Good luck! It's a process, success followed by relapse sometimes but eventually you will decline that sip of whiskey. What has worked for me, and I am not successful yet, is asking myself what good has ever come from alcohol? I can still come up with excuses every now and then when the social situation "demands". Hang in there!

Thank you so much.

Hello Christiney,

Sorry to hear about your bad news and I hope that there are better times ahead.

There is no point in beating yourself up about what happened. Instead, start again and try to learn from the experience. Don’t ever be afraid or ashamed to go back to AA as you will no doubt get a great welcome. The only AA literature that you really need to know is the first 164 pages of the Big Book so maybe you could make that your priority when you get a new sponsor.

Thanks, PJ54. You're right. I just have to get to a meeting and show up. I'm not sure I want to be that person who raises my hand, though, and says I'm counting below 90 days again. But once I sit in on a few meetings and gather the strength and face myself in the mirror a bit, I'll get a new sponsor. In the meantime, though, I like your suggestion about reading the first 164 pages in the Big Book. Thank you. Going back to beating myself up, I feel like, there's a line, like, no it's not useful to beat myself up, but I should take responsibility for my actions, which were not so smart.

Aaaahhh the ole College Buddy. That will do it every time. But in the end I was the one that bent my elbow. I was the one that wanted to drink. I too would get some sober time and then someone would push a drink my way and I would see the easy escape to life. I found it was relatively easy to quit, but staying quit takes work. See the alcohol was the solution. Period. It solved all those heavy family issues. King Alcohol solved my problems. The problem was that in the end it was the only way that I could solve anything.

We have all had the bumps in the road. Dont stop until the miracle. It will happen if you stick around

1is2many

1is2many, what a great way to put it, "King Alcohol." Love that term. You're so right about how quitting is one thing, but staying a quitter is a whole other game. Thank you so much. I'm going to continue on and hope for that miracle. It's just that, starting again hurts.

The shame and guilt and remorse are all symptoms that make me want to drink more to forget. The real solution is to find something to replace the drinking. For me i found a great group of friends that help me to learn new ways to cope. B/c after all that is what alcohol helped me to do. Cope with the bad and the good. I also believe that I process alcohol differently. I am not immoral or there is nothing wrong with me, I just have a gene that processes alcohol differently.

Imagine the road that you travel and envision a stronger and happier you. The real goal is to be so content sober that there is no reason to drink. Life is waiting for you to enjoy and be happy. Cmon!

I didnt have any clue how powerful the mind could be until I practiced envisioning me happy and healthy. The mind can become the key to being happy. I choose to be happy and free... but weirdly the little voice says... come back its ok... but I choose not to listen. I dont need booze today.
1-2

Thanks so much, 1is2many, for your wisdom!!!!! Wow. It's so true what you say about the shame, guilt, and remorse. It's that, "Well, I might as well go all the way now that I've started" kind of feeling, which is nothing but a black hole. And as you said, alcohol was the way to cope with the good and the bad. I drank when I was happy, when I was sad, when I was sick, when I was fine, and actually, when nothing at all was the reason! I agree there is an allergy or something that makes us process alcohol differently. But I'm struggling with the little voice you describe at the end. I've got to try hard to ignore that voice. It's the devil speaking. I know life is waiting. I've got to try. Tomorrow I'll wake up and it will be a new day. It sucks that it will only be day 2 again, but that's not a reason to drink.

Christiney,

What's done is done. Don't beat yourself over the slip. Treat it as a learning experience. What helps me is having a community of people to answer to, in the event Im without a sponsor or my sponsor is unavailable.

That's the beauty of the fellowship. A sponsor is a solid rope to tie yourself onto, but the fellowship of AA for me is a series of ropes woven together to make a strong net. I know that net has me in times of trouble or weakness.

Thankfully I won't let life trick me into think that alcohol is a solution.

We learn from our mistakes. Make this a learning experience and turn those days into weeks, months and years.

Thanks so much, jeffneedshelp. I love the imagery of the fellowship as a rope. And to both your point and 1, 2's, that alcohol is a solution when life is out of control. It's not the right solution, though, is it. Thank you.

Not a solution - a symptom of our problems. We think that adding gasoline to our fires will extinguish the flames, when in fact it fans them.

For me alcohol is gasoline.

And that's why I put water on my fires nowadays.

Got it, jeffneedshelp! thank you.

Hey guys, so this is day 2...It's going by VERY slowly. But, it's going by.

Congrats!! Hang in there! You own day 2

Hey Christiney! Hoping you are still counting. :) Hang in there. Stay strong!