Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
AA and my sponsor have both been pissing me off lately. The meetings help, they do but I hear people regurgitating the same crap over and over again, I can tell some people mean it but some people have just learned the right things to say..."working the steps" "I'm not special" "I'm terminally unique" I don't know I've been off and on about AA since I started. Part of it is very helpful and part of it is very scary. I found a sponsor and he's a really nice guy but he's been really weird lately. He texts me these inspirational quotes once in a while and I can reach out to him but he's been having issues with his kids using. He used to be at all of the meetings I go to an now he's only at about half. He's been harping on me to meet with him even though we chat for a while at the meetings and are in contact via text every day. I work 40 hours a week, go to the gym 5 days a week, see family a couple times, and have an active lifestyle. I get AA is important but I'm not about to start neglecting hobbies that keep me sober to keep doing AA stuff. He keeps telling me it's about how FAR I'm willing to go to stay sober. Well snowboarding helps me stay sober, what's wrong with that. I guess I could drive down to Mexico to go to an AA meeting, that's willing to go pretty far to stay sober. He got upset because I thought our group did a workshop and he said one another town away does and I questioned him saying I thought our group did and he took it that I was being lazy and didn't want to go out of my way to attend the workshop.
I was doing great until things kinda got weird with him. Then I felt my mind kinda go screw all this cult stuff, I have an active life and a support system. I feel like he thinks I'm using and am lying about it or something, just the way he is acting it's obvious he thinks something is up. That's what's pissing me off. Anyone I'm close to knows I've come a long way and that I'm doing great. It's like AA is never enough. I can never do ENOUGH to satisfy these people. First I wasn't going to any meetings, which is a huge no-no. Then I started going to 2 meetings a week, but then they want me to go to 3 meetings. I started doing that and that's not enough, I'm supposed to go out to eat with everyone after and develop "fellowship." Sorry, I work in the morning and am on a budget, I can't afford to eat out 3 times a week and stay up until midnight on a weeknight. So they're upset about that because I'm not "putting myself out there." Then he wants to meet and I suggest doing it on the weekend and he sends me a snarky text saying he has the time "when I decide to be available." It's like jesus christ realize how far I've come and don't keep trying to take nickle and dime me on everything. It's really frustrating. I feel like they're trying to pressure me out of my hobbies so I can be more involved. Isn't the idea to not drink? Not to stop everything you do that normal people do and define your life by your alcoholism?
The people in AA are very nice and helpful and we've been through some similar stuff. But I've met plenty of people in treatment who are still sober and have similar reservations as I do with AA. I don't think there is one simple solution or a one size fits all approach. I also am starting to have a problem with calling myself an Alcoholic at every meeting. I believe in the law of attraction. So say I keep calling myself an alcoholic, then I become an alcoholic. Say I can handle having two drinks and stopping. After I've called myself an alcoholic for 6 months straight, after beer #2 I'm most likely going to say "I'm an alcoholic, alcoholics drink until the beer is gone." If I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and say "I don't deserve a healthy relationship, guess what's going to happen?"
Now I'm not trying to offend anyone. AA has done wonders for me, I just think it's getting a little carried away. I'm not about to quit going, I still feel better about myself after a meeting. I'm just upset that people are being very unrealistic about it. I also don't get the idea that I can never have a beer in moderation again. When life is going well I can drink, I can stop drinking, it doesn't affect my life. When I use alcohol to deal with my problems is when it causes problems. I feel like being sober for a while has cleared my head and put things in perspective. What ever happened to moderation, people slow down after they realize they were out of control and it's affecting their life. I just think the rigid mentality is almost as dangerous to going back to partying the way I was partying.
