Hello Needhelp4me2quit,

Not sure if I should chime in here but I will risk it anyway.

When I was drinking I could have listed dozens of reasons that made good sense to me and hopefully would convince other people that I deserved or earned a few drinks. Menopause would have been pushing the boat out a bit far but I would have used just about any reason to justify taking a drink. Granted I did not experience the difficult situations that you mentioned but there were plenty of other life problems. The aha moment came when I learned that I drank as I did for only one reason I had become an alcoholic. All other reasons for drinking were secondary and not really relevant.

Over the last six and a bit years I have come to know some remarkable people in AA who have coped with the most awful family tragedies. These people did not drink and remarkably, they did not become bitter or resentful either, although quite naturally they were sometimes angry with life.

Therefore, I would say that the alcoholism fire does not need any fuel it is fired by an obsession of the mind that will always find a reason to justify drinking.

PJ54,
Thank you. That's the clarity I need.

Personally I think a desire to not drink and some action directed at that leaves one.in a far greater position to pay attention to their other needs that may need addressed without trying to make this a black and white issue. Unless of course you are in the late stages of Alcoholism then as Bill W.writes it even more urgent to make a far greater effort. They also wrote this which helps to define the stages one may be at that may stir the embers of the fire to escape reality because of many reasons whether they are fancied or real which may be just as valid whether the obsession is present or not.

Generalizing is just like advice it can help or hinder given your own reality. AA's literature tries to be real careful on how they have worded things so as to not cause greater harm because of all the variables that may be connected to Alcoholism on a individual basis.
Billy

They Stopped in Time

Among todays incoming A.A. members, many have never reached the advanced stages of alcoholism, though given time all might have.

Most of these fortunate ones have had little or no acquaintance with delirium, with hospitals, asylums, and jails. Some were drinking heavily, and there had been occasional serious episodes. But with many, drinking had been little more than a sometimes uncontrollable nuisance. Seldom had any of these lost either health, business, family, or friends.

Why do men and women like these join A.A.?

The seventeen who now tell their experiences answer that question. They saw that they had become actual or potential alcoholics, even though no serious harm had yet been done.
They realized that repeated lack of drinking control, when they really wanted control, was the fatal symptom that spelled problem drinking. This, plus mounting emotional disturbances, convinced them that compulsive alcoholism already had them; that complete ruin would be only a question of time.

Seeing this danger, they came to A.A. They realized that in the end alcoholism could be as mortal as cancer; certainly no sane man would wait for a malignant growth to become fatal before seeking help.

Therefore, these seventeen A.A.s, and hundreds of thousands like them, have been saved years of infinite suffering. They sum it up something like this: We didnt wait to hit bottom because, thank God, we could see the bottom. Actually, the bottom came up and hit us. That sold us on Alcoholics Anonymous.

I used to tell my husband if not for him I probably wouldn't have to drink. What a crock that was. I've gone through menopause as well. Other than initial moodiness, not a problem.Most likely because I'm sober. At 2 1/2 yrs sober, I also sought out a psychologist to sort out other issues and continued working with him for 2 yrs.

If I've learned one thing it's this: It was my right arm that got me drunk. Nobody held a gun to my head. So it was my responsibility to sober up by any means possible. AA worked best for me and continues to. Best wishes, Dianna

It's an out. If anything, menopause is even more of reason NOT to drink.

I was drinking heavily while I went through menopause. I also had experienced a lot of personal lose and was in a miserable work situation.

I definitely didn't have a horrific bout like many women have had. However, it was unpleasant enough as it was and I'm sure that drinking didn't help.

If anything, it made things WORSE, especially the night sweats and mood swings. At the time, my confused brain didn't know if what I was going through was due to alcohol, menopause, depression and anxiety or all of the above. Therefore, I wasn't sure what to treat. (Giving up drinking wasn't an acceptable option to me at the time.) So, I decided to "treat" the symptoms with HRT and having my doctor's NP adjust my meds.

That led to a downward spiral which I have finally pulled myself out of. Now that I am on the "other side" of menopause and hopefully, drinking, as well as being on newer, safer medications, I am trying to repair some of the damage. Instead of buying wine, I now use some of that money towards a new skin care product, etc. FAR MORE REWARDING!! You see positive results not remorse and guilt when you look in the mirror.

"The change" really does a number on your entire body. You need to take extra special care of yourself and drowning in booze doesn't help.

My biggest issue is tinnitus. : (

Thank you everyone for your replies.

I think I can sum it up like this: menopause is bad, but alcoholism is worse. Drinking alcohol because you feel "sorry" for yourself and your life situation is never a good strategy. Regardless of the nature of the issue or problem.

Agreed. For someone who is going through menopause right now I know that a drink will not help.

I am so sorry about what you are going through.

You are in my thoughts.