Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
My husband is an alcoholic who is in denial. He is an amazing father and a good husband. There is no doubt that he loves and cares for us, which I am so grateful for. He drinks everyday, with excessive drinking during the weekends or on holidays - on such days he becomes extremely disorientated (memory loss, fierce agressive beahviour whilst sleeping - it's as if there is someone that wants to injure/hurt in his dream which he is trying to fight off), the party animal (drinking spree, the urge to go out, loud, unruly), he is so outspoken and rude and verbally abusive. He is now regarded as the resident drunk :-( I am so embarassed to be out with him. It is now affecting my teenage boy as my husband often drinks with the other dads from his school (they know their limits however he doesn't).
I have spoken to him so many times and he promises to cut down. I don't think that he acually can. He refuses to seek help and I am now at the end of the road, I'm so emabrassed - it is taking a toll on me - I'm now starting to dislike him.
I don't have anyone that I can speak to. I'm close to my sister and mum, however I feel that if they know this wil have an adverse impact on their relationship with him. I look at his dad who also displays such behaviour when he drinks excessively - his mum has lived with this for many years and at times I can see the embarassment in her. She herself is in denial and hence I cannot speak to them about their son.
I am at a crossroad - My husband is a good person and I desparately need advice on how I can help him!
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
The first thing I would say is that you can have hope for the future, although things may not work out exactly as you would like. This is a subject that has been covered fairly extensively in other threads here over recent times and the same sort of advice will apply here, so have a read over those other posts. There are two separate issues to consider – your husband’s drinking and the effect that it is having on you, and both are equally important.
Your husband’s drinking is likely to get worse and it is something that you cannot fix. He needs to want recovery for himself but no drinker likes to admit to a loss of control over alcohol and many will, therefore live in denial for as long as possible. It is probable that your husband is confused and frightened as he knows that his drinking is out of control but he cannot see how he can live without alcohol. Access to accurate information is crucial but the difficulty is in getting an alcoholic to look for such information. Encourage your husband to go to AA meetings and also to have a look at the video at the link below. Also, the Big Book (Alcoholics Anonymous) is available to read for free online.
The second issue is how your husband’s drinking is affecting you and this is something that you do have control over. In dealing with an alcoholic partner, most people are out of their depth and despite good intentions, many will take the wrong approach and will, in fact make the problem worse rather than better. Therefore, you too would benefit greatly from talking face to face with other people who are dealing with the same problem. You will find such people at Al-Anon meetings so I would urge you to look up Al-Anon in your area.
You can learn to love the alcoholic but not the alcoholism and to detach with love. Your life does not have to be defined by your husband’s drinking and that is where you can have hope for the future.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMC62Y_5dyE
My mom is a gambling addict and stole a ton of money from me, her dad was an alcoholic, and now I'm an alcoholic...so remain aware that alcoholism is a brain disorder but the personality traits that come with it are often learned as well. Your son is seeing all of this...keep that in mind. You can learn to love him from afar, but I'd be taking my teen and moving out. Not in anger or spite, and when your son asks why, say dad drinks too much and it's unhealthy to be around. Nothing wrong with that and you don't have to cut his dad down either.
Everyday I wrestle to try to not be like my mom, to ensure I don't fall back into my drinking ways....don't keep your son in that situation.
He was a prominent business man in the community and when his clients called, the family would try to hide his drinking, and lie about his whereabouts when he was past out. Eventually, everyone knew because it became too difficult to hide anymore. Lost business translated into financial problems, unpaid bills, lawsuits, and loss of home.
Alcoholism has been called a family disease! I was negatively affected and developed my own addiction problems later in life. Thankfully, I went through treatment and AA which saved my life, but I had to go through hell to get me to the point where I would accept help. My wife kicked me out of the house and called the cops who gave me a choice of detox or jail. It was an easy choice to make and that day became the first day of the rest of my life! 9 years later, I have a great life and I have no regrets.
You can see what the alcohol is doing to your husband, but LOOK and what his drinking is doing to YOU! You need alot of support for yourself and alanon is a great place to find that support. You can google meetings in your area. You will learn how to help your husband without enabling him and you will learn many other helpful tips based on the experience of others who are dealing with the same things as you are.
We will keep you in our thoughts and prayers!
God Bless!