Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi Group --
I realize I have not been on here recently. I was doing well until last night.
Just to recap, I stopped drinking on Nov 3 but then had a terrible night on the 12th so I lasted only 9 days. I then went from the 13th until the 27th - Thanksgiving, so that was 12 days. However, on Thanksgiving I just had a glass of champagne as my mother-in-law likes to toast the holidays with Champagne. Since I knew I had to drive I had an extra incentive, and once I was done with my champagne I switched to Ginger Ale and then seltzer. So even though I drank I felt good that I had just the one drink.
They key thing too is that my wife wants me to be able to moderate my drinking.. have a drink here and there, but not get drunk every time we are in a situation where alcohol is available. So anyway, she was okay with the one drink as a toast.
However, last night we went to a cocktail party and our friend - the host, brought us both a large glass of red wine. Again, I knew I had to drive and so I nursed the large glass for most of the evening and that was it. The problem was when we got home.. I was seriously craving more wine and my wife had fallen asleep so I opened a bottle. I (incorrectly) thought I could moderate myself - have one more glass and then go to bed myself. But that didn't happen.. I drank the whole bottle.
I was more than 1/2 way through the bottle when my wife woke up and found me on the couch and reminded me about moderation.. but at that point I was well passed that point. She was obviously and understandably pissed at me but I was at the point of drunk that I didn't care.. I mean, I guess I figured - she's already pissed, so what the hell.
So anyway, today, 11/29 is attempt #4 to stop.
I'm curious about others experience - have you had these kind of set backs during your attempts to stop? My first attempt lasted 11 days, my second attempt 9 and my third attempt 12. After the first attempt I had two really bad weeks so that attempt was a total failure, but looking at the the last 24 days (including today) I have not had a drink on 21 of those days - one day i had one drink, and the other 2 days I got drunk.
I'm know I am rationalizing a bit here, but I still feel that I'm making progress.
Now the other thing that, for lack of a better word, I find "interesting", is that I only get drunk at home. When I am out and know I need to drive I moderate - which is how I'd always been. The difference now is that we have more alcohol at home.
Rich
I realize I have not been on here recently. I was doing well until last night.
Just to recap, I stopped drinking on Nov 3 but then had a terrible night on the 12th so I lasted only 9 days. I then went from the 13th until the 27th - Thanksgiving, so that was 12 days. However, on Thanksgiving I just had a glass of champagne as my mother-in-law likes to toast the holidays with Champagne. Since I knew I had to drive I had an extra incentive, and once I was done with my champagne I switched to Ginger Ale and then seltzer. So even though I drank I felt good that I had just the one drink.
They key thing too is that my wife wants me to be able to moderate my drinking.. have a drink here and there, but not get drunk every time we are in a situation where alcohol is available. So anyway, she was okay with the one drink as a toast.
However, last night we went to a cocktail party and our friend - the host, brought us both a large glass of red wine. Again, I knew I had to drive and so I nursed the large glass for most of the evening and that was it. The problem was when we got home.. I was seriously craving more wine and my wife had fallen asleep so I opened a bottle. I (incorrectly) thought I could moderate myself - have one more glass and then go to bed myself. But that didn't happen.. I drank the whole bottle.
I was more than 1/2 way through the bottle when my wife woke up and found me on the couch and reminded me about moderation.. but at that point I was well passed that point. She was obviously and understandably pissed at me but I was at the point of drunk that I didn't care.. I mean, I guess I figured - she's already pissed, so what the hell.
So anyway, today, 11/29 is attempt #4 to stop.
I'm curious about others experience - have you had these kind of set backs during your attempts to stop? My first attempt lasted 11 days, my second attempt 9 and my third attempt 12. After the first attempt I had two really bad weeks so that attempt was a total failure, but looking at the the last 24 days (including today) I have not had a drink on 21 of those days - one day i had one drink, and the other 2 days I got drunk.
I'm know I am rationalizing a bit here, but I still feel that I'm making progress.
Now the other thing that, for lack of a better word, I find "interesting", is that I only get drunk at home. When I am out and know I need to drive I moderate - which is how I'd always been. The difference now is that we have more alcohol at home.
Rich
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Can you identify these rom-coms from just a screenshot from the middle of the films? This is a multiple choice quiz so even if you're not entirely sure you can always take a guess and at least have a 25% chance of getting it right anyway, so why not have a go?! https://www.buzzfeed.com/alysaurus688/rom-com-screenshot-trivia-quiz
I, too, am trying to "moderate" myself. The idea of no more booze "forever" just seems wrong to me.
