Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi,
My name is Dan. I have been sober for a year now. Man has it been a struggle. My year of sobriety has been achieved through AA. Although I have found a life without alcohol, I am still unhappy most of the time. I find Alcoholics anonymous very difficult to be a part of. I am all for living a spiritual way of life, a life based on principles like honesty and forgiveness, which I believe is what AA is all about it. But for some reason I cannot find a home there, like I have see so many others do. I never really feel comfortable. At times I feel like I am in a different world in alcoholics anonymous. For example, I get very irritated when I hear another sponsee of my sponsor just repeats things he heard our sponsor say. I'm thinking...dude, our sponsor just said that yesterday, can't u be original. I also am very much against many ideas about alcoholism that people in AA come up with. I don't really know where I am going with this post, this is actually my first post. I'm really just throwin it out there, because this is something I have struggled with throughout my sobriety. I'd love to hear for both aa and non aa members. Thanks.
My name is Dan. I have been sober for a year now. Man has it been a struggle. My year of sobriety has been achieved through AA. Although I have found a life without alcohol, I am still unhappy most of the time. I find Alcoholics anonymous very difficult to be a part of. I am all for living a spiritual way of life, a life based on principles like honesty and forgiveness, which I believe is what AA is all about it. But for some reason I cannot find a home there, like I have see so many others do. I never really feel comfortable. At times I feel like I am in a different world in alcoholics anonymous. For example, I get very irritated when I hear another sponsee of my sponsor just repeats things he heard our sponsor say. I'm thinking...dude, our sponsor just said that yesterday, can't u be original. I also am very much against many ideas about alcoholism that people in AA come up with. I don't really know where I am going with this post, this is actually my first post. I'm really just throwin it out there, because this is something I have struggled with throughout my sobriety. I'd love to hear for both aa and non aa members. Thanks.
Is this the case?
Anyway, how far are you into the programme? This stuff is simple but not easy as it demands a lot of self examination and, most importantly, developing a completely new way of living where the focus and reliance is upon God (or your equivalent) and not upon self. It's a stinker at the start but further along I found I was getting free of a lot of the stuff that kept me down in the pits.
A lot of people said "look for the similarities, not the differences." Stuff like that was good advice although I didn't thank them for it when I was new around.
There are many paths to sobriety, AA is but one of them.....
I too was miserable for the first year of my sobriety. As a matter of fact, I'm lucky I didn't kill anyone. I don't know about you but I drank for many years and didn't become so disturbed quickly but I sure did want to feel better quickly. I hated AA and all the old people in it and I used to say "I want my life back". However, I figured I had nothing to lose by doing the steps and really trying for a few years before going back to my depressive hell. Different never feels good at first. I have been sober 6 years now and by 5 years I was well established in my group with sponsees and happiness I never imagined. Give it a try, your miserly is gladly refunded if it doesn't work after awhile.
I've been really irritable, not in meetings, but with people and situations since getting sober. I'm on day 96 so early days.
I actually really have been mad a few times in meetings. Once when someone cross talked and basically told me to "get over myself" after my share, when I picked her to share next. It upset me, but when I thought about it, talked to my sponsor about it, realized it upset me 'cause she had my number. I was obsessing, I was making myself out of proportion.
Usually, not always yet, when I'm irritated or angry I can see its with my own defects I see in others. Hard stuff to see/ stomach.
Anyway, good luck, and glad you shared that!
If you are getting a lot of rules from your sponsor that are not resonating with you - you might want to find a sponsor that you are more in tune with. This can be one of the toughest things we do in AA - finding a person that is good for our sobriety to help us along the way. Sponsors come in all sizes, shapes, and forms and they don't all view sobriety exactly the same way.
Good luck in finding your way.
Yes, there are many others who ..through whatever reasons...do and say what there sponsor does and says. That just may be a reflection on the sponsor and on the sponsee. Control issues maybe?? I sponsor 2 people currently and as I know that I am powerless over other people I know the best thing that I can do for them and for myself is to allow them to be themsleves and free them to empower themselves.
