Hello hope0612,

You forgot that you have a problem because you no longer have a problem and that is the key to sobriety the problem has been removed.

For many alcoholics that state of forgetting does not come about naturally whether they are sober for several days, several months or even longer. It is only by bringing about a change in their way of thinking that the problem is removed and staying sober is no longer an effort. That is the reason why many go to AA meetings, get a sponsor and engage with the Twelve Steps.

PJ, he is the one in AA. I am hoping he goes to a counselor or finds a different program. I don't think AA is healthy for him.

This disease sux...and your husband doesn't enjoy it...I promise you.
But you have to do what is right for you....maybe a separation...

He has to want to stop..and stay stopped for any kind of sanity in your life..believe me I know this too well.

I don't think AA Is good for anyone that is married..and not attending with their spouse...too much "bonding" going on there.

From experience....I know..and a therapist or PhD...specializing in this area..can be very helpful.

Thanks Missy.

He says he wants to be sober. He's seems much happier sober, but then he keeps deciding to have a drink. One drink becomes nonstop for days on end.

I mentioned separation this morning. He said he has to concentrate on not drinking and can't think about that now. I told him I am okay with that and I want him to be sober and healthy.

I think he went out to buy more vodka.

I do the same thing...I say I feel great after many days..and then once I start I can't stop and I don't care about anyone else..I think I will always be forgiven..

That is what he thinks..if your sick of it and done..you have to make a move for yourself..he isn't getting better...(just like me)...he is chosing to drink over everything else.

Doesn't mean he doesn't love you...I LOVE my BF and my FAMILY...but I don't stop..cause I don't love myself..that is the important part.

He needs help to love himself....counseling...etc..
Its not you...its him.

Hi Hope, do you know why you stay with such a sick person?

You deserve to have a life worth living. Check out an Al-Anon meeting. There you will find other people living their lives and not making the alcoholic the center of their lives. Alcoholism is a family disease. I wish you Godspeed. Hugs, Dianna

Gr8tful2b,

I am still with a sick person because a made a vow that includes in sickness and in health. His sickness is not the center of my life. If he continues this cycle of relapse then we will get divorced.

The finances and living situation will be difficult to work through if that happens, but I am trying to proactively line up my options. I am disappointed in him and sad that he is not there for one of our kids who is going through a hard time and needs him.

Yeah, I am Hope. But without Hope. My AH has seen me on this group and I never wanted to discuss his alcoholism here and have him realize it. I don't care anymore.

I printed out my journal entries that chronicled his drunken episodes and gave them to him earlier. I have no idea where we will go from here.

Hope- a lot of people start drinking again b/c they forget that they DO have a problem, so they think that just a little will be okay.

You do have a problem; you just are beating it.

Remember that you do have a problem; it's just in remission.

The key to staying sober is to respect your disease; not deny it.

Just my take on it.

ExJersey, There's the rub. You made the vow. Your kids didn't. Do they see their father drunk all the time? If that's the case, I hope you make a decision soon.

I'm so sorry after all the work you've done to stay sober to now have to deal with an alcoholic spouse. I hope he comes to. And yeh, I know how difficult it would be financially. I divorced my husband after 23 yrs of marriage (he's a non-drinker). I remarried him on our original wedding date in 2004. This was after he got some help with his issues in Al-Anon.

I'm a big believer in AA and Al-Anon because they have worked miracles in my family but I know you're a smart cookie and you'll do the right thing, no matter what that is.

Thanks for your support Gr8tful2b.

Our kids are older(college age) so I don't need to move out to protect them. But they deserve better than a drunk for a father. I deserve better too.

My Dad fell off the wagon after six months. He needed that to tell him that he there is no cure other than abstinence. He went on to live the rest of his life sober. He had 42 years sober when he died. He never went to AA. He did it on his own.

Impermanence, it doesn't matter how someone stays sober to me. I'm just happy to hear about people who get and stay sober. Awesome on 42 yrs.

Hope, of course you deserve better. It's so sad when this kind of problem presents itself. Such a negative environment. I am a child of alcoholics. Our children will sometimes tell us to leave the alcoholic (like my siblings and I did), but it's just not that simple. I get that. I know it's a process with a lot of heartache along the way.

I suggested Al-Anon as a place where there are people just like you, who understand and have found a way to have a good life. I support your process. It's so easy at times to tell someone what they need to do but not always helpful. Hugs, Dianna