I knew it when I couldn't go any amount of time without drinking - and I did really stupid things when I drank...

Usually if you are asking yourself that question, there is certainly a chance that it is true. "Normal" drinkers don't often ask themselves that question. It sort of like if I randomly walk past a magazine rack and see a Playboy cover and then ask myself if I am a sex addict.

Heavy drinkers and alcoholics can, on the surface, look the same. But the heavy drinker can usually shut it down if sufficient motivation is there - partner threatens to leave, job security, court order, intervention, birth of a child, etc. Heavy drinkers can even moderate.

Alcoholics can't do the above.

We don't "scare straight". We also get worse with time - alcoholism is a progressive, fatal illness. We take hostages with our drinking. We have the mental obsession that makes us think about our next drink, when we are drinking next, how to get the next drink. Our physical allergy causes us to want more and more after that first sip - we cannot control the amount of alcohol that we drink once we get it into our system. Also, no matter how honestly we want to quit, we find we cannot.

Does any of this sound familiar?

I knew years before I stopped drinking that I was an alcoholic. I drank in secret, drank in the morning, drank at work, isolated myself, my tolerance was deadly, my actions and thoughts became more and more insane, I was always either hungover and had a glow going on, I couldn't sleep well, I had panic attacks, I was depressed, had anxiety...I could go on and on.

Only you can decide if you're an alcoholic.

Have you checked out an AA meeting or spoken to anyone about this?

Hello akacountrygirl,

There is no test that will tell you for certain if you are an alcoholic or not but there are plenty of pointers. People who are not alcoholics rarely ask the question about whether they are alcoholic or not and people who are alcoholics often maintain that they are not, so it can get pretty confusing.

In order to clear away the confusion it is useful to start off by learning what makes someone an alcoholic. People who have become alcoholics are said to suffer from a two-fold illness and understanding the nature of this illness may help you to decide where you stand. I will give you an example below of how it may work.

The first component of alcoholism is an obsession of the mind where alcohol is concerned. This develops over a period of time, usually without the knowledge of the drinker. You may have started off by taking a few drinks in order to relax in the evening; maybe to deal with bad days at work; because of difficulties in a relationship or any one of many other reasons. Taking a few drinks made you feel good and the world seemed like a nicer place. The message goes into your subconscious mind that alcohol helps to restore your emotional balance and this information is stored away for use at a later time. Drinking becomes heavier and perhaps more regular and starts to cause problems. Then you decide that you have to cut back or stop drinking completely and so you stop. All may be well for a few days or even for weeks or months and you will promise yourself that you will never go back to that hell again. Then something happens that puts the emotions out of balance (anger, jealousy, fear, joy etc.) and the mind remembers. The message from your brain will remind you that when you felt like that in the past, a few drinks helped to solve the problem and so you will reach for a drink once again. This process is repeated over and over until eventually alcohol becomes the solution to everything. At the start a few drinks helped you to deal with life but now you cannot live without alcohol.

This mental obsession for alcohol would not be a problem except for the second component of alcoholism. Somewhere along the way a person who has become fond of alcohol comes to a point in the journey where a line is crossed and he or she can never go back to being a normal drinker. This person develops an abnormal physical reaction to alcohol and this can be compared to an allergy. If you develop an allergy to strawberries you may break out in a rash and suffer other unpleasant symptoms every time that you eat strawberries. The abnormal reaction to alcohol does not cause a nasty rash (unless you get up to other naughty stuff afterwards) but instead it causes a strong craving to develop in the body for more alcohol. The only way to satisfy the craving is to take another drink and this second drink doubles the craving so a third drink is needed etc. Normal drinkers do not have this physical craving and that is why they can have one or two drinks and happily leave it at that.

How then do you determine if you have developed this mental obsession and physical craving? Well, you can test the obsession by not drinking for a few days or for longer. Would you be happy to go off booze for a whole year or would the thought fill you with terror? The obsession will cause you to find reasons to drink and very often those reasons will seem to be completely genuine to you. Perhaps you will go to a shop where alcohol is sold but you will convince yourself that you are going there to buy something else; maybe you will go for a meal in a place where alcohol is served rather than going to a dry venue the list is endless.