I started with a 10 day drying out period - a goal I set and achieved. Then I had alcohol on Thanksgiving - which I planned. BUT - I planned on two drinks, max, and it turned into three.
Now I have no plan, and I am back to drinking. Had four tonight.
Sadly, that did not make me drunk, so I KNOW I have built up a tolerance.
I, too, can keep from getting drunk when I am away from home, and only get really blitzed when I'm home - where I know I am safe to pass out.
My plan is to set another goal for drying out - maybe another 10 days - and then try to "moderate" again - meaning two drinks max.
I call that progress. I think what you are doing is progress as well.
Neither of us is "done" however. We both have much more work to do. But that's okay.
Once I went for two years without booze. I was miserable. It wasn't the actual drink but the disconnect the booze allowed. So when I stopped drinking the issues were still there. So I quit and HAD to drink after a time because I couldn't cope.
This time I Got sober and didn't quit drinking. I worked hard at learning why I drank and acquired methods for coping. It took some work , but the result is I don't HAVE to drink today. It's f ing awesome.
I just ask you to explore a few methods to get sober. I found aa and it saved my life. You can do this.
1is2many
Thanks for your support and feedback. My ultimate goal is to quit drinking completely because when I don't drink I sleep better and wake up feeling much better -- even on nights when I don't get drunk, the alcohol still effects me. I also suffer from anxiety / panic attacks and I'm on a lot of meds for that the the doctor has encouraged me to stop drinking. When I do drink I feel more anxious so I know its stupid to drink but I still do.
Rich
Canute the Great, King of the Norwegians Set his throne by the sea shore and commanded the incoming tide to halt and not wet his feet and robes. Yet "continuing to rise as usual [the tide] dashed over his feet and legs without respect to his royal person. The king wished to demonstrate to his subjects how empty and worthless is the power of kings, compared to a greater power. When an alcoholic tries to moderate his drinking he may be in a similar position to wise old Canute as he tries to hold back the tide of alcoholism.
Your post demonstrates two things concerning drinking. Firstly, you have an obsession for alcohol that will always find a reason to justify taking a drink. Here are some of the justifiable reasons: had a terrible night on the 12th; my mother-in-law likes to toast the holidays with Champagne; she (my wife) was okay with the one drink as a toast; our friend - the host, brought us both a large glass of red wine, etc.
Secondly, when you take a drink or two you crave more alcohol. I (incorrectly) thought I could moderate myself - have one more glass and then go to bed myself. But that didn't happen.. I drank the whole bottle.
There may be two lessons to be learned:
(1) You cannot drink safely as the first drink will always produce a craving for more.
(2) You will probably continue repeating the cycle that you have described above until you accept that you cannot drink and then do something to remove the obsession. Alcoholism is a progressive condition so the binges get worse with time.
An alcoholic cannot control alcoholism any more than our friend Canute could control the incoming tide. However, you can set your throne on higher ground where you will be safe.
Let your wife know that you don't feel good when you drink and your doctor wants you to stop drinking because it is not good with your meds. Tell your wife drinking moderately is not a good option (which you proved when you drank the bottle of wine.) Tell her you need to stop totally and ask her for her support.
And if someone offers you Champagne for a toast? Just toast with water or soda!!! You have no obligation to anyone else to drink -- EVER.
I think the key for me will be to make sure I always have a ginger ale or similar non-alcoholic drink in my hand so if someone offers me a drink I can just say "I'm good, thanks."
Again, I realize I was rationalizing the "toast", etc. versus recognizing the real issue is that I WANT to drink but want to be able to say "ok, it was just one so I'm okay" but I know that spirals into many more.
Rich
Having the knowledge that you now have about the causes and consequences of your dinking is a good thing. However, knowledge alone is not always enough if you plan to avoid repeating the drinking experience over and over.
When I came to the point where I knew I could not drink, it took a big shift in thinking first of all to really accept that I could not drink safely and then to look for help that would give me a good chance of staying sober. For a while that meant staying away from places where alcohol was available but now it doesnt bother me to be in such places, except for the boredom of course.
Do you accept that you cannot drink safely? Do you have any plan that would help you?
I can not have just 1 or 2, for me it mentally haunts me and I am having a war in my head "1 or 2" or 'maybe I can or maybe I can't".
If I tell myself I can't have any period, then I am OK. Every time I drink, I am right back to where I was, feeling guilty and back to day 1 for the 100th time. Another thing, 1 or 2 for me is just starters...
I truly believe now that people who don't have an issue with alcohol do not think like me. They can have 1 or 2 and can take it or leave it. Never an issue. It's always an issue for me.