The trouble is that you have stopped drinking but have not followed that up with action that will help you to deal with life. I wanted to do a lot of things when I was drinking and indeed started many things but they usually fell by the wayside because alcohol had to come first.

I think that I would still operate in that mould after I stopped drinking if I had not embraced that AA programme. Those regular things that you refer to are things that I strongly believed I could not do without having several drinks. Today, I dont have the same fears and have a lot more self-belief.

You will have trouble figuring out life until you take a look inside yourself and deal with things that need to be put right. Then you will come to know the real you and will come to accept and to love the person you are. The cycle can certainly be broken but it will take action on your part. You are denying yourself a lot of opportunities in life by not taking that action. It is the same solution that I have suggested a few times before, the 12 Step programme. It is not for everyone of course and there may be another way that suits you. At the very least you should check it out.

I was so full of fear that I was starting to stutter and mumble my words even when talking to one person. This morning I talked for twenty minutes to a room full of people and it was completely natural. Before this, the very thought of doing that would have given me sleepless nights. The programme is structured in such a way that there is really no limit to what you can get out of it, providing that you put something in.
Very often though, people shy away from it through fear. My suggestion to you is to at least get a sponsor and have a look at what you can do. If you dont like it you can still say no.

It takes all kinds to make a society function and the world go round - different strokes for different folks, just because you don't keep up with the Jones' does not mean you are not a contributing member. IMO - non contributing members of society are those that "take" from those that "do" - you are a "doer" -

You know how i feel about society and the rules placed by society on all individuals - not to keen of it - not really a rebel any more, but I have learned like I said, it takes all "doers" to make a society function -

You are a doer and not a taker - or not that i've seen or known of.

Peace!

I agree with PJ here. I made a decision to do things differently. I was willing to do anything to not drink.

I went to a Big Book Study meeting when I was just a couple of weeks sober and therein was my answer. It was as simple as that for me. There was a lot of stuff in there I could relate to. The person leading the study was wonderful.

That was when I decided that I wanted a sponsor who would take me through the steps that way who had been taken through the steps that way by her sponsor and it changed my life.

The Fellowship and meetings are wonderful and I had that for many years and stayed sober, but the steps are what brought me peace. I had tons of fear and anger even though I wasn't drinking.

xo

sounds like depression....

Anna,

I wonder if you would benefit more by spending as much with time with the Steps and meetings as you do on the computer? I mean that with all respect .

I don't know since there were no online sites like this when I sobered up, Thank God.

Gimme a break gr8 ;-) ...I am hardly on here anymore. Seriously, I have cut back tremendously. This was a DS binge. Lol.

bw... I don't think I am depressed. I don't feel unhappy for the most part, just discontented and a little broken. I do have unmedicated ADD which I think contributes to my problem - Trying to solve it naturally before meds.

PJ... I am in AA, have a new sponsor, and am more willing than ever to work at becoming a fully functional person. "Time takes time" says gjm... I like that.

Inner peace may be what I am after. Wkw and Cathy... maybe I will get that from the steps and maybe acceptance. I try to lower my expectations and what I get is distraction - I try not to think about my shortcomings.

Not sure. Hope the steps, GOYA, and some deliberate action help. One thing at a time. It just really frustrates me and make me want to check out, but I can't do that anymore.

Spunky - my inner peace arrived when I developed a relationship with God, when I took anger management classes and some spirituality counseling - Anger management was amazing - living with a lot of resent and frustration, maintained an i don't give a shit attitude in my life for so many years - when i read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyers and listen to her tv time and internet pod casts - and then i learned what i call the "art of forgiveness" this inner peace came over me - and it was a matter of changing my thinking and understanding what acceptance was all about.

you can find your inner peace too - I have faith in you.

My dearest of Anna's or i might consider you sister,,LOL.
All I do know is there are baby-step solutions for what you are experiencing.
First and foremost I have to wake up in the morning get on my knees and tell myself If I drink today, I will be dead or rooming with a steel bunk, I surrender.
I start my step 11 work immediately. This sets up the humble part of me that's forces myself to shut up and listen, always knowing that alcoholic mind is lurking in the background.
There is no figuring out life all you can do is not drink one day at a time. I break life on life's terms down into increments. I force myself to solve one problem at time, then when something good comes along it is great.
I train my brain Anna,
ex.) If i put a tool in a tool box I will sit their and meditate where I put it for probably 30 seconds.
OK, long story short work the steps with somebody that really lives the steps and you will come to know that by constantly working step 11 it will help you with steps 6 and 7.
I would suggest basic AA protocol with a good sponsor.

I certainly remember that and frankly it sucks. "The steps, GOYA, and some deliberate action" You said it right there. Just try to relax and take it easy knowing that what you seek is on it's way if you do your part. I promise.

I think that many of us in sobriety deal with this on a certain level. Some more than others, and some are more upfront and honest about it than others. It is not very fun to face the fact that while we were drinking-we were not learning how to deal with certain life issues! For me-it was my escape. I would be in a difficult work situation for example-and run in my head to my nightly beers to get me through. I did not face it-even when I was "sober" during the day. Booze will fix it later-

I also drank my inhibitions away in my romantic life. Feeling ugly> Drink. Feeling awkward? Drink. Sadly this prevented me from learning how to truly connect with another. I am having to start over with this. It is daunting!

I think that we all can get into denial about this too-as some of us maintained a very high level of functioning perhaps in one area of our life-and in secret let other areas fall to the wayside and go undeveloped.

Don't for a minute think you are alone in this! Just know that it is day by day progress-small things that matter. I keep a clean house now, and a daily schedule with a weekly to do list. THis took time! I never did this until I was 39!

Like they say-baby steps. Why do you think some people never quit! This reality of how much we missed sucks at first! But it is doable-and kind of fun to discover at times. xo

I relate completely. I never feel like i know what the hell im doing compared to my peers, especially now that im sober and noticing all the stuff i should know how to do but dont, but i know how to go through the motions of them, but things just seem a little off.... but from a basic human perspective, ive found that alot of people in general feel insecure about their life but i think us alkies have a harder time with it. maybe thats just me. and at least i know that you know how to dress yourself anna, lover of furry purses;)

structure is key. i love taking care of people in a sick way.....its great, seriously