Well Bob, if you will accept the view of a young 'un - at least in sobriety :-)

Sometimes I get the impression when "acceptance" is discussed in the rooms that it can be mistaken for a form of fatalism or inertia.

The Serenity Prayer suggests we accept the things we cannot change but does encourage us to change the things we can - if we can come to know when that is appropriate using spiritual principals, and from growing wisdom by the grace of God.

Bob, I learned about "triggers" in treatment and then had to unlearn them as they are not a part of the AA programme - I understand that nothing can make me drink today except deliberate self-will.

Acceptance has to be worked on for me, I rarely just disconnect unless I can see immediately what the situation is - and if it is of little importance. I cannot help my first alcoholic thought but I am responsible for what I do with it.

I work on acceptance of the things I cannot change - or should not try to change - in my nightly Step 10 and 11. I don't have to like these things, just learn to live with them and not let them disturb me spiritually with the help of prayer and a reliance on God's will for me.

Least of all can I afford anger or resentment over anything to take hold for long, although that may be my initial reaction. If I feel negative I need to examine why - what is it disturbing in me and deal with it in the manner I have been shown through the AA programme.

I just feel being able to deal with my emotions is better than trying to attain detachment. Those feelings go somewhere and I don't think I should bury anything - it's what I used to do when I was drinking and I had to change those old habits, the old "me" that drank.

I don't know if that helps in some way?

Seems like to me that "acceptance" does not mean you accept whatever it was that happened but that you accept that it DID happen and take it as an education. Too often folks will drag that instant in life around with them for years. Dwelling on it. Even to project similar events on to the NOW and on to the innocent.

Truth is that what is... IS. We can't do anything about what has already happened except do our best not to put ourselves in the same situation. With every event there are feelings attached. We know that those feelings are real however we must also make sure they are valid or are they a reaction to the past.

Just sayin

When I think of acceptance, I think of wearing life like a loose garment (I love that term!). What's done is done and tomorrow isn't here yet, so it's rather pointless for me to get sick over stuff I have no control over. I could be hit by a bus on the way home from work! Why not enjoy right here, right now?

read pages 448-449 of the third edition...not sure what they are in fourth edition

doctor alcoholic addict....it is the name of story in third edition but they again changed the name in fourth edition so I do not know that name in fourth edition yet either....see my book is third edition

Bob, I hear you I had a real hard time taking in all the data for a while sober . You know the stuff that applied to me . So i found myself just reaffirming it was both okay and open to further interpretation as i remained actively , staying put and staying sober .
Im still a fan of things being just Ok today .With or without my permission:) I answered same On thread, being Ok is being Ok and saw they both (threads) to me,were saying same thing in My experience :)
Billy "

Gaily, I am happy to see anyone answer my post, it is ok. I would offer that dealing with emotions may involve a certain amount of detachment. Just being the devil's advocate, my friend :)

Nodp I think I know what you mean. I find alot of abused people do just that and enable themselves to continue with destructive behavior!

Whotosay, I know what you mean but strangely enough, I find men have more of a sense of detachment then women do.

Billyw, I hate to say this but I don't even have a BIG book. I think I have everything but as far as 12 step literature is. I sold it on amazon cos I needed the money. I think my sponser has one I can borrow, anyway.

Billyoki I hear ya, my feelings exactly.
God Bless

So for me acceptance is all about reality vs a disconnect. A disconnect is thinking I rule the universe. The reality is I'm a tiny tiny tiny.....to tiny to even comprehend...part of it. Acceptance is being OK with whatever happens. Having faith, even when things that I don't agree with happen.

Sticky, that says it all right there. Thankyou for bringing up faith to me!

God Bless!

Thankyou BigBear, very well said. Even though I have had life pretty easy since I got clean and sober, I guess I can't expect everything to go my way all of the time. Where would the emotional growth come from if that were to happen?

Hiya Bob! I have to chime in on acceptance, because I'm learning it from a sorta "eastern" perspective, as in, radical acceptance of the pain in my life, *I love that phrase, RADICAL acceptance! Across-the-board acceptance... raaaadical, man...) I accept that there is pain, or I accept that there is fear, or anger in me, and plenty of it... those things are here...(and they're always gonna be here, if we allow other humans to share our lives...) What I don't have to do is SUFFER... I choose how much I suffer from the pain that is here. It's here and so am I and so are a lot of wonderful things too...

Dignity, breathing, meditating, and working my ass off in the service of others... that's what I'm choosing to do with it these days... I get up and get out of bed and take a damn shower and make sure my socks match my shirt and my underwear (I don't know why that makes me so happy, but it does...), and I get going...

What you said about observing what's going on, and detaching somewhat, I think that's healthy to do... If you can levitate a little above the situation, and look down and observe yourself and your reactions and responses... It's like seeing yourself the way God sees you... I think that's when real change and informed choice can occur...

Eeeenyways, you got me thinking, too early in the morning for that, lol!

Thankyou white! I like ur perspective in that you can see how things affect you from a different place inur mind

I need to learn to accept other people and understand that they are not going to have the same morals and values that I have.

Thanks to all who answered this post. I sent it to PDA for all the addicts to look at and to contemplate.

God Bless

Ya pretty much have to accept life as it is, lots of times unfair and cruel..
You don't have to like it.
Your dis~ease wants you to not deal with stuff and hide, be a loner.
Breathe and deal with things head on, make yourself.