Maybe you do care, or you might not have posted this.

Self-destruct is not a great option.

Do you want to stop drinking? If not, little can be done about it, you are likely to continue. It seems a quick fix but it fixes nothing, just makes it a whole lot worse. You have realised this already. It can get to be a viscious circle. It starts to impact on everyone and everything around you too.

I am an alcoholic and I know where this goes, it's not pretty.

What do you want to do about it?

the elevator has a stopping point to get off now or continue down...chose where you get off the drunk binge cycle...one thing that helped me was to understand a progressive disease concept that it never gets better just worse...how low will you let yourself be taken? to the end of life? the big book says we have a hopeless state of mind and body that we can either seek recovery or blot things out to the bitter end with booze

Yeah, I can relate. I didn't care for a long time. I didn't care that I was drinking myself to death. For me, it was my salvation and saving me from those awful feelings I felt when I was sober. Disgust. Shame. Guilt. Neverending cycle. Day in and day out. Brutal.

It was utter despair that brought me to my knees. I had this moment of clarity and knew I didn't want to live like that anymore. I reached out for help and haven't had to pick up a drink since.

You're reaching out and that's a start. You can stop it here if you'd like.

The only thing I can guarantee is that things will get worse.
I always knew i was gonna get pretty out there, but my nightly goal was to not black-out.
Hell, it progressed to whole week black-outs,
I wish you the best with your situation, time will tell.

So sorry you are feeling this way. There are ways out. AA worked for me. Others have found recovery through other action but you need to TAKE action.
What do you plan to do?

Hard to admit we care because then we have to do something. Easier to say we dont care because then we can bury our heads in the sand and do nothing. I know this because I have done it many times. Danger is that when we finally realise we care it is too late. I have seen several people just before they died and believe me they cared then.

Hiding from life in a bottle is no way to live. I know, been there done that. You obviously care or you would not have posted. You won't know how to face what's bothering you to drink to black out unless you have a clear head and you know there's only one way to do that. Time's a waistin.

Honey - you're still a young lady with a lot of life ahead of you.

By the time you reach the point of black-out you are usually well into your drinking. And often by the time we get to that point - we don't much care anymore. I know that's how I felt.

Just for the heck of it why don't you take yourself to an AA meeting. I say that because AA worked for me. I didn't expect to enjoy the meetings but I did - very much. You won't find a nicer group of people than you will find at AA meetings, imo.

You will be welcomed, shown where the coffee and probably cookies are - and you will probably feel at home - I certainly did. In fact it was the first time I had felt at home in many years.

I was told that I would be loved until I could love myself - and that was true. Just give it a try - it can't hurt and you don't have to stay if you don't want to. And as previously said - there are other ways of getting sober - but I don't know if they are as much fun as AA can be. Good luck.