Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
I have been gone awhile but I'm not feeling good today. I'm almost 9 months sober, but about hit the bottle last night. I didn't. Trying to figure how to control my rage. My son lost a very special baseball glove of mine. Wife was gone, I freaked on him, she comes home drunk, and now I'm the bad guy. I never have or would physically hurt either one, and the guilt I feel today is hard to bear. He's scared ( like back when I drank) and she's mad. Then I get to go to work this morning and deal with my 73 year old alky father who runs the buisness and can smell booze on him at 9am after a simple errand. But that's a whole nuther codependent mess in my life. I will stay strong and try to do what's right , but it's getting hard to control.
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Dick Van Dyke’s path to sobriety was a turning point in his life and career. Here’s what happened:How He Got SoberStruggles and Realization: Van Dyke began drinking as a teenager, largely to cope with shyness and social anxiety. Alcohol made him feel more comfortable in social settings, but over time, his drinking spiraled out of control. By his mid-40s, he recognized that he had an addictive...
Is it possible that you are getting prior warnings that something needs to change in your way of thinking or you could be back to drinking again?
When you remove the alcohol and do not learn new ways to react, living sober can be a hard struggle. That is why many alcoholics turn to the Twelve Step programme of Alcoholics Anonymous which teaches you another way of dealing with people, places and things.
You are full of guilt because of what has happened but that guilt will disappear with time. Then you will have another day when things go wrong or people do not behave in the way that you would like them to behave and you will react badly, resulting in more guilt. That sort of cycle is a recipe for trouble and even on a good day you will be fighting against something or someone that annoys you.
Why not reflect on what has been happening and see if you need to change the way in which you think and react. It does not matter if the other person is right or wrong or who is to blame. By reacting in the way that you did, you are letting people live rent-free in your head. That is something that you can change but the changing involves a bit of learning on your part. The student who struggles with a difficult subject in college turns to a tutor for help and the knowledge and experience of the tutor makes it easier. Likewise you can turn to another alcoholic who has learned how to deal with sober living and copy what has worked for him. You will find such people at AA meetings.
It is good to be fore-warned about something but only if you act on the warning.
Your wife drinks, so does your dad. They aren't you, you can only keep your side of the street clean.
I too rage. i rage internally and used to take it out on myself.....its ironic you bring up this subject as I was just asked by a close friend what I now *do* with that rage? It caught me off guard as I wasnt sure...I'm not sure I process it well at all but I do know that exercise is a HUGE part of how I process it. Running, riding horses, lifting weights. All key to my peace of mind and body.
So anyway....no answers for you, just commiseration.
When I find myself in that sort of situation my natural inclination is to charge in, defend what I am doing and point out the other peoples faults. What I have learned and try to do these days is to pause for a while before doing anything. Then when I talk to the other people I try to look more at what part I played in the drama and where I was wrong instead of pointing out how they are wrong. It does not always work perfectly but when it does I get a great sense of satisfaction for being able to rise above the petty squabbles.
You did the right thing in not staying around to confront your father as it is likely that nothing good would come of it. Now, you have a chance to talk calmly to your wife and son and to apologise for your part, regardless of what they did or what they say to you. If you can do that you will be on your way to serenity and peace of mind.
Mayhaps that is part of the problem. Control. OK, your son did something wrong and you cut loose on him. Your wife took his side and was drunk to boot. Your AM encounter with your dad was little to no better.
Obviously if you had your way, your wife and dad would be sober. And your son left your things alone. But it ain't gonna happen anytime soon.
You might think to a bit of serenity prayer. You cannot change them, but you sure can change you...
Hugs,
Dennis
If you are patient in one moment of anger, you
will escape a hundred days of sorrow.
-- Chinese Proverb.
Anger, if not restrained, is frequently more
hurtful to us than the injury that provokes it.
-- Seneca.
The greatest remedy for anger is delay.
-- Seneca.
For every minute you remain angry, you give
up sixty seconds of peace of mind.
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal
with the intent of throwing it at someone else;
you are the one who gets burned.
-- Buddha.
People who fly into a rage always make a bad
landing.
-- Will Rogers.
Speak when you are angry and you will make
the best speech you will ever regret.
-- Ambrose Bierce.
Consider how much more you often suffer
from your anger and grief, than from those
very things for which you are angry and
grieved.
-- Marcus Antonius.
Do not teach your children never to be angry;
teach them how to be angry.
-- Lyman Abbott.
How much more grievous are the
consequences of anger than the causes of it.
-- Marcus Aurelius.
Two things a man should never be angry at:
what he can help, and what he cannot help.
-- Thomas Fuller.
When a man is wrong and won't admit is, he
always gets angry.
-- Thomas Haliburton.
There was never an angry man that thought
his anger unjust.
-- St. Francis De Sales.
Anger is what makes a clear mind seem
clouded.
-- Kazi Shams.
No man can think clearly when his fists are
clenched.
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I can also very much relate to the feeling of dry drunkeness. I went two years once but had to drink again because the pressure built up so high I was going to explode .. Or drink. I drank.
The solution for me was to find a room of drunks that had figured out ways to deal with life. And honestly once the booze was gone the problems dramaticly and quickly stopped.
You have a chance. Just figure out a way to learn how to cope. U can do it.
1is2many