Alcoholism Support Group
Alcoholism is the continued consumption of alcoholic beverages, even when it is negatively affecting your health, work, relationships and life. If you think alcohol is causing you to lose control, it's time to seek help. Our group is a safe place to vent, check in, get back up if you fall, and reach sobriety.
Hi all
I wasn't sure what to put as a title. I guess that one word is the best I can sum things up.
I'm a 47 year old mum living in the UK (Lincolnshire) with my 17 year old son and the dog. I work from home and don't have any friends to turn to for support. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up so I kept people at arms length so nobody came round. As a result I don't know how to 'do' friendship.
My son is a superstar (shhhh, don't tell him I said that !!) but he has his own friends and interests. In Sept 2017 he'll be off to Uni or drama school and I HAVE to get this under control as I don't want him miles away worrying about his mother, should be the other way round.
I want to try AA but can't get to the meetings in my town (son needs lifts on Tuesdays and I'm doing an evening class on Thursdays). The one's I can get to are 15 or so miles away - problems of living in a rural county. So that means not having a drink as I need to drive to them.
I have tried DART and AddAction but in both instances the counsellors would end up telling me there problems (one had a mother with early on set dementia, the other had a sick dog) so I was getting nothing from that. I tried the local SMART support group but the conversation often sunk into smut - now, I'm no prude (I grew up in east London in the 80s so quite a broad outlook on life!) but some of it was the lowest it could get.
I had read on forums that if you contact AA they can link you up with a (in my case) lady locally who could come round to chat and encourage. I was feeling desperate earlier in the week so I emailed the AA help email address. A gentleman replied 4 hours later who told me to stop beating about the bush, stop wasting everyone's time and to go to a meeting plus quite a bit more. It was very blunt and rude and not a single bit of encouragement in there at all. I did go back and read the email the next day to check I hadn't read it wrong but feel I was right in my initial feelings on receiving it.
I am starting talking therapy for depression on Monday - at least my assessment is then - as I have got low enough to be signed off work and to have had suicidal 'niggles' at the back of my mind. I also self referred again to AddAction in the hope of getting someone else but DART have me down as one of their clients (even though the counsellor has told me they are so oversubscribed they were stopping my sessions - I guess because I turn up sober, can think logically and am holding down a job (just) I'm seen as being one of the 'lower risks') so AddAction can't accept my referral.
In January I only had three dry days - 7, 9 & 17. I am drinking between 17-28 units a day most days.
Sorry for the ramble - I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, pathetic eh? Getting sober is down to me. I've been drinking heavily for about 2.5 years with 6 months dry last Feb & March - which is when I got my job and dog. I know I CAN do this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this
I wasn't sure what to put as a title. I guess that one word is the best I can sum things up.
I'm a 47 year old mum living in the UK (Lincolnshire) with my 17 year old son and the dog. I work from home and don't have any friends to turn to for support. My dad was an alcoholic when I was growing up so I kept people at arms length so nobody came round. As a result I don't know how to 'do' friendship.
My son is a superstar (shhhh, don't tell him I said that !!) but he has his own friends and interests. In Sept 2017 he'll be off to Uni or drama school and I HAVE to get this under control as I don't want him miles away worrying about his mother, should be the other way round.
I want to try AA but can't get to the meetings in my town (son needs lifts on Tuesdays and I'm doing an evening class on Thursdays). The one's I can get to are 15 or so miles away - problems of living in a rural county. So that means not having a drink as I need to drive to them.
I have tried DART and AddAction but in both instances the counsellors would end up telling me there problems (one had a mother with early on set dementia, the other had a sick dog) so I was getting nothing from that. I tried the local SMART support group but the conversation often sunk into smut - now, I'm no prude (I grew up in east London in the 80s so quite a broad outlook on life!) but some of it was the lowest it could get.
I had read on forums that if you contact AA they can link you up with a (in my case) lady locally who could come round to chat and encourage. I was feeling desperate earlier in the week so I emailed the AA help email address. A gentleman replied 4 hours later who told me to stop beating about the bush, stop wasting everyone's time and to go to a meeting plus quite a bit more. It was very blunt and rude and not a single bit of encouragement in there at all. I did go back and read the email the next day to check I hadn't read it wrong but feel I was right in my initial feelings on receiving it.
I am starting talking therapy for depression on Monday - at least my assessment is then - as I have got low enough to be signed off work and to have had suicidal 'niggles' at the back of my mind. I also self referred again to AddAction in the hope of getting someone else but DART have me down as one of their clients (even though the counsellor has told me they are so oversubscribed they were stopping my sessions - I guess because I turn up sober, can think logically and am holding down a job (just) I'm seen as being one of the 'lower risks') so AddAction can't accept my referral.
