Sounds very familiar Jim. My wife can act very much the same, in my opinion. I just told her that stress is a major alcohol trigger for me and I can't let myself get hung-up on the small stuff in life like she does. Not sure if it works all the time, but at least I am being honest about it.

Jim he beauty is reconciling these situations sober and handling them the first time, so you don't have to repeat situations.

You might ask her to go easier on you, that you're having a difficult time in this. Perhaps she needs to go to Alanon to see how difficult your struggle is.

It's a family problem and family solution.

Hello jimINDY,

Well done on day 10. You are now beginning to experience the little things in life that drive many back to the old solution of drinking. This is where you can make the changes to your thinking that will lead to long term sobriety or where you can paddle along, hoping for the best and risk a return to drinking.

What you have described is sometimes referred to as a feeling of being restless, irritable and discontented and it happens to many who stop drinking. Your wife is not at fault here as she is probably doing what she always did and even if she changed her ways in the morning, you will meet countless other people who will do things that can annoy you. In an ideal world these people would all improve their behaviour and become what you would like them to be but we do not live in such a world and it wont happen. Are you going to live a life then where your wife and many people, places and things continue to annoy you, with the risk that someday you will throw in the towel and reach for a drink?

The alternative approach and one that leads not only to continued sobriety but also to a life of peace and serenity is to change the way in which YOU react to what other people do. Bringing about that change in your thinking is not something that comes about automatically and it requires training. When I went to school I learned a lot of interesting but useless stuff that has been of little benefit to me since then. However, I never learned those most essential life skills that would allow me to interact normally with other people. When I lost control over alcohol and eventually went to meetings of Alcoholics Anonymous a whole new world of learning opened up. I learned how to react differently so that in good times and bad times there is a good chance that I will remain sober.

There are different opinions about AA, some positive and others negative, but what I can tell you from my own experience is that AA has shown me the path not only to sobriety but also to serenity. What you do is your own business but that is what has worked for me.

Give your wife a break go to a meeting

Well stated PJ54 and I concur with you recommendation to our friend. AA is a great resource, especially in early recovery, to help someone stay the course. Works for me!

Thanks everyone. Had a talk with my wife. Sounds like it's an adjustment for her not drinking as well. Although she doesnt drink drink much, it hasn't been uncommon for her to have a couple glasses of wine after a tough day. Last night was better. She also made us some great NA drinks, sparkling coconut water mixed with tropical fruit juice. Glad I have support, both at home and on DS.

Wow day 10! What you are noticing is that the physical dependence is diminishing or gone. It usually take 10 to 14 days. Now it is all about obsession to drink. This gets less as time goes on and you learn to deal with problems. Sometimes it's acceptance of things that you cannot change that is a solution. I learned that the only person that I can change is myself.

My wife has a bad case of OCD. She will not go for treatment. I learned to accept her behavior. Before I learned acceptance, she drove me crazy.

JI when I first put the cups down the missus at first was happy then like a switch went on and any little thing I did annoyed the hell out of her and I copped it.

We started to explore this together and some of the things that we saw was her fear of losing control, she was so use to me drinking and controlling everything that she was scared of the loss. In my cups she tolerated a lot of stuff ie the shirts on the floor, the jocks on the bathroom room floor etc etc. She tolerated them because it was easier for her to just do them than end up in an argument whilst I was drinking.

And one that happened later on was a breakdown of our marriage early on in sobriety. I had done a lot of work on myself and started to change how I acted. My wife started to see the way I could have been for many a year and resented that she had to tolerate me for so long. This was a hard one to identify in our relationship. But through this honest work today I love my wife more than I did yesterday but not as much as I will tomorrow,

G8

Your drinking was a part of your relationship. So of course your quitting affects your relationship -- this is a huge change for her too.

If you quit drinking and become normal will you need her anymore? Did you push her over the edge before you quit? Is she doing this because it is one way she can (unconsciously) express her anger at all you put her through with your drinking?

I have no idea... but there's lots that could be going on here. Give it some time. If things don't settle you might want to consider counseling.

From a woman's perspective ... talk to her about it. Ask your wife how all of this change is making HER feel. Listen to what she has to say first, then tell her how you're feeling.

This is a big change for both of you. Your struggle is a very big one, but she'll appreciate your acknowledgement and concern for what she's going through as well.