Its all just been a process for me. From a person who could hardly string 2 words together when I first came around, I am now in a position where if I choose to I can speak my mind and say what I reall believe in ...and that does not have to be the AA norm. Is that okay. You had better believe it is. For me it is anyway. If there is a Loving Power in this Universe..and in oursleves. Whch I believe tere is. Would they want me t toe the line through fear or, to speak my mind and say what I believe in. I know the latter.
The person who speaks there 'truth' is attractive to me no matter what they say. That is the principle of being sober ..to free ourselves to be in alignment with our truth.
Keep on speaking your truth. do not let others exclude you be cause you dont speak there truth. As someone said previously there is a Big Spirit of Love in this Universe and...its not just exclusive to AA. Being sober is great as I can open my mind to allowing in different information..that is and has been helpful to my spiritaul development that i may not have been given in AA.
The best thing I can do is to allow others to "say what they want and do what they want", On the flip side, .."I free myself to say what I want and do what I want sober to be the best me". Dont be a sheep in amongst a big flock. Be yourself. The thing is, when we do that others are attracted to that as well. I believe that I supressed my carcqahter/personality hrough fear. Fear of what others would think of me etc. I need to and want to think good of myself and ..when I dont think good of others its pssibly a reflection on me and I need to look at me. I pray for others when I need to I speak to others to get perspective. I share at meetings with other people. All good for any person in this world ..never mind in AA... for there mental and spiritual health.
Stay sober ..and keep being the best you. Do whatever you need to to Get happy and feel Good in your sober life. All the best pal.
Welcome ... we are glad your here.
I spent almost 5 yrs. going in & out of AA ( relapsing ... trying to prove them / AA wrong ... and trying to do things my way ) ...
I was never happy & wasn't getting much from the program.
... I now have 4 + yrs. in AA of continuous sobriety & was able to
get off alcohol, kick a nasty prescription drug habit, a long love affair with Pot ... and I LOVE IT !
If you hang in there ... some of the things you don't like, or agree
with, will not only bother you less ... you'll actually embrace.
As you continue your journey ... your perspective on things will change.
When you change the way you look at things ...
the things you look at change.
Going to different meetings is almost mandatory ...
highly recommended ...
I enjoy going to different meetings ( different groups ) ...
but I only have this ' just right fit ... at MY home group '.
My home group is NOT the closest meeting to my house ...
but it is the most comfortable & best fit for me.
After selecting a home group ... if I was ever going to really GET
THIS ... I HAD TO BECOME A PART OF IT. I had to read, share, & chair ... I was NOT allowed to sit back & critique everyone else ... they insisted I become a part of things, & if I didn't like something ... it was my job to try and make it
a little better.
Naturally when they implemented some of MY IDEAS the quality
and content improved dramatically... lol.
Different never feels good at first.
Early on ( first year or so ) ... I was pretty uncomfortable.
I WAS NOT WHO I USED TO BE ...
and I WAS NOT WHO I WAS GONNA BE ...
I had a major identity crisis
As for the people who ANNOY you.
I was told to get out paper & pen ...
write their name at the top of a sheet of paper ...
& TAKE THEIR INVENTORY ...
when I was finished ...
I was told to ' scratch out their name .... replace it with mine .... '
and get to work !
Wishing you the best,
Jack / j
Gailly ... you fooled me completely with that line about ...
knowing his sponsor ... I bought it hook, line & sinker ...
.... good one.
Good job on a year sober, but sorry it is such a struggle. If AA isn't a good fit for you, then why not look into other programs?
You can try SMART Recovery:
http://www.smartrecovery.org/
I am not in AA, and I also hang out at a DS subgroup that I find helpful:
http://www.dailystrength.org/groups/alcoholrecoverywithout12steps
Glad you found DS -- welcome!