Hello Kevin105,

Shortly after I stopped drinking, I had an invitation to one of those ‘must attend’ family gatherings. Two uncles who are twins were celebrating a big birthday and nothing short of dying would be a good enough excuse for missing the bash. Although most of the people there would be moderate drinkers, I knew that there would be an endless supply of the best of liquor.

My dilemma was that I was not long sober and the temptation to drink would be great. I hate parties at the best of times so going to one at that time would have been a double torture. At the same time, I did not want to offend my uncles or their families.

I shared about the conundrum at an AA meeting and got a suitable answer. No advice, no lecture and no judgement – the guy just said:

“If it was me, I wouldn’t go”.

I passed by the party venue on my way to another AA meeting just as people were gathering in. I know that one uncle and perhaps both was not pleased that I was not there but he soon got over it and we are on good terms today.

Therefore, the question that you may want to ask yourself is: “Which is more important – pleasing your friend or guarding your treasured sobriety”?

That's really up to you but if it were me, I would not go. I would not want to be triggered that early in my recovery. My brain would take advantage of the situation, I am sure. If your friendship is good and solid then I am sure the musician would understand.

Good luck in making the right decision!

God Bless

Thanks to both. Yes, probably best not to tempt fate at this time, agreed. Guess I knew that in my heart but appreciate hearing from you two as well. I know my friend will understand when I explain the reason at an appropriate time.

I found that it was tough going back to the places I used to drink and also it was tough hanging out with the ppl I used to drink with. It stirs up a deep feeling of jealousy when others are partying. When it was me usually in the bathroom blowing chunks my mind envisions grand visions of me at the table with p diddy and a few high class ladies and a bottle of expensive stuff. I found it was just better to stay away.
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thanks for the comments 1is2many. Yes, envy seeing others enjoying a drink is a problem and is what led me off the path after 10 1/2 months sobriety the last time. At that moment, you're more concerned with what you're missing rather than the consequences of drinking again. Guess it's all about managing the situation and making good decisions to begin with. Appreciate your comments!

You've done 10 1/2 months of sobriety in the past! For me (me, as all of us are different), I would go and get a big glass of club soda and lime -- then another, then another. I would chose to go for only a couple hours because I "have to get up really early". No matter what I WOULD NOT DRINK! I can do two hours of seltzers and leave feeling even better about myself. If this advice seems foreign to you, I'd have to say you need to stay home

Get a temporary sponsor. Schedule a visit with them ninety minutes after the event starts. Go for an hour to show face then go to your appointment with your sponsor.

If you must go to a place that is sole purpose is to party I would have to call someone before I went in and tell them what time Im expecting to leave. And then call them on the way out. I remember once early in sobriety when a teacher died and Iwent to the bar with the old crew after the funeral. I thought I would be ok and I was for an hour then it hits the others are getting that loose feeling and I remember running out of that tavern and It was like Alladdin when the lamp and the lion open their jaws wide open and I just missed the teeth and the disease that is alcoholism sank down into the desert. It was that close and I dont reccomend going back into the devils den. It isnt the actual booze but the way ppl are able to drink without being alcoholic. It is very dangerous
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Many thanks. Some excellent suggestions and giving them each consideration.

Hi Kevin, I know your post is a few days old now but I just wanted to say that I have been in that position so many times over the last 12 months. being a part of a big group of friends who like to party - we've have had some big birthday celebrations, engagements, stag and hen parties and we have a wedding coming up. Like you I didn't want to let anyone down so I put myself in some really horrible situations which lead to two relapses in a very short space of time but after 12 months of sobriety I was so bloody angry with myself. I have now made the hardest decision of my life and that is to put myself and my recovery first ...... (to some that may seem the easiest decision to make but unfortunately I have always been a people pleaser). I recently made the decision that I would no longer go anywhere that I didn't want to be for the sake of making someone else happy - regardless of the strength of that friendship or relationship. Your friend will know that you support them and if they know of your illness that will understand you being absent. I know that some sober alcoholics can socialise around drink - I can't and that's why I relapsed. Its each to their own but we must be comfortable in our own skin and if there is any doubt there whatsoever then its up to us to make the right decision. For me its to avoid that party or gathering altogether but Ill arrange to meet that friend on a one to one and have a coffee or meal out somewhere. Good luck. x

Update: So I attended the album release party for which I took photos that were used on the album cover and lyric sheet. Wonderful time seeing friends, musicians I know, and hearing tracks from the new CD, as well as taking photos of the event. However, I did slip and have champagne after I was done shooting, so it's back to day one for me on my ninth day of sobriety. No excuse, but I can't seem to resist drinking in a social situations yet. I felt that I had to go and support my client in this event, and glad I did, but my calendar is free of any similar obligations in the near future. I think it's going to take me months of sobriety before I'm able to resist this type of temptation to drink, blend and socialize. Thanks much for your support and it looks like those who cautioned me against going were right, but that's history now and this is day 1.

Ahhh yes the old champagne ... or more so the moment where I don't want to be different and want to be able to drink normally. That is the usual pitfall time. I have been in several cases where a toast is made. The glasses are handed out and before I know it a glass is in my hand. I simply salute , chink, clank then I will just set the glass down. Nobody forces me to drink. I call the shots these days. But it is very normal, and when asked what they were thinking the typical answer was, well I wasn't really thinking of anything.
You go in the barber shop, you will get a haircut...
1is2many

Ha, good point and I got shaved. Oh well, I learned something and now know better...

I try to remember​ that I'm human. If I slip up I'm not going to beat myself up over it...I will just have to try that much harder again. I know what the triggers are and I know that I need to avoid them until I'm able to handle them correctly. I'm only on day 8, and i know there is still a huge chance for me to slip but I'm just taking it one day at a time.

Thanks Bend. Starting day 6 today already so things are moving along and I like to think I learned a little more about myself the last time. Good hearing from you and continued success on your recovery!