I was doing great until things kinda got weird with him. Then I felt my mind kinda go screw all this cult stuff, I have an active life and a support system. I feel like he thinks I'm using and am lying about it or something, just the way he is acting it's obvious he thinks something is up. That's what's pissing me off. Anyone I'm close to knows I've come a long way and that I'm doing great. It's like AA is never enough. I can never do ENOUGH to satisfy these people. First I wasn't going to any meetings, which is a huge no-no. Then I started going to 2 meetings a week, but then they want me to go to 3 meetings. I started doing that and that's not enough, I'm supposed to go out to eat with everyone after and develop "fellowship." Sorry, I work in the morning and am on a budget, I can't afford to eat out 3 times a week and stay up until midnight on a weeknight. So they're upset about that because I'm not "putting myself out there." Then he wants to meet and I suggest doing it on the weekend and he sends me a snarky text saying he has the time "when I decide to be available." It's like jesus christ realize how far I've come and don't keep trying to take nickle and dime me on everything. It's really frustrating. I feel like they're trying to pressure me out of my hobbies so I can be more involved. Isn't the idea to not drink? Not to stop everything you do that normal people do and define your life by your alcoholism?
The people in AA are very nice and helpful and we've been through some similar stuff. But I've met plenty of people in treatment who are still sober and have similar reservations as I do with AA. I don't think there is one simple solution or a one size fits all approach. I also am starting to have a problem with calling myself an Alcoholic at every meeting. I believe in the law of attraction. So say I keep calling myself an alcoholic, then I become an alcoholic. Say I can handle having two drinks and stopping. After I've called myself an alcoholic for 6 months straight, after beer #2 I'm most likely going to say "I'm an alcoholic, alcoholics drink until the beer is gone." If I wake up every morning and look in the mirror and say "I don't deserve a healthy relationship, guess what's going to happen?"
Now I'm not trying to offend anyone. AA has done wonders for me, I just think it's getting a little carried away. I'm not about to quit going, I still feel better about myself after a meeting. I'm just upset that people are being very unrealistic about it. I also don't get the idea that I can never have a beer in moderation again. When life is going well I can drink, I can stop drinking, it doesn't affect my life. When I use alcohol to deal with my problems is when it causes problems. I feel like being sober for a while has cleared my head and put things in perspective. What ever happened to moderation, people slow down after they realize they were out of control and it's affecting their life. I just think the rigid mentality is almost as dangerous to going back to partying the way I was partying.
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
I went to alot of AA meetings in the beginning because I felt I needed them. It always seemed like a place where I could get in touch with my Higher Power because I always had a good week after attending one. I know alot of people who make AA a major part of their life because they are sick of mind and needed it as much as I once did. What others in AA think about AA or think about me is not my concern and I could care less.
I know that when I drink, I cause alot of problems for myself and for those around me so I go to whatever extent I feel I need to go to so I won't have the desire to pick up that fiirst drink, because I have been to the depths of hell and back and I never, ever want to be there again, so I did all I had to do to avoid it which meant going through an outpatient treatment program and 3 months of relapse prevention group counseling followed by AA meetings. 8 years later, I have cut back on meetings due to other obligations and time constraints.
I really think you are overthinking this and making it too hard on yourself. If you feel your sponser is not doing the job you expected him to do then don't use him anymore....fire him.
AA is very flexible but if you feel it's too much of a burden to go to meetings then you are certainly not obligated to go by any means. If you feel you can stay sober without AA then thats up to you. You know better then anyone. If you think you can drink moderately (and the odds are against you) then thats up to you also. But if you want to stay sober and you feel you need help, then don't be afraid to ask because there are all knds of people willing to help!
God Bless!
I know that that is not true, but my first two years in AA was a struggle. But it saved my life. Some people are Big Book thumpers, some were zealots, some are "faking it until they make it", some repeat what others say because they don't know how to be. I've been through several sponsors. Their lives got too busy for me. But it saved my life.
What lengths are we willing to go for sobriety? Some more than others. You say that you think you can have a beer or two and be alright. I thought that also, So I tried some controlled drinking. Sometimes I could stop, sometimes not. However, I could never predict which time would be which.
I eventually came to understand that this drunk had to completely stop forever.
Only you can decide which path you want to lead, and at what pace you want to do it. AA does not dictate your life or anyone elses.
Having said all of this, I hope I didn't come across as too preachy. This is how it was for me. I am glad that you basically like AA. And please go ahead and vent all you want. We are here for you.
Gentle hugs
There is nothing in this world that can piss you off unless you allow it to do so. Balance is also important in all things and finding the right balance between AA meetings and your hobbies may help.