In January I only had three dry days - 7, 9 & 17. I am drinking between 17-28 units a day most days.
Sorry for the ramble - I know it sounds like I'm feeling sorry for myself, pathetic eh? Getting sober is down to me. I've been drinking heavily for about 2.5 years with 6 months dry last Feb & March - which is when I got my job and dog. I know I CAN do this.
Thank you for taking the time to read this
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check out that smoke ring. It tasted really good. I smothered it with Maulls BBQ sauce which is Local to St. Louis and one of the best I ever had.....
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I was recently separated from my wife of 33 years and it's complicated. Anyway I rented a room about 15 minutes away and I see my kids about once a week. I see the people who own the house I live in once in a while but other than that I stay in my room where I do my cooking, wash dishes in the shower, read, color, and sleep. I get out at least once a day. I grocery shop and I attend 2 meetings...
See I was hooked on booze. I became reliant upon the effect that drinking produced. I was ashamed of who I was and all I wanted to do was isolate and hide. But not today. I am engaged in my work and my family. I have found that life is soooo much better sober.
The fact for me was I couldn't learn what I didn't know. I learned about the underlying reasons why I drank. Resentments and ultimately my faults. I learned to accept responsibility and to take actions to forgive ppl that were upsetting me and making me drink
So do you want to quit or as that fellow said just beat around the bush and continue down the same path. I know that sounds harsh but it's the truth. Nobody can do this for you, you have to go get it.
I found the best thing I ever did for myself was to ask for some help. It started my recovery. See I was forever helping others, I was never one to ask for help, I was raised to suck it up and get over it. Well I couldn't get sober alone.
So which path will you choose?
1is2many
I'm sorry you are having a hard time finding support, despite your efforts and being deemed "low risk". I understand about the distance of a meeting, your responsibilities with your son and needing to drive, and drive sober. You are trying and just don't give up. Keeping trying to hook yourself up with that structured support, but in the meantime, keep coming on here (this is my AA) and you can start a wellness program for yourself. Yoga, meditation in your living room (YouTube) reading books , Alan Carr's - how to stop drinking or something like that (others can give you great suggestions on books) journaling, drawing, baths, walks.... Whatever feeds your soul. In my opinion, the biggest thing is to make you a priority and commit to it. And to take not drinking, one day at a time. Commit to not drinking today! Just today!!! The days will add up. You will feel strength with each passing day. Big hugs and peace to you. Xo you can do it!
Good to see you here and I wish you well for the future. Nobody likes to admit that drinking has become a problem and it is natural to downplay how serious it is but alcoholism really is a serious condition if it is left untreated.
I had a similar experience to yours when I contacted AA in my own country, although the person who replied to my email was not rude or impolite. The trouble was that I was being told the truth and the truth was not what I wanted to hear at the time. I looked for a second opinion and sent a message to AA E-mail Support in the UK. The message from them was much the same but the lady who replied talked about her own experience and didnt tell me that I had to do anything. She ended with the words: Go to a meeting you wont regret it. That was the best suggestion anyone ever made to me.
Alcoholism is a progressive condition so if you do nothing it will get worse with time. In my case that happened very slowly and gradually for a long time and then inside a few months it spiralled out of control completely. Therefore, I would urge you to put sobriety before everything else and to make those meetings your top priority. Until you can get to meetings in your home town, you can drive to nearby Spalding or Horncastle but first of all you need to put down the drink. Dont do it next week or tomorrow today is the day.
Spalding Meeting : Ivo Day Centre, 67A Albion St. 12:30 hrs. Sunday
Horncastle Meeting: The Stanhope Hall, Boston Rd. 19.00 hrs. Sunday - duration 1hr 30mins
Like you stated, getting sober is down to you but you will need to be completely committed to it. Alcoholism is a very powerful force and once it gets a grip on your thinking there is work to be done to re-programme the mind. Dont drink and drive but please go to a meeting you wont regret it.
Tomorrow lunchtime I am going to the meeting in Spalding. I'm not a morning drinker (yet?) so can make this one. Hopefully that will give me the boost to get to the Monday evening meeting and from there the next one.
For me I think the problem is I'm used to being in control and accepting I'm not anymore is hard. All your replies have really helped.
Thank you xx
The hope is that I, as you did, started my journey on DS and then it took trying out 3 different meetings and finally I found the right place.
