Its getting easier. But tonight my husband is on nights and the granddaughter we are raising is having an overnight party so ill be alone. but last night my bathroom got super deep cleaned and started paining my kitchen. as I was driving to work this am I thought about all the empties that are lining that 20 mile drive to the city I work in. it was the routine to stop and buy my lil four pack of wine, then drink them at the fishing area near our house. save two hidden in my purse for hone then on my way to work the next day chuck them out the window on the drive to work. along with so so many glass bottles that I chucked into the bushes, etc. that entire highway stretch is like a graveyard of empty and broken wine bottles. it is freeing to not have to hide the bottles until I can dispose of them. i feel free. yet i know its the euphoria that one gets in early recovery and it most likely wont last. so tonight the plan is to stop and get the paint i need to finish the kitchen, then get home and get to work. staying busy seems to be helping me. Its also helpful and helps me to be accountable to be able to check in here every day. four days ago i stated i could not attend aa because im a professional (in mental health and addictions of all things) and i never wanted to be "found out" today at four days im considering an aa meeting. im human right. so its a possibility now. Thanks for listening to me rant daily:) its helping. I am astounded that i went four days thus far. :)