As for your sponsor, remember that no matter how long he is sober or how good things may look on the outside, he is still an alcoholic and an imperfect human being so he may be under pressure and not feeling good. It is natural that he would want you to meet with him and to ask what it is that you want from sponsorship. The main job of a sponsor is to help a sponsee through the Twelve Steps and that is something that requires a great deal of commitment on both sides. That is probably why he is asking you how far you are willing to go to stay sober.
Maybe you need to decide if you are fully committed to AA or if your hobbies are more important. I can understand the weird stuff that you mentioned because I have had experience of that, where someone got a completely wrong idea and the truth could not have been further away from what the person imagined it to be. Straight and honest talking is a good way to sort out situations like that. Remember that you do not have to satisfy anybody in AA and the only one you should really be trying to satisfy is you. Nobody can tell you that you must go to meetings and going for meals is definitely not a requirement.
The thing about AA is that the closed meetings are for people who declare themselves as alcoholics so if you think that you are not an alcoholic, maybe it is not the place for you. Why not learn a little bit more about alcoholism and then you will have a better idea about where you stand. Maybe you are not an alcoholic and that you could take a few drinks and have no problem with it. On the other hand, you may want to be careful as if you really are an alcoholic, you just cannot drink safely.
If I was in your place I would forget about the sponsor for a while and just go to meetings. Dont put any pressure on yourself but try to get to a couple of meetings a week. After a while it should become clear to you whether you belong in AA or not. Either way, I wish you all the best for the future.
From you post, I see myself. It took me a long time to realize that AA was not for me.
i avoiding going out for breakfast after the meeting. Recovering people are problematic. I want to hang out with people who have a stable life. AA cales them normies. Sober I became a normie, who doesn't drink or use. There are lots of them out there.
It's amazing how what I wanted to write to you changed the more I read your story.
My first message would have been fire your sponsor. Seems like he may not be right for you. He's probably not a bad guy, just too heavy handed.
But as I read, I see your struggle, not with him or AA, But your disease. You don't want to declare yourself alcoholic? You are contemplating moderation. These are tricks that fool us into drinking again.
Now, maybe you're not an alcoholic. I don't know you. That is for you to decide. However you seem very resistant, and are now looking for excuses and rationalizing why others can get treatment and be ok again to have a couple of drinks.
The disease doesn't work this way. Perhaps the people at the meeting see this in you, and that's why they appear overbearing.
I have 2+ years in sobriety. I have work and family commitments. I go to 2 meetings a week. I don't go for coffee after, nor do I communicate with my sponsor beyond the meetings. I've been to AA functions (parties) but they are rare and only for people I care about.
A sponsor is a safety net. You use it when you need it. In the beginning of AA or sobriety, you're rock climbing on the face of a mountain. That sponsor comes in handy. I use mine when I need it. I'm not overpowered by it. The steps helped me tremendously. I blamed people. I was full of resentment. The steps gave me tools to not be an argumentative, confrontational, egotistical jackass.
I'm grateful to be an alcoholic. Because without those tools, I'd be dick to my family, friends, and coworkers. Id be angry and looking to justify why I was wronged.
I suggest another sponsor. I also suggest taking only from AA what you need, and leave the resentments against other people and messages you can't see. Treat AA like a party with a buffet. It's a huge spread, you don't like carrots? Nevermind the carrots. You like shrimp, eat all the shrimp that fulfills you. Don't be upset the carrots are on the table. The next guy might want carrots and hate shrimp.
In the end everyone stands around with their plates and enjoys the party.
AA certainly isn't a cult. I'd love to talk more to you about your situation. Snowboarding and be gym are my outlets. I don't mediate, nor read the 12 and 12 everyday. But I know alcohol is wrong for me. I can never have a beer or two again. I struggled with that for the first six months of sobriety.
Hit me up if you want to talk further. Thanks for sharing this message here. If it doesn't provide you with answers, it may help someone else.
Feel free to message me.
Jeff
When you feel like you are " supposed to " then somethings wrong. I'm supposed to be happy. You are too. Life's too short.
1is2many
Curious how your situation unfolded.
I love AA, I'm grateful to the women; the people who came before me; and most of all the program (12 steps) itself as practicing the principals has improved my life in almost every aspect possible.
So rather than be annoyed; I try to be grateful. And when I am annoyed; as I am; 'cause that's me; I try to address what's wrong with me and move on.