's alcoholic. I drink one and I'm off to craving
1-2

Happy Valentine's day.
I gotta say; any booze; is too much. Substitute crack for what you just said with Creme De Menthe. Is it OK just because its a fancy drink, for a wonderful toast? No. You can toast your dad with ginger ale.
I have, do and will.
Seriously; if you want to stay sober; you can't drink alcohol. Period.

I'm sorry you feel that way Sticky.

I know that my problem has been trying to moderate but not being able too. However, that had been with wine mostly and also drinking enough to get buzzed. Having an ounce of Creme de Menth once a year is not going to thrust me back into drinking heavily, as I did not tonight after that toast.

Perhaps if the beverage in question was something I had consumed regularly when I was drinking too much I might have thought differently about it but since the only time I've had Creme de Menth was on Valentine's Day in 2014, 2015 and 2016 I'm not worried about it being a "gateway."

Additionally, I think your analogy with crack is completely ridiculous. Had you suggested something like champagne, which would have been far more likely to make me want to drink more, it would have had more resonance.

Rich

Thanks for your honesty. I'm happy you were able to toast and not crave more. I understand how special that drink is to you and your family. I'm toasting with non alcoholic beverages these days, but that's just me. Happy Sober Monday. Keep going and keep us updated. Hugs!!!

You're doing awesome Rich.
Day 18 is fantastic and as you said, the best you've done in a long time. Celebrate that:)
Glad the toast to your dad didn't leave you craving more. YAY:)
And cheers to dad - sorry you lost him, Rich.
Jen

So sorry for your loss. To me the fact that you had the Creme and didn't reach out for your usual is fantastic. I would be well chuffed, that is when your willpower would have been tested to the max. Really well done on you. You are certainly giving me big hopes here for you and myself as I am struggling but am staying on this site as am determined to win.
Keep your uplifting posts coming through.
G.

I think you miss Stickywick's concern in the crack analogy. We've seen you relapse on more than one occasion Rich, and have shared in your pain and suffering afterwards. You've openly discussed the shame you felt in disappointing your wife, your partner in life. Now you rationalize having a creme de menthe by stating the it's something akin to strong mouthwash, when in fact a shot has 24 grams of alcohol compared to a 12 oz beer which has only 14 grams.

I'm sorry that I can't be in the consensus on this one, but believe you have to find alternative ways to pay tribute to loved ones in a way that supports your commitment to sobriety.

I just not interested in having any alcohol in my system....I do not have an off switch for alcohol....it is on one more and one more than one too many and then a few more than that too....hope you can control the craving when it does come back....it surely will as the big book of AA says that some point in time we will have no defense against alcohol other than a higher power....I know I need that to be my strongest alley in my life forever....hugs bill

I don't see a problem in having a one ounce shot of creme de menthe (which is like minty cough syrup) to honor one's dead father once a year.

I lost my parents and I understand the importance of honoring them in the way that feels most genuine and heartfelt. This is a ritual you share with your mom, whose grief must run very deep, and I am sure she finds comfort in your shared experience as well.

Congrats on your continued sobriety.

If this one drink in honor of your father has not tempted you or jeopardized your recovery, then I can't see a problem with it. I also respect those who have to draw a hard line too, but "one size does not fit all" and we are all individual personalities. Do what works best for YOU.

HI --

I appreciate everyone's feedback and concern for a potential relapse.

In the past I have relapsed because, although I had said that I wanted to stop drinking, I have, in reality felt "I can moderate." I finally accepted that I can't moderate and so I've finally accepted that I must stop drinking completely (except for the toast on Valentines Day.)

Today is day 20 and I'm feeling really good about continuing to succeed. I've had no cravings for alcohol and I'm feeling generally much better. I have more energy, I'm sleeping better (after a few nights of strange dreams) and so I realizing more and more the negative effects alcohol had on me!

Rich

First, I am sorry for your loss Rich and it is wonderful that you still have your mom and hopefully are with her as much as you can be. My folks live 6 hours away and are also in their 80s and the older they get, the more I miss not being around them every week. So, stay sober for yourself, your wife AND your mom and be there for her as much as you can. As for the creme de menthe, I can only say "To Thine Own Self Be True."

Reading that you have accepted that you must stop completely is heartening. It essentially means surrendering, which is HUGE. It is not WEAK to surrender to a poison. It is liberating and being hones with yourself. That is what will save you my friend. One day at a time. Yours in the walk, PG

Hello Rich,

Well done on Day 20.

It is not my place to judge whether you did the right thing or not as that is entirely your own business. All I can say is that if I personally did that, I would be worried. I am one hundred percent confident that I could do it and not go back to drinking that day. I am also pretty sure that over the coming days and weeks, I would have a nagging thought that maybe I could do it again or maybe even have a couple more next time and that is where the danger lies.

Just before Christmas, I saw a nice box of chocolates in the shop and I bought them for my wife, but here is the twist. They contained sherry, probably a very small quantity, and although I rationalised that I was buying them for someone else, I had every intention of sampling the product. In the end I didnt touch them but it certainly was tempting. My alcoholic mind rationalised that this was a way to get around the reality that I cannot drink. It reminds me of the bottles of booze I used to buy for family, friends and guests but that were very much for my own consumption.

Anyway, thats only my take on it and I certainly dont want to throw the first stone. You now have a glimpse of how good life can be without alcohol so keep with it and may the force be with you.

PJ I'm with you on that. I don't eat rum cake; or drink virgin Mohito's, non alcoholic beer or anything that LOOKS, smells, or is alcohol. Its just too close. And the crack analogy is for real. If a crack addict said they took just a little taste; we'd all say WOAH no way. its the same in my mind with any amount of booze. its as deadly; its a fatal progressive incurable disease. Why would anyone mess with it? I don't need champagne to toast at a wedding; I don't need alcohol to celebrate anything. In fact I honor and celebrate life every day by *not* drinking. But that's just me. A day at a time. I'm not strong enough to have a sip. No way.