After I accepted that AA was a good way of life and was here so I wouldn't have to struggle from my alcoholism, it's purpose became very clear.  

After I accepted the hard reality that drinking, for me personally, was always going to hurt areas of my life that were vital to my happiness and survival, seeing AA as the crutch it might take to regain a sense of normalcy became clear.  

I don't give enough credit to AA, and I just thought it would be good to do so today.  The reason AA has been so productive in my life is the principles it contains in its foundation that enriches my life to a point where I can think in correct ways and behave in manners that are very healthy for me and those around me.

I also think it is very important to note that due to the anxiety around my not having a solution for my alcoholism, I often smoked weed, because I felt it was the lesser of the two evils and since I was not physically addicted to it, there was no fear of me using too much.  It turns out that marijuana completely twisted my brain chemistry to where it did distort my ability to understand who and what was the real help.  I think it is very important to state honestly that I probably didn't get AA or what AA was aiming to do because my brain had to be free from marijuana and distant from the effects of marijuana, for me to see it as valuable as it has become.  I am very anti-weed now, and I know that is a personal decision that if implemented might not be a one size fits all accord, but I have to admit that marijuana probably contributed to me not being able to get sober earlier in life, when I probably needed to more so than I eventually did. 

I think it is also very important to state that cocaine never was a powerful enough force in my life to either use habitually or make routine, heroin was a drug that left no doubt of how it could make me feel great physically, but also left no doubt that using it everyday makes little sense, and I did meth once, thinking it was coke, and absolutely nothing happened.  I say that to say this, each time I used alcohol, something magical happened, and I thought life began with each first drink.  All of that helped me learn that I was predisposed to alcoholism and being an alcoholic, it was meant to be from God, and that I was not predisposed to being a drug addict, although if I were to have abused any of the drugs mentioned before, I do believe I could have manipulated my mind to believe I needed them, through a lie, but not the physical allergy AA talks about where an alcoholic craves the alcohol.  Seeing me abuse drugs, as more a willful design to rebel was a completely different story than knowing when I drink alcohol, it makes me so "well" I want to rebel little to none at all.  That was just a little history of my experience living a life that included alcohol and drugs, and part of the reason why after breaking the delusion that I was in fact the alcoholic described by AA, things fell in line correctly extremely fast.  All I had to do was conceed, and I became the real me, and being the real me was the only me God wanted me to be. 

Here are some of the gifts the AA program through it's steps have given me and will continue to give others through me, if God so chooses and I continue to do my job of maintaining my sobriety.    

A comprehension of a need for empathy, and then sympathy if I can't empathize, or the idea that giving up on my own wants and desires for the greater good of those around me, has gone a long way since I stopped drinking years ago, and continues to go in the right direction now, which I am sure is going to go in the exact direction it needs to go into so I will maintain an attitude of grace, compassion, and thinking of others before myself. 

The first step taught me the need for humility in an often confusing and never perfect world.  The second step taught me to believe with all your energy is much better than being a skeptic.  The third step always teaches me that trusting those who care and love you is the right path towards becoming stronger.  The fourth step taught me that I was the problem, when people, places, and things saw a problem, and that seeing a problem clearly means I will have the ability to see the solution clearly as well.  The fourth step also taught me the value of clarity, mental clarity of what is really going on inside my mind when living with a disease or the dormancy of a repressed disease.  The fifth step taught me that it is ok to claim being imperfect, and that it is ok if you fail at life when ignorant, and my failures don't equate to the end of the world like my ego presents them to do.  The fifth step also taught me that others hearing of the failures can give you a different perspective on failure, and that it doesn't mean that failure once upon a time means failure will happen all the time, failure can be as temporary as I want it to be as long as I am humble, believe, trust, am honest, and want to do better all the time.

The sixth step taught me of how stubborn my mind will be when not inclined to be driven towards solutions.  Refusing to change in a way that benefits others is exhausting, because subconsciously I know I am wrong, but consciously I am fighting to maintain my selfishness as if it is right, so the sixth step also teaches me to keep an open mind and be willing to not have an opinion on change I cannot prevent from happpening.  If I can't stop it from happening, there has got to be some good directing it to happen. 

The seventh step is kind of like the cousin to the first step for me, and it has to do with humility again, and this time instead of telling another person of my failure like in step five, I use the knowledge the steps have brought thus far to sit and know that God is God, and God knows I am needing to heal from my failure and defect.  The eighth step is cool because I get to see who I hurt, and see why I hurt them, and most of the time I see that not treating my alcoholism or not being able to treat my alcoholism did most of the harm, so the eight step for me gives me hope, hope that harms can heal, and once they do heal they can stay healed.  The ninth step was very enriching for me, and it allowed people I relate with daily to trust me more, to be more honest with me, to see me as dependable when they once saw me as a bum, and no good. 

The tenth step is neat because I get to survey progress, and ask myself hard questions like if I am wasting time doing this or that, or if I am living a pipe dream thinking something is right or wrong?  I get to produce intimate honesty inside of myself and develop a real protocol that will see others I see daily as people to be treated with respect, gratitude, and understanding.  The eleventh step allows me to work on my anxiety and frustation, and reminds me that I am not God, that God is the giver of grace and I get what I get exactly when it comes to me, and sometimes that is a massive amount of wisdom that can be frightening, and sometimes it is nothing which can be irritating, but nevertheless I am in a position, where if God needs to inspire it, it will happen. 

The twelve step is by far the hardest step, and I see no coincidence why they say "try" to carry the message.  The great part of the 12 step is it indirectly asks me to practice incorporating the steps into my comprehension and cognition, again, so it can massage it's greatness into my brain, and be there forever. 

AA has turned out to be very real, and the complete opposite of what I thought it would be when drinking.  So give it a try, and commit to it if you're at a point where you are completely unknowing of what to do, it might work wonderfully for you too.