I still cant believe im sober sometimes. But I will say that going to a meeting and seeing that guy that relapsed last Tue and Wed and just is beating himself up and staring at jail for his DUI and all the crap that drinking brings helps me to stay away from the crap.
You deserve to be happy. That is the goal! There are many ways to get there just get into action and you will be so happy too!
Post the progress!
1is2
In the end I was out of control and that's ironic to me
The solution was actually the problem.
Remove booze, regain control, problems are less
Thing is that life keeps throwing you life and I needed to learn some coping skills which evidently I missed that class in school growing up!
1-2
Not sure why the AA guy seemed so abrupt :) but the truth of the phoneline service is it is generally there to put you in touch with local members who can introduce themselves and introduce you to local meetings until you can attend yourself. I work the
phoneline and oftentimes folks want ongoing 1:1 support...sadly that isn't practical.
P
I read your post twice. I don't think you are pathetic; but I do think you are making excuses for yourself to not get sober. I did; so I can recognize them:-) I went to my first AA meeting March 28th of 2011. I havent had a drink since. i had no time for AA. Three kids; full time career; two dogs; two horses; friends; etc. I simply had NO time. what I found is when I stopped drinking; and stopped using all my energy in the pursuit of getting drunk; managing my unmanagable bullshit, and my hangovers I had PLENTY of time even with all the other 'stuff."
This pg
"I want to try AA but can't get to the meetings in my town (son needs lifts on Tuesdays and I'm doing an evening class on Thursdays). The one's I can get to are 15 or so miles away - problems of living in a rural county. So that means not having a drink as I need to drive to them. "
Get rid of the "try" and just GO to aa. You are busy two days; there are five other days. You can drive the 20 ms or so to get there. Your child is 17 and can be at home alone clearly. So stop the excuses if you really want to get sober and GO. Don't "try" as that isnt working.
Paul, that was very interesting what you said about the phonelines. I've spoken to the phonelines twice (once last year, once last weekend) and used the email once and at no point has there been any mention of putting me in touch with/getting a local person to contact me. It's difficult to convey the brusqueness of the email reply I got here. It was a slapped wrists with no encouragement. But in hindsight he really was the exception to the rule. The chap I spoke to last weekend was lovely. Started the call in tears of desperation and finished in tears of laughter.
Stickywick, yes my son is old enough to be on his own but public transport stops in our town before the time he needs to be at his rehearsals and everybody else comes from a different direction so I have to give him a lift. Having been born and bought up in London this transport stopping early evening is a real eye-opener!
I am going to the meeting this (Sunday) lunchtime. Sadly, because of the rural nature of where I live, there won't be any continuity. Sunday and Monday meetings will be in one town, Wednesdays in another, Friday's in another and Saturday's in yet another. But then everyone from my county will be in the same boat so will probably all be used to 'group-hopping'.
My one fear is that a lady I know from my town may be there. I know there should be confidentiality but I know my attendance will be broadcast far and wide. She used to be very open about being an alcoholic and then going to AA so she won't worry about people knowing how she knows. But getting sober is more important than anything.
I've rambled again, sorry!!!
I found that getting to different meetings kept me busy, and in the beginning busy was what kept me from getting bored and when I was bored I drank
Just mentally calm your mind and slow down and get sober.
1is2many
Let us know if you got out of the car and went in to the meeting!!lol
I made my mind up to go to a meeting on one fateful winter day back in 2008 I was sitting in my car in the parking lot, across from the sdolescent center near the hospital where I had gone through detox. I was about to leave like I always had, but I had this flashback of my mother dying from alcoholic liver sirosis. It was not a pretty site and not a good way to go. The guilt I carried with me over my inability to stop her from committing a slow suicide, followed me throughout life, for the next 30 years, and affected every major decision I ever made in my life, in a negative way. The therapists called me an ACOA (Adult Child of Alcoholic Parents)
That flashback along with another in which a counselor was repeating in my ear over and over and over again, "Break the cycle" prompted me to get out of my car, humbly walk across the parking lot and walk through the door with the simple sign that read, "AA meeting inside". I was greeted by a person who shook my hand and said "Welcome! Thankyou for coming" . I was a broken man, with my head hung low. Going through that door was the best decision I ever made!
Long story short, 8 years ago, I was about as low as anyone could be, having lost everything I valued in life. Today, I have everything I need, I live my life by the 12 steps and I have never been happier!
God Bless!
It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble. It's what we know that ain't so.
Will Rogers