I served with assholes, I know assholes, assholes are friends of mine. howtolive, you're no asshole. just an apparent alcoholic.

That's a former Sen. Benson quote BTW, who was an asshole.

Anna, apparently we want this more than we want that...........if that makes sense

It is the mental obsession that drives you to continue drinking, you are unable to choose not to drink - that is alcoholism. It's not about how much you want it, if that was all it was about everyone would have sobered up long before they did.

Serenity has it! Right on the head. You're an alcoholic and you need help.

I was powerless over the alcohol when I drank, but for me, when I woke up that morning some time ago, I knew I was done. I was willing to go to any length to not have to live that way anymore. Even pray.

I was able to put the drink down some days before I prayed for the removal of the obsession.

In the end, it was some severe physical problems (caused by alcohol) that finally woke me up. I wanted to live- yes- but it wasn't until I was faced by the prospect of death that I actually did anything about it. Do you want to push it that far? It's not worth it.

It's pretty insane when we want to be happy and do everything to sabotage that. There is an alternative, do whatever it takes to have joy in your life. It got to a stage for me if I didn't get help, commit myself to rehab, I was going to die. Prayed too, didn't believe in God then, but I prayed with all my heart.

Faith without work is nothing though. You need to do the legwork. Not Amber, not the rest of us, but you need to GOYA and make the effort to heal. We will support you in your efforts. Your on a path to self-destruction, insanity and death. There is another, recovery. I hope and pray you come to a stage where you make the commitment to change your path.

you just keep planting negative seeds - you only THINK you want sobriety - but you don't truly want it just yet.

I think all of us in our drinking days were assholes to some point and some of us continue to be an ass even when we dont' drink.

The bottom line is you just haven't hit your rock bottom, you have the I CAN'T drilled into your brain instead of the I CAN - you are still swarmed with the all wonderful excuse game and planning ahead, i will stop tomorrow attitude -

AA's door goes round and round until hits ya in the ass enough - then ya may decide to stay and work the program - possibly AA isn't for you and a type of other rehab or other program is what you need - but I don't think you gave AA a fair chance


When you begin to handle the mental end along with the physical end you may see more results -

Peace

I agree with what others have said....you are not an asshole, you are an alcoholic.

"...self-destruct"? Nah, that's not the worst part of it Anna.... if that's all it was people would have the option to look away. You tend to destruct all who have loved you or even met you.

Do me a favor, leave your "friends" alone when you're drinking. You are one mean drunk! Oh..... that's right, you have an excuse when you're drinking. It's not the real you.

That shit gets old really quick!

You know WTF is wrong with you, you really just don't want to DO something about it. All I can do is pray that you live long enough to.

So sad all these poeple trying to support you in taking that first step, but you aren't ready.

Peace,
TasW

I just would like to add to Tas, that for me, friends are gifts to be handled with care and with the utmost respect... and that respect must be earned.. it is not given out willingly and freely... A hurting person is one thing.. even someone with a bit of attitude and need... However, attacking somoenes character, using condensending language and making constant excuses time and time again... sucks the energy of anyone... I wish you the best on your journey... Use a little humility, open your heart and expect the unexpected.. Life can be beautiful..

No matter how much other people want sobriety and recovery for you, unless you want it and work at it it's not achievable.

The AA book lists 3 pertinent ideas.
We are alcoholics and cannot manage our own lives.
Probably no human power can relieve our alcoholism.
Our higher power CAN AND WILL IF SOUGHT.