Once you give in to the obsession and take one drink, the craving for more kicks in immediately. Consequently, although you promised yourself or promised someone else that you would have only one or two drinks, you will end up having many more. A normal drinker will often get tipsy and giggly after a couple of drinks and she may say: Leave me out this time I think I have enough or Take me home, Im not feeling too well. An alcoholic will say: Make mine a double. Because of this craving an alcoholic will often drink too much but will still feel that it is not enough.

That is a crude example of how alcoholism works. Can you go without drinking for days or longer? Can you then take one or two drinks and have no more for that day? Can you feel happy drinking in that way (like a normal drinker) or does it make you feel on edge and easily irritated? Do you feel that when you are in company that your friends are drinking too slowly?

There are online questionnaires that will help you to answer the question.
Google: john hopkins 20 questions alcoholism

Try to be as honest as possible as you answer the questions. Remember too that a high percentage of heavy drinkers go on to develop alcoholism so even if you conclude that you are not an alcoholic you may still have cause for concern.

Btw, I used to do those online: Are you an alcoholic questionnaires and would answer Yes to about 18 or 19 questions. I still maintained that I was not an alcoholic and that those questionnaires were not accurate anyway. I dont have any doubts today.

i think i have alcoholism and picked up again at middleage and could not stop myself from buying beer and drinking it.

For me the best I know is this:

'If when you honestly want to you find you cannot quit entirely or, if when drinking you have little control over the amount you take, you are probably alcoholic.'

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think I am an alcoholic...I think I am just having trouble accepting it.
All signs point to the fact that I do have a drinking problem....I just don't know how much of one. I quit drinking 11 months ago due to my health. (liver disease)...now ....I just want to be normal, have an occasional drink, and not worry that it will kill me if I do. Can anyone relate?

Have been in A.A. for 11 months....Maybe I haven't hit my bottom....Health scare feels like just that.
If I drink...my liver doesn't get any better.
If I continue to smoke my lungs don't get better either.
Have trouble with depression and heath.....just looking for a way to Feel better. thanks again

Hello akacountrygirl,

You dont have to wait until you hit any bottom before taking action, although liver disease seems like a serious enough reason to me.

I would like to be able to drink but I know that even if there was some magic cure for alcoholism I would get nothing from drinking like those normal drinkers. For me it would be all-out drinking like it was before or not drinking at all. Today, I dont give it much thought one way or the other and I dont care about alcohol. If someone had said to me when I started going to AA that I would feel this way about drinking I would have said they were crazy.

You too can change the way that you feel about alcohol. If you are an alcoholic and keep drinking there is a good chance that it will indeed kill you. Again, a few years ago I didnt believe that people died from alcoholism and thought it was just scaremongering. I have been to quite a few funerals since that time of people who died as a result of untreated alcoholism and the saddest part is that they need not have died.

The first step in the recovery journey is admitting that you are an alcoholic and you may be at that stage now. After admitting it you will need to decide on what you are going to do. For me, that meant going to AA meetings but it also meant making full use of what AA has to offer. The solution to the drinking problem is available to you but you wont do it on your own. Getting an understanding of Step 1 with the aid of a good sponsor was enough to convince me that drinking was no longer an option, if I wanted to keep breathing.

The options that you have are quite simple. You can drink on and suffer the consequences (liver disease, insanity, death etc.) or you can get the help that you need to get sober. There is no in-between position, just those two options. Which one are you going to choose?

I knew I had a problem when I'd stop, then I'd obsess about booze. I don't remember when that started specifically but for years I could drink with friends, then not drink for a few days, a few weeks, whatever. I didnt give it much thought. Then it became that I'd want to drink. And then I'd want to stop. And when I'd stop I'd *really* want to drink. Obsession of the mind, physical allergy, spiritual malady. Yep, I had it all.

Only you can decide that. I would agree with try not drinking for a while and see how that goes. But as far as physical things, drinking more than most people you are around, being able to tolerate more alcohol than others, hiding how much you drink from others, doing stupid things, blacking out. When you are drinking trying to escape feelings. There are so many things. Life is just better without it if you think you may have a problem that's a big step. Ask questions and try to do what you feels appropriate. It's much better that you find out and do something about it yourself than the cops and Judge making you, or many other not so nice ways. Good luck to you!!

When you find yourself asking that question...

i just figure i am. dont even know how to try and control the amount i drink and it takes me under.