Good Morning to all.
This may not get read ,it is a bit long but I found it interesting not sure of the Author . Maybe one other person may take the time to read it and start setting boundaries I know I had to.

God Bless.

Lionel




Boundaries are limits that say: "This is how far I shall go. This is what I will or will not do for you. This is what I will not tolerate from you."

Most of us began relationships with boundaries. We had certain expectations, and we entertained certain ideas about what we would or would not tolerate from those people. Alcoholism and other compulsive disorders laugh in the face of limits. The diseases not only push on our boundaries, they step boldly across them. Each time the disease pushes or steps across our limits we give in. We move our boundaries back, giving the disease more room to work. As the disease pushes more, we give in more until we are tolerating things we said we would never tolerate and doing things we said we would never do. Later, this process of "increased tolerance" of inappropriate behaviours may reverse. We may become totally intolerant of even the most human behaviours. In the beginning, we make excuses for a person's inappropriate behaviour; toward the end, there is no excuse.

Not only do many of us begin tolerating abnormal, unhealthy, and inappropriate behaviours, we take it one step further: convince ourselves these behaviours are normal and what we deserve. We may become so familiar with the verbal abuse and disrespectful treatment that we do not even recognise when these things are happening. But deep down inside, an important part of us knows. Our selves know and will tell us if we will listen. Sometimes living with subtle problems, such as a non drinking alcoholic who is not in any recovery program, can be harder on our selves than the more blatant problems. We sense something is wrong. We start feeling crazy, but we can not understand why because we can not identify the problem.

Co-dependents need boundaries. We need to set limits on what we shall do to and for people. We need to set limits on what we will allow people to do to and for us. The people we relate to need to know we have boundaries. It will help them and us. I am not suggesting we become tyrants. I also advise against absolute inflexibility, but we can understand our limits. As we grow and change, we may want to change our boundaries too. Here are some examples of boundaries common to co-dependants who are recovering.:
I will not allow anyone to physically or verbally abuse me.
I will not knowingly believe or support lies.
I will not allow chemical abuse in my home.
I will not allow criminal behaviour in my home.
I will not rescue people from the consequences of their alcohol abuse or other irresponsible behaviour.
I will not finance a person's alcoholism or other irresponsible behaviour.
I will not lie to protect you or me from your alcoholism.
I will not use my home as a detoxification center for recovering alcoholics.
If you want to act crazy that is your business, but you can not do it in from of me. Either you leave or I will walk away.
You can spoil your fun, your day, your life--that is your business--but I will not let you spoil my fun, my day, or my life.
Sometimes it is necessary to set a certain boundary that applies to a particular relationship, such as, "I will not baby-sit Mary Lou's children anymore, because I do not want to and she takes advantage of me in that area."
Set boundaries, but make sure they are our boundaries. The things we are sick of, can not stand, and make threats about, may be clues to some boundaries we need to set. They may also be clues to changes we need to make within ourselves. Mean what we say, and say what we mean. People may get angry at us for setting boundaries; they can not use us anymore. They may try to help us feel guilty so we will remove our boundary and return to the old system of letting them use or abuse you. Do not feel guilty and do not back down. We can stick to our boundaries and enforce them. Be consistent. We will probably be tested more than once on every boundary we set. People do that to see if we are serious, especially if we have not meant what we said in the past. As co-dependents, we have made many empty threats. We lose our level of tolerance, so the pendulum does not swing too far to either extreme.
Some co-dependents, particularly those of us in the latter stages of a relationship with an alcoholic, may find we have a difficult time setting and enforcing limits with children, as well as with troubled adults in our lives. Setting limits takes time and thought; enforcing limits takes energy and consistency.
But boundaries are worth ever bit of time, energy, and thought required to set and enforce them. Ultimately, they will provide us with more time and energy.